• The War on Paris was handed a huge victory today! Much to my delight, Paris Hilton's debut album, Paris, is a complete bomb, moving only 75,000 units in its first week. No one is really shocked that the CD sucks, but many were surprised to find that it swallows. [Boston Herald]

• Movie poison, Colin Farrell, has been granted a restraining order against Dessarae Bradford, the woman who verbally assaulted him at a taping of the Tonight Show on July 20. Bradford is required to stay away from Farrell, his 2 year old son, and Farrell's Baby Mama, model Kim Bordenave. The fact that the restraining order happens to protect Bradford from herpes, Chlamydia and HPV, happens to be a bonus. [Washington Post]

• In case those skanks on Wisteria Lane weren't skanky enough ABC plans an Americanized version of the Brit soap Footballer$ Wive$. [TV Guide]

• Current American Idol, Taylor Hicks, has settled his lawsuit with his pre-Idol record producer, thus preventing the release of Hicks' previously recorded songs. The case preventing any of Hicks' future recordings is still pending, but dear God, we're hopeful. [AP]

• On Wednesday, Suri's Bronzed Baby Poop sculpture goes on display. Yes, it's exactly what it sounds like. [E! Online]