Newsgasm: Oprahvescent Edition - 
by m_ruv
- Somebody named Oprah was on David Letterman last night. Dave couldn't have kissed her ass much more than he did, but it was still a nice interview, and the monologue, top 10 list, and Uma-Oprah gift were hilarious. [NY Times]
- Lost stars Michelle Rodriguez and Cynthia Watros were both arrested last night in separate DUI incidents. Ana Lucia's arresting officer has already been awarded two Congressional Medals of Honor and an increased pension for risk to life and limb. In related news, Ana Lucia is still a bitch. [AP]
- Don't cross charisma queen Alexis Stewart, cause boy does that silly ho hold a grudge. This week she lambasted the oral hygiene of author Candace Bushnell, who profiled Stewart in the New York Observer a few years ago: "I still hate her and her yellow teeth very much... Crooked, yellow, big teeth. With gums!" Honey, we all have gums. [NY Daily News]
- Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck have spawned. They are proud new parents of a baby girl, who will undoubtedly grow up to have beady little eyes and man-shoulders. [AP]
Comments
Man that picture of Oprah and Dave sends chills down my spine. Bow down before Oprah! Like Kathy Griffith says, Oprah thinks she's Jesus.
Posted by: hjordanc | December 2, 2005 9:07 AM(#1 of 13)
"Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck have spawned. They are proud new parents of a baby girl, who will undoubtedly grow up to have beady little eyes and man-shoulders."
And a jaw that Clutch Cargo would envy.
Posted by: Mike | December 2, 2005 9:33 AM(#2 of 13)
Fianlly my hopes for "Reindeer Games 2: the next Generation" have been realized.
Posted by: EdHill![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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December 2, 2005 9:38 AM(#3 of 13)
To the Lost girls:
From Lionel Barrymore in "It's a Wonderful Life":
Happy New Year to you... in jail!
hehehe
ha!
Posted by: ha! | December 2, 2005 9:41 AM(#4 of 13)
Anyone else think that sprog's going to have terrible taste in movies?
"Daddy, I think Gigli is the best."
Posted by: redhaiku | December 2, 2005 9:57 AM(#5 of 13)
"Honey, we all have gums." Yeah that's true but some gums are stankety stank stank. For instance, Anna Nicole Smith. "Anna could you please turn your head? I'm trying to swallow my food."
I'm also thinking that "Bennifer 2" is unoriginal and should maybe be replaced with "Scuzzifer". Whattaya think?
Posted by: Lizardqueen | December 2, 2005 10:45 AM(#6 of 13)
I never, NEVER trusted those "Tailies". They throw you in traps to mess with your mind, steal your gun, accidentally shoot your girlfriend, claim they are the sole survivors of the Oceanic flight, mistaken people for "the others", and NOW add a DUI to that. Jeesh!
Posted by: British | December 2, 2005 11:31 AM(#7 of 13)
I so want Michelle Rodriguez to throw me down a flight of steps. It would be the hottest thing of ever.
Posted by: Papercuts! | December 2, 2005 1:27 PM(#8 of 13)
Looks like Danny from Real World Austin has a baby sister!
Posted by: The Dogg Pound | December 2, 2005 2:04 PM(#9 of 13)
"Lost stars Michelle Rodriguez and Cynthia Watros were both arrested last night in separate DUI incidents."
Awww that sucks.. but shame on both of them for driving drunk... or "under the influence" or whatever the hell you wanna call it.
Heard they were fined $500 and gotta appear in court and go to some sorta car class crap and blah blah blah.
Posted by: GOGOHurley!! | December 2, 2005 9:47 PM(#10 of 13)
The smoking Gun has the mugshots if you're interested.
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/mugshots/lostgirlsmug1.html
Watros looks especially haggard.
Posted by: J | December 3, 2005 11:12 AM(#11 of 13)
If those mug shots aren't of drunk people-then I don't know what drunk is.
Posted by: Victoria | December 4, 2005 12:01 AM(#12 of 13)
I dunno, looks more like Watros was crying than anything else - red puffy eyes, flushed, blotchy complexion, I mean no one looks that bad when they're drunk.
That picture of David and Oprah, however, will give me nightmares. That woman is EVIL!
Posted by: chronic | December 4, 2005 5:02 AM(#13 of 13)