Well peeps we're almost there. It's almost over. Let's get right into rehashing everything we've already seen and then I'll tell you if anything new actually occurred on I'm A Celebrity! Get Me Out Of Here!
L. Boogie was having some technical difficulties so we will just skip Tuesday's episode. Ok so to catch up, John is the new leader and he has a serious case of OCD. Janice wants Sanjungleboy to be gay and apparently so do a lot of his friends. LaBamba won immunity from this weeks vote and John, as leader was given the option to save one other person and he chose...himself! That means, LaBamba and John are exempt from America's vote of death.
John wants to win and that's that. It's the law of the jungle y'all. Actually I don't know what laws are in the jungle I just know John ain't fucking around and he wants this shit bad. Ass and Wipe show up to give us all the numbers we need to vote to keep our favorite jungle nut in the game so zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Just go to NBC.
Back at camp John still ain't fucking around. He is really enjoying being the boss. And he's enjoying his new BFF Peppermint Patti as well. The as yet unjaded by the horrors of life little turds are kinda late to get their lazy asses up for the day but the hardest fossil to rouse is always Janice. John tries the soft and flirty approach.
However this is what Janice heard. "GET YOUR LAZY FUCKING ASS OUTTA BED YOU OLD WRINKLED UP HAS BEEN CREEPY FACED PSYCHO!" I mean yeah, I yelled that shit but I'm pretty sure she couldn't hear me. She tells Baby Bloaty that she was rudely awakened by John with no warmth. Well, next time maybe he should take a piss on your head you demented she wolf! Baby Bloaty tried to explain that that is not what happened but Janice is in Janice land where reason and sense go to die.
Janice then drags Baby Bloaty over to tell him a long boring ass dream she had about a woman trying to give her a crew cut and she had to jump into the river to be saved. This my friends, is PROOF! Proof I say that Jesus is in the jungle and he has his sights set on Janice.
But no, Baby Bloaty says that God works in mysterious ways. And that he's coming for Janice. By way of a bloated Baldwin Boy and a nasty looking river. This shit just keeps getting deeper and deeper.
On and on it goes with Janice saying she doesn't like who she is. I don't like who she is either but I ain't snotting all over the place about it. Baby Bloaty tells her with Gods help he changed and so can she. He tells her she already knows all this from her 12 step programs she's worked.
Baby Bloaty thinks he sees progress in Janice and tells John that she's growing on him. John replies "Yeah, like a fungus." Ha! A fungus with herpes.
Uh Oh we have another homesick person. This time it's Torrie. Sanjungleboy tries to cheer her up by saying there's only 8 more days left but to her it might as well be a year. She boo hoo's and wah wah's and poor Sanjungleboy keeps trying but nothing is working. I think she needs some Midol.
Torrie misses being naked and taking showers and blah blah blah. Next time go to a spa you whiny nitwit. Peppermint Patti hugs her because she's just glad to see that pretty girls cry too.
Oh yippie! They've been given art supplies. If you call dried monkey shit and some weird paper art supplies. Any hoodle, they are supposed to draw pictures of themselves in their favorite situation since they've been in the jungle. Janice makes a comment about Holly's picture being good enough to use as a wedding invite for her and Sanjungleboy. Sanjungleboy has an immediate reaction.
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Comments (8)
Ugh.
1 of 8 | Posted by itchy | Posted on June 21, 2009 12:43 AM
Itchy dear, could ya be a little more specific?
2 of 8 | Posted by Cherie | Posted on June 21, 2009 3:28 AM
The show: ugh.
The recaps: Excellent.
In fact, I'm kind of glad the show is on, because the recaps are so much fun to read.
I mean, I have a pretty high tolerance for watching garbage TV, but this one is beyond even me. So I gave up watching the show after the fifth or sixth day.
3 of 8 | Posted by itchy | Posted on June 21, 2009 3:47 AM
LOL and here I was bracing myself for the onslaught of "you suck" "I hate your recapping".
Thank you itchy. And yes the show is garbage but at least it gives me something to work with. It'll be over next week and although I'm bitching now, after its gone I'll be all sad that I don't have anyone to make fun of. I need serious and long term therapy.
Love ya itchy!
4 of 8 | Posted by Cherie | Posted on June 21, 2009 3:57 AM
OMG Cherie you have gotten funnier as the show has gotten even more boring! Loved the pile of smoking bones/holy water comment. LMAO over and over in your recap, thanks needed it. You know LaBamba just looks good because of the loser campmates around him. I mean he just doesn't have enough for network TV, looks,charisma,acting skills. It's too bad cuz he seems like a nice guy. I don't think he could even pull off a 3rd cop recurring role on Law & Order.
5 of 8 | Posted by soapboxx | Posted on June 21, 2009 4:53 AM
I didn't watch this episode...a little thing called So You Think You Can Dance (dance, dance). The picture of Janice was disturbing, but I truly lol'ed when I read the caption. I was at first jealous that she could see the state of her thighs and ass upclose, but then realized I would not enjoy the face full of gyno exam that accompanied it
6 of 8 | Posted by Tadow | Posted on June 21, 2009 5:05 AM
I would love for everyone in America to vote to have Janice thrown in a volcano. Unfortunately I think that's only for virgins. The volcano would just vomit back bones and botox.
7 of 8 | Posted by Snortles | Posted on June 22, 2009 6:46 PM
Great job Cherie! This show is horrible, but you made me wish I had watched it (on FF the entire time).
love, J-Mo :)
P.S. I'm sure that Freestyle recording artist Stevie B. (you may remember his 80's hits "Spring Love" and "Party Your Body" and "In My Eyes" and "I Wanna Be The One") appreciates his moniker being co-opted by Baby Bloaty.
8 of 8 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on June 23, 2009 12:17 PM