Yes folks it's finally here. The day we've all been waiting for. Who will be named King or Queen of the Jungle? Let's wade through the 58 minutes of commercials and rehashing and find out who wins I'm A Celebrity! Get Me Out Of Here!
We start off as usual with Funk and Wanker telling us about all the bullshit we already know. And after about 500 words basically they tell us that A. It's raining. B. They are in the jungle. C. Who the fuck cares?
What I want to know is, why the hell does this woman insist on showing her crooked clunky bow legged ass knot kneed legs?
Bottom line, thanks to you America, we are down to LaBamba, John, and Torrie. You people sent my Sanjungleboy home. Right now America you may picture my chubby naked ass pointing in your general direction. And that's all I will say about that. Oh yeah and imagine a fart noise at the same time. Bad America! Boo!
However being the fickle bitch that I am I still have LaBamba too root for. Oh crap here we go. Lets take a look back shall we? Aww we see scenes of mountains and foliage and nature and all that shit that can kill you in a heartbeat. Unless of course you are Bear Grylls, then you can just drink your own urine and eat bark while on camera and then have a nice tasty dinner at HoJo's. Sick bastard.
Ok more blah blah blah from the announcer douche. 24 days ago they were PLUNGED! PLUNGED I say into the jungle. And the drama was instantaneous. Much like my boredom with this shit is right now. We get, or rather I get to relive Heidious' greasy slobbery meltdown over some one removing the labels from her dry shampoo. Super Douche and his bazillion "Spence outs." They came back. They left, hopefully they fell off a cliff. There were fights, crying, laughing. We found out Janice is a thieving lying bulimic crackhead who loves to shove as much shit in her mouth as possible.
The trials the tribulations. Yes for the love of jungle juice we know. We saw already. Men v/s women. Men rule. Women suck. Wah wah wah. Then one by one America used their vote of death until we are now down to these three.
Oh dear sweet jesus now they want to go BACK and show us how they made it to the finals. WE ALREADY KNOW! Sorry folks, I'm skipping that shit. America killed my Sanjungleboy and then LaBamba sort of made out with him and then they sent Peppermint Patti back to her criminal ass hubby. Good riddance. Bite me.
When they realize they're down to three, John cries for Peppermint Patti, Torrie does a dorky boobie dance and LaBamba gives a speech about being the strongest and proud of the three of them and even though it's self serving and a little over the top seeing as how they are on a set in a safe-ish area of the jungle, I still love him so there!
Oh hell they're baaaaaaaack! After the commercial break the whole cast of well, out casts, has been reassembled. Along with Hemm and Roid to explain everything to us so we won't get confused. For some reason Frick and Frack couldn't make the trip. Probably because they have sense!
The rest however are healthy and happy and Super Douche and Heidious are demon free. They flashback to the many ignorant ass Super Douche moments. His excuse, "You just don't know how you are going to react in a jungle with amazing celebrities." Excuse me? I thought they de-valued your fame asshole? Lamien calls him on it and Super Douche blames Satan or constipation or whatever and kisses everyone's ass. They ask Baby Bloaty what he thinks about all that and he mumbles a bunch of horse shit but what he really means...
Next Kiss and Ass focus on Janice. They flashback to her "bumps in the road". But first they tell her how gorgeous she is. The one shot I don't see is when Janice pisses all over her own feet, doesn't even wipe, and then crawls back into bed. I bet that cot smelled like a dead skunk in the morning.
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Comments (4)
HOW DARE YOU CHERIE! I have snickered and tee-heed at all the little nicknames you gave to those horrible hosts Hemm & Roid, but when you called them Ren & Stimpy you crossed a line that should never have been crossed! Binge & Purge aren't fit to wear Ren's Sta-Put socks or braid Stimpy's nose hairs! I demand an apology for the greatest animated comic duo in the history of toons! I have endured minutes of my life these last few weeks fast forwarding through this crap fest and have lingered lovingly over your recaps but you my dear have committed blasphemy against toon demi-gods. I'm going to go cry now and dream of e-glazed ham....P.S. beware of Kilted Yaksmen bearing gifts!!!!!
1 of 4 | Posted by soapboxx | Posted on June 29, 2009 4:01 PM
Hahahahahaa!!!!!
e-glazed ham? OMG I so apologze to the great Ren & Stempy. It was not my fault. I was under pressure....and running out of names. I shall spank myself repeatedly.
I should have said Dip & Shit. Or Snot & Wad. Or Has & Been.
2 of 4 | Posted by Cherie | Posted on June 29, 2009 7:41 PM
La-la-la-la-la LaBamba! Cherie, they should give you a prize for sticking with this show. Good on you! Hopefully, we won't have to see Bob and Tom (or Beavis and Butthead?) I have to agree, neither are fit to bear the name of Ren or Stimpy. But thanks for putting the Log Song in my head, with minor corrections.
Labamba, Labamba, he's big, he's heavy, he's wood. Labamba, Labamba, he's better than bad, he's good.
(Sang w/ love, b/c I would like to lambada with Labamba, even after that horrific pic you posted. :))
3 of 4 | Posted by jennaboa | Posted on June 30, 2009 7:46 AM
I am sad Sanjaya was sent home. I was so hoping he would build a ranch style house there.
4 of 4 | Posted by Snortles | Posted on July 1, 2009 2:58 PM