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She looks three and a half months pregnant, but fact it's just week of being backed up. She tries guava and prunes to relieve her situation, but she's still constipated. She's in constant pain and is sharing her pain with her fellow celebrities with constant shit talk. Literally. Talk of shit.

Patti's under the constant weight of legal trouble. She's been able to concentrate on the good PR game, but when she saw her husband via Skype, it seemed to her like there may be something going on at home that she doesn't know about. John tries to give some serenity, he always wears wooden beads, so we know he's totally Zen.

America has voted to select the participants in the next food trial. Torrie is up for the girls in the "Tunnel of Terror," and the men have Sanjaya.

Each celebrity has 3 minutes to go through the tunnel and pick up 20 stars, of course the stars are accompanied by snakes, iguanas, tarantulas, crayfish, and various other vermin that I didn't want to dissect freshman year of high school.

Sanjaya descends into the terrifying tube first and crawls through like he's straight out of Shawshank and straight into the bowels of Zihuatanejo.

The last leg of the tunnel is all muddy clay water housing more bacteria than Dickenstein's washcloth.

Sanjaya comes through with 19 out of 20 stars, which the best ratio of stars he'll ever earn on a reality television show, Star Search would never would be that generous.

Torrie enters the tunnel and needs a perfect 20 out of 20 stars to win. She's a machine, yes Janice--a machine, and she comes out with 18 stars. Which is impressive, but it's not enough to beat 'Jaya of the Jungle.

Janice is sick, but this time the camp is convinced she's not crying wolf, she's really sick. Of course she's sick, she's has more toxic buildup than the NJ Turnpike.

She's throwing up and finally an ambulance takes her to a nearby hospital. She may have to be observed overnight.

At 3am a snake arrives in camp. Onsite security moves in to remove the snake and passes by Patti... who is surprisingly is not accustomed to sleeping with snakes.

Patti looks to crawl into bed with Salley but he falls back asleep. Patti is only one to see the "ninjas" arrive in camp and remove the snake.

Dickenstein is gone all night, but she makes a triumphant return to camp the next morning. She's bubbly and happy to be back.

Time for a new leader, Lou cannot serve a third consecutive term, even though he won a second term on a completely bogus process, like Dubya.

I predict that Lou will be back in office for a third non-consecutive term next week, cause he's that cool with his Spanish, Scottish/Irish, Chinese, Filipino, Hawaiian, and Cherokee charms. I know you wanted to know, but forgot to Google it. So I looked it up for you.

In this week's leadership challenge, the celebrities will try to guess which one of their fellow celebrities top the polls on NBC.com. They are basically playing The Newlywed Game with America, looooong after the honeymoon is over.

For example one question asks: Which celebrity does America think is the most famous?

Fuck if I know. I'd guess Stephen because people who watch this show voluntarily are probably people who have see him on Celebrity Apprentice, two seasons of Celebrity Mole, Celebrity Fear Factor or The Celebrity Bull Riding Challenge, and now have a distorted perception of his fame and proper use of recreational time.

But the NBC.com poll says that John is the most famous. So far all I know about the audience of this show is that they like to torture the dorky theater boy, they like keeping the crazy chick around and they think the jock is the star of the show. So, I can only conclude that the I'm a Celebrity audience consists entirely of Mike Dexter disciples.

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Posted in I'm A Celebrity! Get Me Out of Here! by Medusa at 11:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)
Last Comment: comehomenow on Jun 22, 2009 08:19 PM.