How does it start? Dear Celebrities...
It's the beginning of week 3 and another 72 hours have elapsed since we last saw our favorite Costa Rican captives. I consulted the official rules on NBC.com and since we have only made it past vote 2, we still have votes 3-5 remaining--which will leave us with 5 celebrities, and on to vote 6, which I'm assuming will be a straight up popularity contest for the winner.
But since NBC seems to be a fan of arbitrary rule changes, I won't try to apply any more of my fancy college learnin' to the situation.
What am I saying? We should just ask Janice, because she's been on this friggin' show before. She placed second in the UK version in 2007. Seriously. This weakens her transparent pleas for attention even further, don't you think?
The hosts are on hand to recap week 2, which amounts to a bunch of nonsense you barely paid attention to the first time. Daniel Baldwin has been eliminated and Janice Dickenstein remains, even though she's an unsanitary, objectionable, manipulative urinator. America has a love affair with crazies. I can't explain it, but the Lohans are grateful.
We pick up at Daniel's departure, Stephen is sad that his time with Daniel was cut short. It was nice for them to have some grown-man bonding time that was not completely darkened by Alec's shadow. Since they're in an isolated environment, they haven't had the chance to see the Playboy article where Alec announces that Kim tried to destroy him, or that he was suicidal after the "rude little pig" voicemail leaked, or that he's leaving 30 Rock and retiring from acting in 2012. Alec is probably one of the most famous profiles in Playboy and Daniel isn't even the one of the most famous subscribers to Playboy. Yeah.
Janice made a show of clapping when Daniel was eliminated, because she didn't like him... and she's sore loser and a sore winner and has all other types of sores modern medicine hasn't identified yet. Thanks Sly.
Back at camp, the celebrities are trying to prepare a family dinner. Everyone pitches in, except Janice. She provides constant narration, but no help. Janice is in confessional saying that she's in paradise now that Daniel, who did make a point of harassing her, is gone.
As Janice continues to contribute nothing but barking orders and lounging fireside like the drag queen of the Nile, she mentions that she's a great cook and she could cook dinner. Not will, could.
Stephen and Salley express their aversion to a Janice-prepared meal, with Dickenstein standing in the background like Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction. If Close sprang from a vat of Crisco instead of the bathtub.
Seriously, why is she the only one that looks like she's emerged from a pod in The Matrix?
In the wake of Daniel's departure John is considering leaving. John misses Daniel, he's sick of the jungle and he's disheartened to learn that he was at the bottom of the votes last week and was almost eliminated.
He doesn't like that his fate is in the hands of America. He like to control his own fate. The man is a professional athlete, but I haven't come across anything in my research that said he walked off the court because he didn't like his fate in the hands of his teammates and his coach. Was he the first person is the history of the NBA to tell his coach, "I'm coming out of the game now, but not because you told me to, because *I* want to!" No. You play with the team and suffer along with the other 2nd stringers.
John hasn't slept because he's feeling unsettled about his place in camp. The strain on John's psyche has even caused him to reconcile with Janice. They decide just to have fun.
In the only celebrity forum that James Lipton has no interest in, the celebrities conduct a campfire discussion of the benefits of fame.
LaBamba says how he was schooled by Helen Mirren very early in his career. She told Lil' Lou that fame is not normal, to get your priorities straight. That's how Dame Helen keeps her head on straight when at the Oscars and how LaBamba keeps his head on straight when at the Denny's Grand Re-Opening.
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Comments (3)
You have my sympathies for having to watch this.
Any NBA fan would have known John Sully, but even more would have known him from "the Best Damn Sports Show", where he was a regular for years. Tht is probably a pretty big audience. Bigger than the audience for "superficially related to someone famous" or "used to be someone whose name you might recognize".
1 of 3 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on June 19, 2009 8:12 AM
Medusa:
I bet you're glad that this torture is over. They couldn't possibly make a season 2 could they?
Good luck on your next project, look forward to your recaps.
Fatman
2 of 3 | Posted by fatman | Posted on June 22, 2009 8:23 AM
"An unsanitary, objectionable, manipulative urinator." An instant classic.
3 of 3 | Posted by comehomenow | Posted on June 22, 2009 8:19 PM