Styl'd: Herbie Strikes Again
Tonight on Styl'd, we don't get to see Tara go apeshit on Julie's personal belongings. Styl'd, I'm very very dis'pntd in you.
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November 17, 2009
Real Housewives of Orange County: Karma Is A Bitch And So Are You
This week was pretty damn pathetic.
Don't get me wrong, I was entertained and I got a couple of good belly laughs out of it, but the loser factor of these women's lives has rocketed into the stratosphere. Once again I am simply amazed that they are so unselfaware that they allow their vile behavior to be filmed season after season, and a new one signed up for the same crap! What does this Alex Bellino chick think is going to happen? Is she expecting to miraculously get flattering editing? Did she send Miss Andy a case of Mouton Cadet and a lifetime of free veneers in exchange for the kid glove treatment? I mean please, Bravo does not hire housewives with 'couth' and 'tact.' They want the ones who think that that's the name of a new Irish pub in Newport Beach.
Desperate Housewives: Would You Like a Strangling With Your Coffee? No? Just Cream Then.
This week on Desperate Housewives: Susan does a little comm-serve time for, you know, shooting her neighbor (not that Katherine didn't deserve it, because we all know she TOTALLY did); Angie finds out Bree's secret; Gabby is still. Trying. To get. Juanita. Back in school. Please, Cherry, let's just end that soon, mmkay? And Lynette keeps trying to hide her pregnancy. Does it work? Wait and se -- okay, fine, it doesn't. And there's another strangling! But it's probably no one you care about.
The no one you care about strangler is on the loose!
November 16, 2009
Survivor: Lightning Strikes Twice
REMEMBER THIS FACE, FOR IT WILL SPELL YOUR DOOM, LAURA.
Continue reading "Survivor: Survivor: Lightning Strikes Twice" »
Top Chef: Fat Kid Goes To The Circus
Hi guys'n'gals'n'tranzys, and welcome back to our regularly scheduled season of clowns. I never thought I would miss these people so much until they were taken away from me and I had to look at five seasons worth of douchebitchery... not to mention watching Fabio in his apparent audition to become The Next Bertolli Chef™. It's the only thing I can think of to explain the inconsistency of his accent. As far as his hosting/interviewing skills are concerned, well, I don't think Larry King has anything to worry about. Or Jerry Springer for that matter. So, I think we all agree it was all a big snoozy sludgefest, and I don't blame you guys for feeling cheated, too. I did my best to dress it up and make it pretty, but as we all know, you can put a wig and lipstick on a turd, and somehow you still end up with Carrie Prejean...
...or a fat cocky smacktalking little fucker who still mooches off of Mommy & Daddy and styles his hair after a toilet bowl brush...
Whoa, do I sound annoyed? I guess I am a little, because there's a lot of stuff that made me scream "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??!??!" at my TV in this episode of Top Chef, and most of those AYFKM moments are thanks to either Fat Kid, Bitter Jen, or 80's Hooker. Still, it was a little bit like coming home to see them all again, so grab a big bowl of pureéd popcorn (???) and join me after the jump...
Continue reading "Top Chef: Top Chef: Fat Kid Goes To The Circus" »
For the Love of Ray J: Now with More Nudity
In the first three minutes of this week's show, Trouble is drinking before noon, Extra is on a manhunt trying to figure out who left cornflakes in the sink and then she reads the bible.
"I wonder how this book ends..."Continue reading "For the Love of Ray J: For the Love of Ray J: Now with More Nudity" »
Models of the Runway: Models have Moms!
And some who are younger than the models!
Moments before... the three Project Runway finalists received the non-surprise that they will have to design a 13th look for their collections at the very last minute! Our Models of the Runway - Delta, Cheetos and Kalyn - all react like they just saw a soap bubble popping.
Continue reading "Models of the Runway: Models of the Runway: Models have Moms!" »
So You Think You Can Dance: Tapped Out
Tonight America finally gets a vote, Nigel is PISSED and re-writing history yet again, and Cat has commissioned yet another dress made out of gift wrap. THIS is So You Think You Can Dance (dance........dance)!
Tune in next week when she wears a dress made of old potholders
Continue reading "So You Think You Can Dance: So You Think You Can Dance: Tapped Out" »
The Ruins: You're "Costing" Us The "Game"
Apologies for the delays, Gasmii. I was working on my "A game" and "visualizing" my recap and perfecting my "air quotes". And trying to scrape my brain to eliminate this image:
Continue reading "Real World and Road Rules Challenge: The Ruins: You're "Costing" Us The "Game"" »
November 15, 2009
Dancing With the Stars Results PicCap: Oops. Methed Up.
Tonight on Dancing With the Stars Results, Len makes this face. I cannot stress enough: botox doesn't make you look younger. Just scarier. STOP IT, AMERICA!
Continue reading "Dancing with the Stars: Dancing With the Stars Results PicCap: Oops. Methed Up." »
V: Space Doctors Can't Be Trusted Yo
This week on V, The Resistance breaks up and reforms only two less times then Areosmith did, a kid who looks like he wandered off a Tiger Beat cover throws somebody a beat down, and the US government wrestles with whether or not they should recognize the giant spaceships hovering over LA and New York.
Continue reading "V: V: Space Doctors Can't Be Trusted Yo" »
So You Think You Can Dance: Yes Gasmi, There Is A Santa Claus!
I've been feeling a bit bah-humbuggy lately, Gasmi, and I'd almost stopped believing in Santa, and then......it happened! I got an early Christmas wish come true! A Broadway number with no Sir BitchyPants in sight! And not only that! No Joey Dowling either!!! It's an early Christmas miracle!
I wish I could say I missed you, but I didn't, so I won't.
Of course, if I had realized that I was going to be granted a pre-Christmas wish, I would have wished for something more practical like winning the lottery, or a spinning wheel that can spin straw into gold. Damn! I wonder if he'll grant me TWO wishes.
Welcome! To So You Think You Can Dance (dance..........dance)!
November 14, 2009
FlashForward: Poker Face
Al is dead, Janice is barren, Tracy is alive. THE GAME HAS BEEN CHANGED.
Continue reading "Flash Forward: FlashForward: Poker Face" »
America's Next Top Model: And Then There Were Two...
This week on America's Next Top Model, Mr. Jay shocks the girls by announcing that not one, but two of them will be eliminated before the final runway. I'm assuming the designer they suckered into agreeing to do ANTM refused to ruin his/her show with more than two midgets.
Reason # 812,039 why I hope the rumors that he's off the Judges Panel next cycle are true.
Continue reading "America's Next Top Model: America's Next Top Model: And Then There Were Two..." »
The Hills: Bitches, "Breaks" and Medical Mistakes!
That's my "bite your dick off" face.
This week on The Hills, Kristin hones her man huntin' by courting Brody and his plastic surgery mishap of a mother. Jayde and Kristin have a quasi-fight at the kids' favorite hangout, Playhouse and Spencer doesn't know about the human body, or the logistics of a vasectomy! Ooops! Blah dead is still stupid, in other news.
Continue reading "The Hills: The Hills: Bitches, "Breaks" and Medical Mistakes!" »
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