Testimonials

Rob takes command of the Uptown team, telling them that it makes a lot more sense to follow a paved road and then cut into the woods when they're about even with the first checkpoint, rather than follow the compass exactly and traipse directly through the woods the whole time. That makes sense in theory, but you know their dumbasses are going to get lost with Magellan at the helm. Sure enough, minutes later we see that they're hundreds of yards off course and are now forced to backtrack. Awesome navigational skills, Rob. I bet when he was serving in Iraq, Bin Laden hid under Rob's bed to ensure he'd never be found. Red then begins running around like an inbred puppy, darting up and over hills and valleys to see if he can spot the checkpoint in the distance. He does not, since Rob has gotten them ridiculously lost, but it just adds to the confusion. Almost 2 hours in, Rob's team finally decides to go back to the beginning and actually use the compass this time rather than following the road.

Artifacts from the never-before-seen disastrous first season of I Want To Work For Diddy

Meanwhile, the Downtown team has been doing somewhat better, despite Fatty McGaptooth slowing them down and bickering with Mike. After some confusion, they find the first checkpoint, with the trivia question of how many Grammys has Diddy won -- 1, 2, or 3. You know Diddy's ego would make the highest number the correct answer. The team correctly picks 3, grabs the corresponding coordinates, and takes off for the second checkpoint. This time the trivia asks for Diddy's age when he became Uptown Records VP and A & R. As the team debates the answer, we see they know a scary amount of Diddy trivia -- age, birthdate, the date of other major career milestones, etc. Hell, they even know the names of his kids, which is more than he can say. After taking a vote, the team goes with age 19, and takes the corresponding coordinates for the third checkpoint. They get the trivia question there wrong (what year did Diddy change his name from Puff Daddy) and wind up at a detour, but it hardly matters when they're this far ahead.

While the Downtown team is cruising along, Rob's Uptown team finally reaches it's first checkpoint, with the same Grammy question the Downtown team had. Now we know the correct answer's 3, but Rob insists it's 1 "because that's what Wikipedia says." Umm, no it definitely does not. But it does say "Rob's possibly a retard." Suzanne meekly protests that 1 seems too low, but she and the rest of the team wind up baaaaaaaing in agreement with Rob. Great thinking, given his awesome track record so far. The corresponding coordinates lead them to a detour -- signifying they got the trivia wrong -- the provides the correct coordinates to the second checkpoint. But on their way there, they get lost again and wind up in someone's back yard. These people took the short helicopter up here.

At 8 hours exactly, a bunch of military people pop in from where they've been hiding in the bushes, drinking beers and laughing their asses off, and inform both teams that time is up. They're escorted to the final checkpoint, where the DFL is waiting, pissed. After bitching at them about being big disappointments, Capricorn grudgingly names the Downtown team the winners.

"I love Diddy, yes I do!
I would even eat his poo!
Sound off 1-2!"

Arriving home, the Uptown team is depressed and worried about eliminations. Red handles this by complaining about Poprah's weight and doing a cruel impression of how her body moves when she walks. Poprah's annoying, but you're a lispy bouncer from the nightlife capital of Boston. Get over yourself. Everyone else gathers in little clusters to either bitch about Rob's suckiness, Poprah possibly faking it, and the irony that Poprah would have known the right answers to the trivia had she been there. Finally, Red mans up/is rude enough to confront Poprah on the sentiment she was faking her asthma attack. She calmly denies this at first, but it quickly escalates into a screaming fight between the two while Rob tries to hide his delight -- and flabby arms. Dude, tank tops are not your friend.

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Posted in I Want to Work for Diddy by LoLo at 2:20 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)
Last Comment: chickadee2586 on Aug 16, 2008 12:20 PM.