It's only day 2 of our 23 day journey and Speidi has already quit a total of three times. However, that's the same number of times that they got engaged, got married and had a threesome with Perez Hilton so they'll probably be back soon. The group has been divided into women vs. men teams and I hate when shows do this. The men almost alwyas beat the women and it sets the whole Equal Rights movement back like 50 years. Of course, so does this...
The episode begins with the 'celebrities' in the trauma tank in which roaches, spiders and snakes will crawl on them until the celebrity quits. Frangela quits first and is promptly followed by Janice who starts shouting at no one in particular, "No, no!! Do you know who I am?" Bitch, do you know what show you're on? This isn't "I'm a Celebrity, Let Me Relax!" The point of this show is to do wild and crazy things-wild and crazy things that were announced before you lowered yourself into the TRAUMA TANK. In Janice's defense, she is a model. Maybe she thought the trauma tank was the new summer must have.
Patented boob buckle will keep Heidi from stealing your implants.
I wouldn't have lasted more than 4 seconds in that tank but I could've sworn Ms. Dickinson proclaimed her victory over the animal kingdom like three decades ago.
The rest of the cast gives up one by one until there are only four left. Stephen Baldwin, Lou Diamond Phillips, Sanjaya and Torrie Wilson. I'm pretty sure Sanjaya didn't mind the snake crawling up his crotch. It's a nifty way to get around the "no sex" clause in their contracts.
Lou gives up after water starts being pumped into the trauma tank. This concerns me a little. It doesn't seem like a good idea to drown the cast-well unless Heidi and Spencer are involved and then it's the best idea EVER! Torrie is the last standing female and a couple of snakes decide to make her face their home. That, and the waterboarding, cause her to quit. It is down to Sanjaya and Stephen Baldwin and the tension is mounting. Actually, another snake is mounting Sanjaya but it's all the same at this point. Stephen has enough of the torture and gives up so Sanjaya wins. After the win, the contestants go back to camp and discover that there is a bed for Sanjaya since he won. Sanjaya is incredibly excited about this. As Sanjaya celebrates with a cute little victory dance, Lou brings a scroll over to the group and reveals that the bed is actually for the leader-Lou. Sanjaya totally changes his tune and says that he's there to win, not sleep on a bed and Lou might get eaten by bugs who like beds. Yeah, I think they're called bed bugs sweetie. You could've saved yourself two extra words.
After commercial, Damien and Marleen (the hosts) start talking about how America will be able to vote and Marleen had such a hard time when she did the show in Britain...blah, blah, blah. Let's get back to the action please. The Angela in Frangela is having a hard time coping with jungle living. She wakes up before everyone else, is scared out of her mind and has to poop. She does what anyone in that situation would do.
Angela explains that she's lived in Detroit, Chicago and L.A. and I'm not really sure what that has to do with anything but apparently she's in the midst of a breakdown so she's just throwing out random words and phrases. They're gonna rip her a new one on the "Best Week Ever" if she doesn't cut this out. The next morning, Angela tells Frances that she loves to hear her snore at night because it sounds like home. Angela is serious as hell but Frances proceeds to laugh at her better half. I wish I could tell her what a bad idea that is. You don't laugh at crazy jungle people; they might kill you in your sleep.
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Comments (15)
Great recap!
I really hope Speidi are gone for good.
Finally, i'm pretty sure that non-priests can only baptize in the case of an emergancy...I'm pretty sure baptizing Spencer before he leaves the jungle does not count...
1 of 15 | Posted by tv freak | Posted on June 5, 2009 6:32 AM
This show is the ultimate in producer manipulation.
First of all, these celebs must be incredibly boring, as TPTB can't even manage to make a full hour each night for us to watch...it's all recaps and previews, with only 20 minutes of "new" material shown each episode.
Secondly, there are obviously no rules, as the celebs are coming and going as they please, and taking each others belongings (Janice, I mean you.) Some have mattresses and pillows, some don't. Only a few have participated in challenges. Some just keep sitting out. (Janice again.)
As for the idiocy of Spencer and Heidi...this is all the producers. By allowing the Brats to leave when they did, the two were not in danger of having to go home...and by setting up their return, the Brats are in no danger of having to participate in the disgusting water/vermin challenge. The Brats are still on the show (unfortunately) without having to mess up their hair.
Really...one week of this was enough for me. I won't be watching anymore.
Oh...and tvfreak is right about baptism in emergencies. But Stepehn Baldwin fancies himself a minister (he preaches mainly to teen groups)...so I don't think an emergency was needed for Baldwin to baptize Spencer. However, most respectable ministers won't baptize an adult without the adult having some kind of instruction so the newly baptized person has some idea of what it means and why it's important. (As opposed to infant baptism, when the parents and Godparents agree to educate the baby as the grow and learn.)
2 of 15 | Posted by cattyfan | Posted on June 5, 2009 8:05 AM
i LOVE YOUUU Please tell me you're doing all the recaps. You had me in stitches.
I also with that Heidi and Spencer come back. They brought the fun.
3 of 15 | Posted by kissmymanolos | Posted on June 5, 2009 8:07 AM
And L Boogie...I'm totally with you on the Lou Diamond Phillips thing. He's till hot after more than two decades in the limelight.
