"Where's my assistant? I need someone to unzip my fly so I can take a leak."
Hellllllo Gasmii! It feels so good to be back after 2 months of self-imposed recapping exile, and to be returning to a show as ripe for mockery as I Want to Work for Diddy. I love Diddy -- he's an arrogant bastard, but he can back most of that up with actual accomplishments and he seems to be somewhat in on the joke. Plus, I'm not afraid to admit I've seen every season of The Apprentice, so I'm down for a Diddy-themed blatant rip-off. And who can forget that one of Diddy's potential slaves is a transgendered female? If I haven't yet earned my first class ticket to hell, I think recaps of this show are going to do the trick.
We open with an ego-fueled montage of Diddy's empire, a trifecta of music, fashion, and acting. Nevermind that none of these are truly huge these days -- he's got his fingers in enough pots that he's worth something like $300 million. The man himself -- sitting regally in a three-piece suit but sans his ubiquitous shades -- informs us that he is a machine that does not sleep, and he expects the same from his assistants. Otherwise you can take your bitchass home to momma. While the former assistants tell us the job can be ridiculous -- from carrying around bottles of ketchup to pretending Danity Kane is a successful group -- they also admit that having Diddy on their resume opens up all sorts of doors in a variety of entertainment industries.
"I learned everything I know about fashion from Diddy. It's so cute how he gets embarrassed when I tell people that. So modest, Mr. Combs."
After some hugely entertaining James Bond-themed credits, it's time to meet those who signed up to be Diddy's playthings for the next few weeks. As each one enters Bad Boy's offices, they step into a conference room for a brief interview with Diddy's Front Line, aka the hosts on this show. The DFL is comprised of Derek (Diddy's personal stylist for the past 2 years), Norma (one of Diddy's former assistants with 7 years of experience putting up with his shit), and Capricorn (another one of Diddy's former assistants, with 4 years of experience). Derek hasn't talked yet but I saw the preview show last week and yikes. You'll know what I'm talking about when he opens his mouth.
Up first is Mike, a banker from NYC who is one of those people who thinks he's really smooth, and is actually the furthest thing from it. This quote just about sums it up: "I speak clearly, I'm articulate, and all these things come to-- come to-- come to-- (drool)." Next is Stefanie, a Newpsie college student with no work experience but plenty of bitterness in not making the cast of Newport Harbor. Oh I'm going to love to see her cry.
On the other end of the spectrum is Rob, a confident military man who has the entire DFL drooling. Since his occupation is listed as "Iraq War Veteran" I take it this man just hangs around the Akron, Ohio VFW post all day long trading stories with the other vets about the Iraqi prostitutes they finger-banged. He'll definitely have something in common with Diddy if he wins this. Also impressive -- at least on paper -- is Suzanne, a Bronx girl with a Harvard degree and no modesty. Somehow I don't think Diddy will give nearly as much of a damn about that as Trump would.
Back to the losers. Andrew, a scrawny personal trainer from San Diego, comes in with white suspenders and fedora and proceeds to white-boy dance for the DFL while Capricorn stares in horror. Boris, a paralegal from Virginia, is wearing an oversized t-shirt with the words "Can Do" on it, and claims that's his nickname because he can do anything. Sure, that's usually been applied when asked if he can kill the keg ("Can do! Who wants to help me do a keg stand?"), but Boris is determined to extend it to the business world as well.
"Other things I can do: belch the alphabet, light my farts on fire, and make a bong out of an apple."
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Comments (7)
Great recap!
There is no way on God's green Earth that I would ever would for, near or around Diddy. He is soooooo arrogant!! I can't stand that about him. Yes, he's done well, but his record label, Bad Boy, is TERRIBLE. Any artist on there might as well give up any dreams of making it big or even coming out with a cd if you're not Danity Kane, Day 26 or Cassie. Who, themselves are barely, if at all, promoted after their shows.
My dislike for Diddy is strong and I don't know if I'm going to be able to watch Diddy make all these people his bitch just because he thinks he can. We'll see.
1 of 7 | Posted by MrsBojangles | Posted on August 5, 2008 5:28 AM
Great recapping, thanks, but I can't imagine the circumstances that would entice me to watch this show. It sounded as bad in the recap as it did in the commercials. And way too close to the reality of how job seekers are abused in the real world. (maybe too MUCH reality TV?)
2 of 7 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on August 5, 2008 7:27 AM
I know it's only been one episode, but I love this show and I love that your recapping it. This show is not as it bad as it seems.
Yes, Diddy is a ego maniac as if we didn't know this before and yes he treats these people like shit, but come on now this is a good show.
Anyway, I knew Kim aka "Poprah" was going to stay, she's good tv, why is it the people that I hate are always so entertaining?
3 of 7 | Posted by bigjr6633 | Posted on August 5, 2008 11:09 AM
I think Poprah chose the name because she thinks of herself as a "Poor Oprah"... Po-prah. Kinda like how she's showed us that she's not ignorant, just "ignant." She blasted her teammates for being "unprofessional" and "amateurs" compared to her. Ummm...you're on the show too, honey. Do you think you're really the ONE professional they chose out of a field of amateurs? Or maybe you're there because you lack the people skills to even realize your ignant ass is less professional than a transgender woman and a fat dude in an airburshed t-shirt?!?! Dumbass.
I think I have a new favorite villian. *Cathartic smile*
4 of 7 | Posted by MorbidCuriosity | Posted on August 5, 2008 12:38 PM
This show is like a train wreck, can't stand watching it, but can't not watch it. Most of the people except Poprah, Rob the Iraq Vet, Mike the banker won't make it because they don't have the tough skin. Diddy may be rich and talented, but he definitely has no respect for the people who work for him. They are using him just as much as he uses them like Kleenex.
5 of 7 | Posted by likris | Posted on August 5, 2008 2:23 PM
Boris and his "CAN DO" T-shirt are kinda cute. I think I'd like to fuck him in half. Woof! I already know he's not gonna be able to keep up with being Diddy's personal assistant because that requires staying awake and being alert, so Boris-baby, call me when you get axed and we'll make a day of it... Besides, you might NEED some lovin' when Diddy gets done with you..
Great recap LoLo, I've missed you since "Top Chef" ended!
love, J-Mo :)
6 of 7 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on August 7, 2008 8:42 AM
Thanks for the recap. I actually enjoyed the show. Diddy used to work my LAST nerve, but I have a newfound respect for him. Granted, I agree with most of the comments posted, I still respect the fact that he is a Black man and he continues to excel in areas previously prohibited for Blacks. It says something to have reality shows on two different networks. Finally, on an episode of Oprah, several months ago, she had Diddy and the three finalist on the show. He announced who won. I'm not going to spoil it, but did anyone else see it?
7 of 7 | Posted by mspattie | Posted on August 8, 2008 4:04 AM