The Uptown team is racing against the clock to get some tasks done before going to meet Mama Combs at her hospitality suite. Poprah starts bitching at Red about his lack of time management skills (hey the kid's ADD and has an eye twitch, cut him some slack), and Verne sticks up for him as they arrive back at the suite and are relieved to see Mama Combs isn't there yet. However, the place is a disaster and Red's ADD rubs off on his original teammates as they begin to spaz and Verne futility attempts to maintain order. In the midst of this, Mama Combs finally arrives, looking like a trashy ho in a zebra-print muu-muu. Jesus, even some Sean John apparel would be better than that.
Baby momma Kim also arrives at the Downtown suite, and Kendra immediately labels herself the psycho of the group when she leaps into Kim's arms for a gigantic hug. Kim goes along with it, while her own personal assistant's facial expression suggests she doesn't think all those child support payments are worth dealing with this crap -- until Kendra turns and grabs her too. Haha. And then to make things worse, Stefanie runs forward and does the same retarded thing like this is the rush party at the Kappa house. Boris and I agree when he complains that Kendra and Stefanie are unprofessional and acting like Kim's their new BFF rather than temporary boss.
Kim shoos Kendra and Stefanie down to the car and away from her, then asks Boris and Mike to get her some "girl things" -- aka tampons. Kim's got her period? I was under the impression that every time she was in heat, Diddy knocked her up again. My mistake. Boris either plays stupid or is that stupid, for he seems to have no idea what Kim is talking about. Mike actually catches on this time, but wears the vaguely uneasy expression most guys get when it comes to this topic -- especially when he has to clairify whether she wants pads or, uh, those, uh other um... things? She clears things up by saying she wants "missiles" accompanied by a rather crude and unnecessarily clear hand gesture. She's rather cavalier about the whole thing, but to her, they're just talking about her cash cow, not her vagina.
"So yeah, he just does this, and then about 9 months later I see another 10k/month in my bank account. It's pretty awesome."
So far it looks like the Uptown team has the harder task, as Mama Combs is Trouble with a capital T, and that rhymes with B and that stands for bitch! When Poprah tells her that the team refers to Diddy as Diddy, Mama Combs rather snidely says they really should be calling him Mr. Combs, shouldn't they? Poprah's eyes bulge and she nods and smiles a huge fake grin, like is Mama Combs is some axe-weilding murder who could snap at any time. When she asks Mama Combs what she wants for breakfast, MC says she wants southern-style food. Without hesitation, Poprah promises to make that happen, even though her teammates are silently freaking out in the background over where the hell they're going to find that on such short notice and limited time.
Time for shopping. While the Uptown team deals with Mama Combs hating every store they take her into (not many places sell muu-muus in LA), Kendra and Stefanie of the Downtown team are with Kim -- and her boy brats! Kim asks them to contact Diddy and figure out where the girl kids are, since she wouldn't want to lose those little moneymakers. She then sends Stefanie and Kendra off on another errand to get them the hell away from her. She eventually meets back up with them to ask about her daughters again, since she hasn't heard shit since she casually inquired of their location while in the limo. But it turns out Kendra and Stefanie were too busy texting their friends "OMG im w diddys gf kim!!!!!!" to remember to check up on the kids. Now they're forced to make frantic calls in front of Kim, while at the same time Kendra's phone is dying because Boris borrowed her charger and the 30 million texts she'd sent.
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Comments (6)
LoLo, honey, you are a doll... I, too, am dealing with double-show duty, and it's a bit of a struggle, so I know what you're going thru. This was a great one, though, and THANK you for including the Boris/CanDo conversation, that was the best thing I've read all morning! I think we must have scared him off from commenting after his last post a few weeks back. You are lovely and loved, I admire you greatly...
love, hugs & kisses,
xoxoxox
J-Mo :)
1 of 6 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on September 8, 2008 9:15 AM
This recap was HILARIOUS! The screencaps were right on and the comment about being in heat was a classic.
I was rather suprised that the Downtown team lost. Maybe there was a lot that we did not see. If someone had to go, I would suggest Boris. He annoys me to no end. I was waiting on him to accuse Verne of trying to seduce him while yelling out Tranny It Up.....now that would have been hilarious/true.
2 of 6 | Posted by Peter Pan | Posted on September 8, 2008 10:04 AM
Great job, LoLo! This was worth waiting for!
I have a question: What did the downtown team get as a gift from Kim? I know the other team got a crystal star from Mama Combs, but did they ever show the other gift? Just curious!
Also, Stefanie needs to leave soon...so boring and she doesn't seem to participate much.
3 of 6 | Posted by fierytopaz | Posted on September 8, 2008 6:21 PM
I was not suprised that Downtown lost. They had trouble keeping track of her kids, which are the most important thing to a mother.
I am glad they did not eliminate anyone, because I think Kendra would have gone. I felt sorry for her, when Boris attacked her.
4 of 6 | Posted by tv freak | Posted on September 9, 2008 1:36 PM
LoLo--thanks for the warm welcome!!! i adore your top chef recaps, and partially because i'm not the top chef recapper, and partially because i wanted a level of anonymity for auditiongasm (in case i sucked), i decided to be anonymous and then come up with a new handle. but i have old friends and favorites (like yourself) and wanted to make sure you all knew where i came from (i.e. inspired by your genius!)
thanks again!
5 of 6 | Posted by AuJew | Posted on September 9, 2008 9:46 PM
Hilarious recap!
I was so turned off by Boris! What a bitch!!!
I am also surprised the downtown team lost. They put far more work into it than the uptown team did.
What I really wanna know though is whether 'what's his name' is looking for a great assistant or if this is just pure entertainment. Because if Kendra had gone home leaving can't do shit Boris, I would have my question answered and been able to confirm that the show is a joke!!!
6 of 6 | Posted by nefe | Posted on September 9, 2008 11:52 PM