Testimonials

Going back to the Downtown team, we see they're also seeking out Diddy impressions from former employees, but luck out when Diddy's former stylist does a pretty decent one. As "Diddy", the stylist begins ranting about applesauce, which gives the Downtown team the idea to make their video about Diddy's obsession with applesauce. Specifically, Boris suggests that he dress up as this big fat guy who's trying to steal Diddy's applesauce away from him. Everyone's really excited about the idea, especially Stefanie, who launches into rapid, shrieky sorority girl-ese complete with flailing that poor Kendra has to duck and weave to avoid.

So it turns out that Red's tripod victory was short-lived, as the Uptown team's camera is now jammed onto the stand and cannot be removed no matter how hard they try. Afraid that someone's going to break the damn camera if they keep pulling, the team decides that there's nothing they can do but haul around the camera/tripod as one piece. I can't wait for them to accidentally club someone or break out a car window with that thing. And on top of all this, the team misses a text message from Diddy while trying to pry the camera off. The message was to alert them an interview had cancelled, but Brianna doesn't see it until they're practically at the interview location, resulting in lost time and general frustration.

This is about how good I expected Red to be with his equipment...

Back at the apartment, the Downtown team starts working on solidifying their applesauce idea, deciding that Boris will be the applesauce bandit whom Verne will have to chase. Their attention then turns to Boris's bandit costume, which consists of a cape, a doo-rag with eyeholes, and bikini bottoms over tight pants. In other words, his standard Saturday night get-up when he trolls for ladies to bring back to mom's place. At first he only weakly protests, probably because when Stefanie helps him put on the bikini bottoms, this is the closest a woman's been to his crotch in a long, long time. But he eventually brings the bitchassness and refuses to cooperate because he doesn't want to look like an idiot. Don't worry, your bigoted mouth already took care of that weeks ago.

The Uptown team has also returned to the apartment, and the girls are sitting around complaining about Red while he skulks in the kitchen and squints and scrunches his hatred. As a team, they decide they better get some funny footage tonight as a backup in case their original plans don't work out. And so the shenanigans begin -- Suzanne pours vodka in her nostril, Red lets the girls wax hair off his leg (and almost kicks Poprah unconscious in the process), and Brianna pulls out her eyelashes in large, teary clumps. It's all stupid and juvenile, but pretty entertaining -- probably because I'm also stupid and juvenile.

She's neither the first nor last woman to send liquid shooting out her nose for Diddy.

While this is going on, the Downtown team is still fighting with Boris, insisting that the bandit has to be fat, so Mike can't do it instead. Verne further cements her favorite status in my book when instead of being angry or super annoyed with Boris, she tells us that she understands where he's coming from, since she knows all about being unhappy and insecure about her body. You know, the twig and berries. However, after he sees the self-mutilation the Uptown team is happy to perform, he gives in and agrees to play the bandit.

The next morning, the Downtown team heads out to tape the chase sequence between Boris and Verne. All she needs to do is look at him the wrong way, and he'll start running faster than the last time McDonald's had 29 cent hamburgers. Boris reluctantly gets in costume, complaining about everything he can think of -- from his balls hurting to the temperature outside. Stefanie bitches to us that he should just man up, but ten bucks if you asked her to put on an unflattering outfit, she'd wail louder than the time her daddy refused to buy her a pony. And it does look pretty damn cold out there. Okay that is the last time I defend Boris. I feel dirty now.

The Uptown team is also out on the street, finishing their video by approaching strangers and asking them to do crazy things for Diddy. Seeing as though this is NYC, most are more than happy to oblige, including this gentleman:

I'm pretty sure it's bitchassness to let someone write bitchassness on you

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Posted in I Want to Work for Diddy by LoLo at 12:20 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)
Last Comment: blahblah on Sep 15, 2008 03:13 PM.