Kendra, a sales assistant from Jersey, seems to impress the DFL with her sense of humor despite her looking like a lost cast member of "Bee Movie On Ice." Deon appears to be our token crazy, babbling about God and the energy of the universe in his interview and repeating the same phrase three times with large hand motions. He's from LA and an executive assistant, so I'm smelling frustrated actor there. Bible thumpers do not usually make LA their choice of residence.
This brings us to the Laverne, the aforementioned transgendered woman and hostess from NYC. As she announces the fact she's transgendered to the DFL, Norma's eyebrows shoot up in surprise. Really, Norma? Laverne's voice is about as low as where her balls are (were?), and this comes as a shock to you? Following Laverne is Georgette, who babbles something about being willing to sacrifice her free time for the job -- not like anyone's listening. Nope, everyone, including me, is too busy staring at Georgette's gigantic rack, which is practically resting on the table like an offering for the DFL. How Miami and mortgage broker of her.
Brianna, bless her heart, clearly thought "Office Space" was a documentary and subscribes to the Peter Gibbons school of work ethic. Her description of a typical day in her administrative assistant job comprises of checking email. checking blogs, and planning the lunch she'll purge. Somewhere in Houston, someone's writing out a pink slip for her ass. Next to be interviewed is Red, who is an immigrant from Algeria (I think, his accent's a bit thick and he's got floppy lip syndrome) and wants this job to help support his family better than he currently is. Yes, I don't think "club promoter" is the job your family had in mind when they sent your ass to Boston. Then again, "reality TV show whore" probably wasn't either.
"Whenever my boss tries to talk to me about doing actual work, I give him this face and he leaves me alone and mumbles that he never should have hired the retarded girl. It's awesome."
The interview montage finally ends with Kim, aka "Poprah", who has spent the last 20 minutes impressing the DFL by trying to set up her easel for a presentation worthy of a 7th grade science fair. Throwing dice at their faces and nearly blinding them doesn't seem to help, either. Contrary to my original fears, "Poprah" does not represent Kim's belief that she's the perfect mix between the Pope and Oprah, but rather stands for "the perfect personal assistant." Supposedly. How, I have no idea. Poprah is an entrepreneur from Atlanta, and the fact that she's here -- as well as her easel and spelling skills -- tells you how well that's been going.
When the interviews are over, the contestants gather in a room to await further instructions. They're soon joined by the DFL and Diddy's former manager, Phil Robbinson, who asks them if they're serious. As the contestants smile and nod, Phil counters "that was rhetorical!" Oh... snap? After a few minutes of trying to instill the fear of Diddy in them, Phil tells the contestants that they're about to be split into teams and the losing team has to face him for eliminations. "And you don't want to see a lot of me," he adds, walking out. I heartily agree, but probably not for the same reasons.
Okay there's midget face, and then there's looking like your mom got kicked in the pelvis in the third trimester.
Once Phil's forehead leads his face out the door, the DFL announces that since there are 13 contestants and only 12 spots on the teams for the first task, someone's going home right now based off the interview. Haha, I love it. I've sat through enough interviews in my life -- including the 4-hour variety when you interview with 6+ people in a row, going from office to office trying to remember what the hell you've said to which person and praying you're not repeating yourself like an idiot -- and I think it's fantastic that they're making this even slightly realistic. My money's on Brianna (for admitting she's a lazy sack of shit) or Boobette (for being completely unprofessional with her tatters hanging out) getting the boot here. Some of the guys were pretty bad too, but women interviewers tend to be extra harsh on women interviewees, so I expect a vag to go (jury's still out on whether that includes Laverne).
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Comments (7)
Great recap!
There is no way on God's green Earth that I would ever would for, near or around Diddy. He is soooooo arrogant!! I can't stand that about him. Yes, he's done well, but his record label, Bad Boy, is TERRIBLE. Any artist on there might as well give up any dreams of making it big or even coming out with a cd if you're not Danity Kane, Day 26 or Cassie. Who, themselves are barely, if at all, promoted after their shows.
My dislike for Diddy is strong and I don't know if I'm going to be able to watch Diddy make all these people his bitch just because he thinks he can. We'll see.
1 of 7 | Posted by MrsBojangles | Posted on August 5, 2008 5:28 AM
Great recapping, thanks, but I can't imagine the circumstances that would entice me to watch this show. It sounded as bad in the recap as it did in the commercials. And way too close to the reality of how job seekers are abused in the real world. (maybe too MUCH reality TV?)
2 of 7 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on August 5, 2008 7:27 AM
I know it's only been one episode, but I love this show and I love that your recapping it. This show is not as it bad as it seems.
Yes, Diddy is a ego maniac as if we didn't know this before and yes he treats these people like shit, but come on now this is a good show.
Anyway, I knew Kim aka "Poprah" was going to stay, she's good tv, why is it the people that I hate are always so entertaining?
3 of 7 | Posted by bigjr6633 | Posted on August 5, 2008 11:09 AM
I think Poprah chose the name because she thinks of herself as a "Poor Oprah"... Po-prah. Kinda like how she's showed us that she's not ignorant, just "ignant." She blasted her teammates for being "unprofessional" and "amateurs" compared to her. Ummm...you're on the show too, honey. Do you think you're really the ONE professional they chose out of a field of amateurs? Or maybe you're there because you lack the people skills to even realize your ignant ass is less professional than a transgender woman and a fat dude in an airburshed t-shirt?!?! Dumbass.
I think I have a new favorite villian. *Cathartic smile*
4 of 7 | Posted by MorbidCuriosity | Posted on August 5, 2008 12:38 PM
This show is like a train wreck, can't stand watching it, but can't not watch it. Most of the people except Poprah, Rob the Iraq Vet, Mike the banker won't make it because they don't have the tough skin. Diddy may be rich and talented, but he definitely has no respect for the people who work for him. They are using him just as much as he uses them like Kleenex.
5 of 7 | Posted by likris | Posted on August 5, 2008 2:23 PM
Boris and his "CAN DO" T-shirt are kinda cute. I think I'd like to fuck him in half. Woof! I already know he's not gonna be able to keep up with being Diddy's personal assistant because that requires staying awake and being alert, so Boris-baby, call me when you get axed and we'll make a day of it... Besides, you might NEED some lovin' when Diddy gets done with you..
Great recap LoLo, I've missed you since "Top Chef" ended!
love, J-Mo :)
6 of 7 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on August 7, 2008 8:42 AM
Thanks for the recap. I actually enjoyed the show. Diddy used to work my LAST nerve, but I have a newfound respect for him. Granted, I agree with most of the comments posted, I still respect the fact that he is a Black man and he continues to excel in areas previously prohibited for Blacks. It says something to have reality shows on two different networks. Finally, on an episode of Oprah, several months ago, she had Diddy and the three finalist on the show. He announced who won. I'm not going to spoil it, but did anyone else see it?
7 of 7 | Posted by mspattie | Posted on August 8, 2008 4:04 AM