Testimonials

As they board the helicopters, several of the contestants are wondering what the challenge is going to be. Red is worried that it's going to be physical, and tactfully points out that teammate Poprah's giant ass couldn't handle walking a few city blocks in the last challenge. This does not bode well for team Uptown. However, their helicopter does get off the ground, so at least that concern can be crossed off. And don't forget team Downtown is saddled with Fatty McGaptooth.

They land at a military base and Rob wets his pants, given that he's just babbled his homosexuality all over the place. He then egotistically says he thinks the challenge is set up for him, to see what he can do. Okay, I now like Rob quite a bit less, but am more convinced he'd be perfect for Diddy. His teammates are thrilled though, and gloat over their huge advantage of having a military man among them. Ten bucks they're losing. Big time.

Everyone gets dressed in military camouflage and meets their drill sergeant to learn about their challenge. He barks out something about land navigation, compasses, and protractors while the contestants stare in confusion at the PowerPoint presentation on plotting grids. Okay, I can't blame them for that -- this looks boring and hard. And sure enough, Rob immediately announces he knows what he's doing -- and just as quickly is told by one of the military personnel that he does not. Meanwhile, Fatty McGaptooth has been partnered with Verne, and he sits and rolls his eyes at the camera and edges away from her tranny cooties as Verne tries to do the work for the both of them. Verne's no dummy and realizes that Fatty's being a total asshole, and assures us that she has no interest in him, even in her worst nightmare. Don't worry, Verne, I never thought you did.

"This is an eyelash curler, right? Damn, I should have learned more about girl things before paying my doctor to cut me into one."

Everyone troops outside where they're met by two members of Diddy's Front Line -- Capricorn and Derek. They explain that each team has 8 hours to navigate its way to 3 checkpoints, using 3 different sets of coordinates. In order to receive each set of coordinates, the teams will have to answer Diddy trivia. The first team to arrive at the final checkpoint is safe from elimination. This will test their smarts, teamworking skills and stamina. It's also a little known fact Diddy likes to dump his assistants in the wilderness and fly over them in his helicopter, giggling and sipping champagne. Kind of like watching mice run a maze. only with less tail-chewing and more swearing. In interviews, Diddy and his former assistants try to connect this challenge to something that actually resembles the real responsibilities of an assistant, but like his Sean Jean collection, I'm not buying what they're selling.

And with that, they're off. Each team jogs over to their starting point, to decipher their first set of coordinates. Poprah immediately begins coughing up a lung, blaming the coughing fit on pollen. Sure, if pollen comes in a steady diet of Big Macs and Lucky Strikes. The Uptown team suspects she may be faking it to get out of the challenge, and Poprah says she wants to sit out as long as that doesn't disqualify everyone else. Personally, I don't think she's faking it -- those coughs sound deep and she's horribly out of shape. Regardless, Poprah is taken away by ambulance and her teammates head out to start the course, without any further mentions of disqualifications.

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Posted in I Want to Work for Diddy by LoLo at 2:20 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)
Last Comment: chickadee2586 on Aug 16, 2008 12:20 PM.