I feel a bit weird writing this recap knowing that 99% of TVgasm's readers spent their Tuesday night watching one of the best Big Brother episodes ever. And that remaining 1%? If you were watching the Hilton show you scare me, quite frankly, because I'm not sure that you are mentally stable. At least I, as the resident rookie writer 'round these parts, have an excuse. Alas, while B-Side gets to describe the wondrous meltdowns of Eric, Maggie, and Ivette, I must report upon the ho-hum return of a completely forgettable cast of eliminated Hiltonites. Imagine the emotional rollercoaster of my Tuesday night - going from Big Brother to "I Want to be a Hilton." But I'm a pro and I endured...for YOU, dear readers.
Enough of my whining. This week's show simply had to be better than last week's debacle. Right? Right??!!
One little ongoing drama I missed last week due to the presidential preemption was the budding romance between JW and Jules. Yup, the Mississippi farmboy and the Long Island yenta have fallen for each other's reality-whoring ways - gee, sounds like a Hallmark Channel made-for-TV movie, doesn't it? Except for the fact that JW doesn't really seem to give a crap about Jules. At breakfast, the remaining 7 (Jules, JW, Jackaay, Niki, Brenden, Jaret, and Vanessa) learned that they would be having lunch at New York's famous Palm Restaurant. Upon leaving their hotel suite, they were accosted by starving New York actors with flashbulbs. Actually, they were supposed to be paparazzi and they were supposed to really freak out the Hiltonites. However, it looked like a "Saved by the Bell" soft-focus sequence with Lisa Turtle daydreaming about being a movie star someday. Yes, it was that poorly produced. The funniest part was that I think these 7 dolts (ok, Brenden and Vanessa seem kind of intelligent) were under the impression that those photographers were real and that they were just trying to get some good shots of these future reality TV superstars.
The gang arrived to greet a very bored-looking Kathy Hilton at the restaurant. Seriously, it was evident that she's totally had enough of this show and these people, and she obviously just wanted to get back to snorting caviar from hairless virgin boy's asses in Geneva or whatever it is the super rich do for fun these days. I thought to myself that she should just cut the final 7 in half at the end of this show to speed up the process. Nah, I couldn't be that fortunate... Kathy had her now-expected useless mystery lunch guests in tow - Celebrity photog Dave Allocca and scribe Jeffrey Slonim, "a great entertainment writer with top magazines all over the world." You know, those "top magazines" Google can't find doing a simple search on his name. Maybe he's covering that hot Bhutan gossip beat... "Dateline Thimphu, Lhengye Shungtsog was spotted taking Jigme Singye's yak for a drunken stroll through town. My spies noted that Shungtsog was bragging about his relationship with Indiana Jones..."
Jules, makeup is your friend.
The purpose of the photographer's and gossip guy's presence was to teach the young hopefuls how to best avoid the many media pitfalls that come with being a famously rich socialite. (*Cough*Paris Hilton*cough*) They mentioned what not to do in public (*Cough*Paris Hilton*cough*) and warned, "Do you want to be photographed hammered leaving a club (*Cough*Paris Hilton*cough*)?" Geeze guys, you're guests of Kathy Hilton! If you wanted to address Paris, you should have contacted her directly and not put her mother through the ringer like that! Thus far, the contestants (and/or the editors) have avoided the obvious questions about Paris. After some piss-poor attempt at humorous fake tabloid headlines involving the gang, loudmouth Jules finally broke the taboo. "Kathy, how do you handle all the stuff with Paris?"
OoooOOOoooOOOoh! Wow, despite the fact I can't stand her, Jules just became my favorite to go all the way! (Sorry about that picture of you a minute ago.) Yes, Kathy, what about your infamously drunken slut of a daughter who has appeared in a widely distributed sex video? How do you reconcile that fact with having a reality show in which you purport to be the doyenne of civility and grace? How can you stand there, week after week, supposedly teaching these youngsters how to handle themselves in the public eye with proper etiquette and style when your eldest daughter is whoring it up at every party from here to Bangkok while your second daughter has already been through a quickie marriage to some douchebag? Hmmmmmmmm? Do tell.
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Comments (8)
Kathy Hilton is pretty hot...don't you think? She's definitely a MILF if I ever saw one. Although I watched the bulk of BB, I did check in on those who want to be a Hilton on occassion...
1 of 8 | Posted by c | Posted on July 27, 2005 11:25 PM
Did we watch what episode?
2 of 8 | Posted by Ginger | Posted on July 28, 2005 6:34 AM
I watched it, thats what DVD recorders are for. I enjoyed seeing that skanked out trash Jules get kicked out. It took way too long to get her ugly mug out of that apartment. Glad they got rid of 3 people, I don't think I could stand to watch this train wreck of a reality show much longer.
I think Jackaaaaay the horse faced mule will win.
Also, during the Q&A portion of the show, Miss Kathy Hilton was right there flirting with sexy Jabe, again. I think another porn video will be released to the internet....Jabe and Kathy..the footage you didn't see....woo hoo!
3 of 8 | Posted by katieshole | Posted on July 28, 2005 6:48 AM
1. Jules looks pretty bad without makeup. She was way over dressed as usual. I think it's something called a t-shirt she was wearing. She likes to show off like Yvette does, just upwards.
2. Niki....like....um......er......well....let....me....explain..
Yeah, stammer city. She's nice, she's pretty, but can't talk. Jules on the other hand, is a motormouth.
3. Jules has some major brass cajones for daring to ask Kathy Hilton about the video. We were all waiting for it to come up. Maybe we were living in denial that it would happen, but it happened. Hero tag to you. Sadly, it cost you an elimination, but you did it.
4. Okay, so Brendan(who was kicking ass left and right) is out, but Jaret is in? C'mon Jaret is the Dewberry of this show.
At least Jackaaaaaay is still on. Donate your vowels to needy children in an Eastern European country!
4 of 8 | Posted by British | Posted on July 28, 2005 7:16 AM
I taped the show and watched it last night. It is not as good now as it was in the beginning, which isnt saying much. But I always like to finish these shows that i start even if they suck.
5 of 8 | Posted by runswithscissors | Posted on July 28, 2005 8:26 AM
Even though TIVO is just one click away - I still didn't bother to record this episode while I enjoyed yet another FABULOUS hour of BB6.
It's a sad spiral, really; I watched, prayed and crossed my fingers for Ann and Yvette and Latricia to leave, but once they were gone all the lure of the show left with them.
Kaysa the brotha 4 eva!
6 of 8 | Posted by Danielle | Posted on July 28, 2005 8:37 AM
Hi. In these parts, the Hilton show was on after BB6. Loved it when Kathy said "Thank you for all coming," at the end of the Q and A session. Nice! Also took notice of Kathy's classy, see-throughish top at the end of the show. Real style.
7 of 8 | Posted by camrock | Posted on July 28, 2005 9:47 AM
I was shocked at how little today's young people know about etiquite, table manners, and the like. Apparently they are not being taught ANYTHING by their parents or teachers, and they are not curious enough to learn on their own. What a shame!!
8 of 8 | Posted by Jean | Posted on August 14, 2005 10:06 PM