4 of 15 | Posted by cattyfan | Posted on June 5, 2009 8:17 AM
I want to say that Heidi and Spencer are retarded but that would be an insult to retarded people.
If they come back on the show --- I'll stop watching. Life's too short.
5 of 15 | Posted by Mr Dangerous | Posted on June 5, 2009 8:36 AM
Why do I have the feeling that this Baldwin guy is wearing a fat suit?
The Prats epitomize everything I believe about holier-than-thouers. And I just love to watch people cleanse themselves with filthy river water. You call it a baptism, I call it taking a bath with your clothes on.
But these religidiots are so stereotypically ridiculous (including the Bucktooth Baldwin, who is a complete moron), I'm going to go ahead and assume that the producers of this show are Jewish. Or Scientologists.
Although I really have to wonder who the idiot was who gave the go-ahead to make this show. Everything about it is wrong. Yep, definitely Scientologists.
Although the lady wrestler looks pretty good. And I like the grumpy old model lady. And LDP has this kind of funny real-man-old-world-values thing going on.
6 of 15 | Posted by itchy | Posted on June 5, 2009 9:04 AM
Speidi are no different than Coach on this last season of Survivor. He drove you bonkers, but in a sick way, he provided more entertainment than anyone else.
7 of 15 | Posted by LOSTbean | Posted on June 5, 2009 10:40 AM
I can watch almost anything....but this show feels so fake and the z-list celebrities are so boring I have had to give up. I get the feeling whenever the cameras turn off they all go to a production "camp" where they lounge, eat and wash. Looks like I'll be getting more yard work done this summer, well at least until Big Brother starts (boy do I feel dumb/guilty after admitting that!)
8 of 15 | Posted by soapboxx | Posted on June 5, 2009 10:52 AM
L Boogie!! I had quit this show, but I will start watching again since you are recapping. YAY! (*ahem* as soon as I get back from vacation)
9 of 15 | Posted by here4beer | Posted on June 5, 2009 11:35 AM
Uh, if you're a Heidi and Spencer fan how unfortunate for you.
Uh, if you're a Heidi and Spencer PR person I feel SOOOO sorry for you.
Heidi and Spencer are nothing like Coach.
Heidi and Spencer think they're famous but they're too stupid (and retarded) to know that they're not.
See, somebody like Elizabeth Taylor was famous. Not only was she a celebrity but she was a BIG STAR. Don Knotts (Barney Fife) was a bigger star and a bigger celebrity than Heidi and Spencer are now or ever will be.
Once their show is cancelled Heidi and Spencer will slide first into obscurity, then drug rehab and finally into the cheapest trailer park that will accept them.
Please let it be soon.
10 of 15 | Posted by Mr Dangerous | Posted on June 5, 2009 11:49 AM
Great recap. I just can't watch this show, even for a reality show it's really dumb.
I've never understood the appeal of Heidi and Spencer. Heidi was ok when she was a dippy roommate-school quitting-fakeBolthouse employee. She was kind of sweet in a dumb way and I thought she was much prettier.
After she met Spencer, she dropped all of her friends and moved in with him and eventually lost her fake job.
Then she got big fake boobs and a new nose. The new nose makes her chin appear bigger and I thought her old nose was better. As for her boobs, if she gets that much out of a couple of saline bags, well good for her.
But since she married Spencer and he is a "new" Christian, she sounds even dumber than before she got married. Does she really think that they get everything they pray for?
I guess it's clear they are not praying for a cure for AIDS, or ending world famine, ending the wars, cleaner water and education for all.
Heidi probably prays that her boobs stay where they are and she doesn't blow a tire when she's in the jungle. Spencer probably prays that his bartender friend ends up in the jungle with him as a surprise.
What a couple of tools.
TVannie
11 of 15 | Posted by AnneM | Posted on June 5, 2009 1:29 PM
My strategy has always been to pray for bad things, like global warming, economic crises, plague, things like that. Makes me feel better knowing there's someone watching over us. ;-p
And I grew up watching Mayberry RFD. Don Knotts was excellent.
12 of 15 | Posted by itchy | Posted on June 5, 2009 2:15 PM
In all thid Speidi nonesense, one thing has been left out: LOU DIAMAND PHILLIPS IS HOT, HOT, HOT! I will only watch the show for him. I have a new character in my fantasy life (Thank God, the old ones were getting boring!) I am on Team Lou all the way!!! I think I am in deep lust.
13 of 15 | Posted by nyc cookie | Posted on June 5, 2009 11:56 PM
Certainly did not mean to leave L Boogie out--greatest recap ever!!! Love, love, love it! Keep up the outstanding work!
xoxo
Cookie
14 of 15 | Posted by nyc cookie | Posted on June 5, 2009 11:59 PM
L. Boogie -- I was going to stop watching this after the first marathon episode, but reconsidered after imagining the snark Janice and Sanjaya would elicit. Glad I stuck around :)
Itchy -- I sooo enjoy the gospel of itchy (no sarcasm at all here). I also sometimes enjoy expressing my sometimes less than convential, yet fact based opinions, as I've seen you do often where religion is involved. Many people aren't used to having religion challenged and I admit, it can be fun to watch them get squirmy ;)
And I too will be pleased when Spiedi is off my tv.
15 of 15 | Posted by Tadow | Posted on June 6, 2009 6:42 AM