What a stupid show.

I take pride in the fact that I have never seen the Hills, and up to this point never even knew what SpenHeidious looked like, let alone what they sounded like. Two spoiled little shits. "We picked the largest charities..." yeah fuck you.

Damn this show. NBC is cursed.

Cherie, are you really gonna be able to watch this drivel four nights a week for the sake of all us recap-hungry little fiends? I applaud you.

I watched this one but I couldn't make it through the episode last night. I'm kinda pulling for Sanjaya, but not enough to actually watch or vote or anything. I'll just wait for your recaps.

Cherie, who did you piss off to get to recap this dreck? Ugh.

I have never seen The Hills -- how on earth are those two even remotely entertaining enough to have a show devoted to them. They are everything that is irritating about America. And Lou and the others are "devaluing" their fame? Right. "Fame."

A villain? Really? You aren't a villain, Spencer Pratt, you are just a well-surnamed, spoiled little boy. And I am sure your church is very proud of you for representing Christians, what with your humility, piety and charitable ways. So proud.

It must have been frustrating for them to realize NBC counted their "fame" on par with The World's Oldest Supermodel, Sanjaya and Born Again Baldwin. Oh and an Ex-NBA Star, Crooked Politician's Wife and a Comedy Duo I have never heard of.

Lou, on the other hand, rocks. I tried to watch this for you, Lou, but the entire baptizing Spencer by Born Again nearly killed me last night. I don't care if they aren't on the show anymore, Spencer and Heidi made Christianity into a joke. Not cool, NBC.

Good luck with this one, Cheri.

P.S.: Mylene Klass was part of the winning group Hear'Say, the result of Britain's Popstars show. They were kind of annoying and Liberty X (who came in second) were better. Be glad it's only her shoes that offend you at the moment, because girl is not known for her dress sense and to be a walking wardrobe malfunction. I'm sure she will get her girls out sooner or later. She can't quite help herself.

ok its official i have a very sick sense of humnor. i thought this show was a-frickin-halarious. the two headed spidie monster making janice d sound like a reasonable human, sanjia looking like a man with jungle skills, heidi clutching her dry spray like its her life line. i was very entertained both days.

I am so sorry, Cherie, that you have to recap this show. You know it’s bad when you look things over, and start rooting for Sanjaya.

Count me among the many who, before this show, had no idea what Spencer and Heidi were. I've heard of The Hills, but never bothered to watch it.

As for the two of them being "Christian" (and I say this as a lifelong Christian myself,) they wouldn't recognize Christ if the Son of God bit them on the butt, then asked them to turn the other cheek. They seem to think Jesus and prayer are like a lucky rabbit's foot...and they treat their "faith" with little or no respect. It will be discarded like last year's Manolo Blahnik's when it no longer "works" for them. And that's just sad.

I also believe Spencer must have had a frontal lobe injury…that would explain his uncontrolled temper and his inability to have any real emotions. I don’t know how to explain his delusions of grandeur. His wife needs to be checked for learning disabilities.

It was no surprise the aging supermodel sat out the eating challenge. Why learn a new skill at her age?

I cannot fathom why Lou Diamond Phillips and John Salley lowered themselves to this show.

Good grief, NBC is desperate…

So Spencer is upset that he was placed in the jungle with all of these people "beneath" him? Did he not see any of the commercials for this crap show which clearly showed John Salley, Janice D, etc.?

Thank you Cherie for being the sacraficial lamb on this show. I rather spend ten minutes reading your recap than waste an hour watching the show.

BTW I am from Illinois and can give you a little info on Patti. Her husband was governor, was impeached for (allegedly for now) trying to fill he campaign fund by 1)selling the Senate seat vacated by Obama, 2)interfering with the sale of Wrigley field, and 3)holding up a $1.8 million grant to a childrens hospital for a $50,000 campaign contribution. There are thousands of hours of wiretapped conversations (which someday I hope to hear). Apparently some of the conversations are very vulgar, and Patti recites the "F" word many times. Hence we call Patti "Potty".

Also, the charity that Patti is playing for turned her down - it is a charity for the same children's hospital that her husband tried to extort (allegedly, wink, wink). Thanks again for the recap.

I watched this show solely for Speidi and Janice. The two most entertaining forces wherever they go. I wish the former didn't already quit.

Thanks for the scoop on Patti for us Philo. I knew some of the crap, but not the shit about the charity.

Well Cherie, you did it again. You managed to make a horrible show worth the recap read. I just don't understand what you did to have Flipit give you 2 awful shows in a row.

I read on the vote for the worst website that one of the VPs at NBC had to fly to Costa Rica to convince the Speidi to stay in the competition. Heidi then bitched that there were no real celebrities in the cast and, "you could've at least gotten Kevin Federline." LOL!

Dear Cherie.

Thank you thank you thank for recapping this show, I was hopping tvgasm would recap the show and just make me LMAO! You did not dissapoint!! Great recap!

Sorry I was LMAO from this recap i spelled hoping disappoint wrong!!

here is my prayer:

Please Lord, let me have one chance at kicking the ever living shit out of spencer...i can't stand this guy, and I have only heard about him through this recap...waaaaaaaaaaaay too much douchbaggery from this toolbag...

OMFG -- people are actually watching this fake-arse "show"?!?

This is the first time I have ever felt profoundly sorry for a writer/recapper.

I don't know about everyone else, but I thought this show was a gift from Baby Jesus. I want a t-shirt that says "I am too famous and too rich to be here." I never laughed so hard at someone who wasn't trying to be funny. That was television gold!

No bitch and that ain't real shit I'm about to throw at your dumb ass either.

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahah

I too am awfwy sowwy, Cherie, but great job with the lot you've been handed!!!

Can't believe what a lightning bolt this show is . . . everyone is talking about it . . .

Well, it could be worse, you could have been assigned The Fashion Show...

Don't think I could stomach watching this one. Maybe if there were some hot girls in skimpy clothing. Frick n' Frack just ain't doing it for me. Do they laugh at their own jokes too?

Have to say: I really love your choice of photos...they all look like perfect freaks.

jenna, Frangella were on the vh1 show Best Week Ever before it was taken over by Paul F. Tompkins. I was hoping the recapper would be rooting for them and I am glad you didn't disappoint.

I was so mad about the charity comment. I really wanted Speidi to leave asap. I was expecting Spencer to be a jerk, but I was on the fence about Heidi until that comment. Loved when they fell out of the hammock.

I actually loved this show. I could do without the challenges, but I loved the camp life.

Cherie, I hope someone's paying you to watch this drivel.

As someone who recently moved to Chicago, I've already figured out alot about the dirty politics here. Potty's father is a "influential" (read: hardass) alderman, which is similar to a councilman, in the city of Chicago. And the reason Potty is doing the show is because the Federal Judge refused to let Blago out of the country, so Potty is "sacrificing" herself for her family because they need the money. She got fired from her job shortly after the impeachment. Of course she got her job due to her hubby's strong-arming the non-for-profit.

Considering she was making upward of $700,000 A YEAR from her allegedly illegal now defunct real estate business, I have no sympathy for her so-called financial straights.

Oh yeah, I was wondering what that shit was on the Prat's face? Mold? Hair cancer?

Always happy to see religious types (especially the camera whore variety) confirm my opinion of them.

And I love how Dickensian his name is.

Couple of googled definitions:

Prat:
# buttocks: the fleshy part of the human body that you sit on; "he deserves a good kick in the butt"; "are you going to sit on your fanny and do nothing?"
wordnet.princeton.edu/perl/webwn
# A fool; The buttocks; the female genitals
en.wiktionary.org/wiki/prat

Spencer's rat features are dead to me, as are the 3 magic beans rattling around in his wife's head.

But why does the campsite look like the Gilligan's Island set? We heart Survivor partly b/c of the panoramic views and partly b/c Jeff P. is delicious and doesn't wear crappy shoes.

tv freak: Frangella rock. They are the only thing worth watching on this show.

I just don't see what makes the Pratts celebrities. They are on a reality show ffs.

Heidi and Spencer were the only ones I hadn't heard of. Poor Spencer is going to have a rude awakening when his show is cancelled. (Is it a cable show?)

I like Frangella. They subbed for Stephanie Miller (on talk radio) last year. They're actually very funny. I would listen to them as I drove to work (or the Gold Line station).

The whole show is a train wreck so you should have lots of good material to write about.

Awesome recap Cherie!! I laughed through the whole thing!

Some of my favorite parts:
Same face I make whenever I see your face.

I want to see these two beat the shit out of Super Douche and Heidious.

These two are like a turd that just won't flush

I loved how calm Frangela were during the fight with Spencer. I would have punched him in the face! And the whole 'papa bear gets mad when the baby bear is messed with' wtf is that?! SHUT UP and GO AWAY FOREVER please!!

I tried, I really did, but could not make the full 2 hours. Thanks Cherie for sacraficing yourself for us.
From Team Bethanny:
"But why does the campsite look like the Gilligan's Island set? We heart Survivor partly b/c of the panoramic views and partly b/c Jeff P. is delicious and doesn't wear crappy shoes."
I thought the same thing! Anybody got the dirt on this? It looks like a set on the Universal lot.

This show looks retarded... I think a recap is about all i could handle but I loved it so thats all good!
One thing I knew I'd heard the name Mylene Klass before but couldn't figure where, but then I searched and she's a crappy UK pop star. She was the vocalist on some Miami Electro Kaskade sort of song I had a while back...
I love when you manage to place these obscure celebrities!

I forgot this show was starting and had to catch up online. I am an avid fan of The Hills and was very curious to see how Speidi would be on this show. I'm not surprised at all by Spencer, but it's interesting to see Heidi with an actual personality. She's pretty much Spencer's ventriloquist dummy on The Hills. I had a hard time getting through the 2 hours and I really felt you, Cherie, when you wrote, "By the way, this is still Day 1" or something to that effect. I kept watching the little timer on the computer while I watched the show. Verrry long first episode. The second show moved faster b/c it was only an hour. I am very glad it is being recapped and VERY GLAD (for you Cherie) that they are alternating recappers b/c it would be really cruel and unusual punishment to make the same person watch and recap this show every day. Great job though! I laughed the entire time I was reading it!

Great recap, Cherie. You really opened my eyes to some new information...first off, Spencer is a guy?? He looks like a butch chick to me. I can't believe that this guy's famous...or his insanely retarded wife. I've never watched The Hills, nor do I respect anyone who has. Glad to see these douchebags gone. Now they can go back to reaching their 8-14 teenage girl fanbase and stay in fame and fortune forever since they got their asses outta there.