Janice fears Polina is developing an eating disorder, but I don't think they have those on other planets. C'mon, Janice, Do your research. The next morning brings more complaints about the cleanliness of the models and Janice gets them all oiled up for the TinTe Cosmetics Casting. She goes snooping under Polina's bed and finds....cake boxes. Throat Spray. And, a space helmet. Maurice, Polina's roommate, thinks it's no big deal and that it's her genetics. I think, also, he said that even if she was a space alien bullemic, he'd still do her in her alien parts. That's just something I think I hear him say. When we were talking. That other day.
Come on, Polina. What, you don't like black guys?
TinTe cosmetics seems...pretty much like any other small scale cosmetics company. Wow. What? They sell lip gloss? Eye shit? In different colors? How unique. Sign me up, will you? I love colors n' Chemicals. All the ladies have to chisel off their makeup for the casting, but for some it seemed more difficult than others. Polina sneaks some maekup on for the casting, becase she feels a little..too naked without it. Too naked, or need to cover up your gils and aforementioned alien parts, hmm?
When all the women are all nekkid-faced, TinTe makes them scavenge the bag of makeup to put on...new makeup. TinTe chooses Crystal, Xian, Nadia, Dominique and Selina. Polina gets all pissed off because she really wanted to get cast.
Was it my mascara?
Janice keeps pushes Hazuki onto TinTe, but they don't bite. Sorry, Hazuki. Even a new hairdo doesn't hide your boringness. Hey, maybe some DDR or a brand new hellokitty backpack will cheer you up! In the end, TinTe picks Crystal, Dominique and Xian "does this shoot have a buffet table" Wilkinson. Okay, her last name isn't really Wilkinson. But she totally asked me about the buffet last shoot.
But what? Dominique isn't available on the shoot day? that's fine. Where's Nadia? That's cool. No hard feelings...right? It's okay that Nadia's not as pretty or as fire-crotched. No biggie. Right? This agency's pretty laid back. Right . Janice gives Dominique an ultimatum because she's got too many "agents." And by agents, I think it means pimps. Just sayin.' Aparrently, models can have more than one agent, and Dominique all went and booked something "off camera," as I say (meaning, in real life. Meaning, out of the lazered, Orwellian gaze of G Dogg). Dominique defends her honor and mediocre looks by saying that she didn't "have Janice's number." what? Doesn't everybody?
You can call Janice, or get on your electric horse and buggy and pay her a visit.
Again, Janice tells Dominique to hit the road. But it's not a huge loss, I mean, she might've been tall and skinny, but she wasn't really pretty. Dominque whines a little. then comes back in demanding money from Janice for a past "job." Janice, in turn, gives little orphan Anniefirecrotch a business card with the agency's number on it.
Dominique, do you like what you see?
Wow, a real, live business card. What will they think of next?
Dominique, like any pseudo-homeless person, stares at the card in wonderment. If she had just told Janice she was booked...all this would've been solved. And, no good TV moments emphasizing Dominique's frumpy-assedness and Janice's hundred year old
face.
Can anyone spare some chicken bones? I want to make a soup.
In an act of utter incomprehension on my part, the awkward squabbling becomes and even more awkward hug. And then, apologies. Come on, J.D. That doesn't make for T.V. why don't you, like, set her head on fire or hide Dominique's sweater-shrug thing? Here in TVland, we put gas on the flames, not flap our botox-lips in apology. Geesh!
Dominique admits she's a little afraid of Janice (no shit, she's 1,000 years old. She probably captured the lindburgh baby and is storing pieces of the berlin wall in her coochie. NO SHIT.) but she's relieved that Janice let her back into the agency after sorta- firing her. Oh, but more drama awaits before the night is through for JDMA (the agency and the show). Hazuki gets all mopey because she's Japanese. What? Don't go against stereotype, Hazuki. Now how will I make all the Hello Kitty jokes that I so love? Hazuki is pretty intimidated by the other girl-models, and she gets all weepy.
I just don't feel as white as the other girls (wipes snot from nose).
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Comments (5)
Hi, Monamonzano
I admit this is my first recap by you (I mean this show). I have to say you are really funny, in the recaps are pretty much in keeping with the spirit of TVGasm ,which we all love so.
I have only couple of issues:
1. Janice's last name is Dickinson not Diskenson. Is there some peculiar reason you are misspelling it this way? (If there is a joke there I'd like to be in on it too).
2. Just because we chose to watch this show and/or read recaps from it, does not mean are we total morons. I would therefore appreciate if you could run your recap thru a spell checker before posting it - I hate seeing completely avoidable errors. It really takes away from my enjoyment of the piece. You may think I'm being anal, but hey, we all have our own opinions.
Other than that, I thoroughly enjoy coming to this site for recaps, and am very happy you fit in so well with the flavor and spirit of TVGasm
Lost of Love.
1 of 5 | Posted by renata | Posted on September 22, 2008 7:41 PM
Hey Mona,
For myself, I don't care about spelling and typos, I soooo appreciate coming to my favorite site and reading delicious snark about these abysmal shows!!!
I know Kehoe will be back for that needed reality TV drama, but he is a blight who can just go off my screen forever. That alien has an eating disorder fer sure, and that's always a shame. Crystal is blah to me, I don't see it. First time I could really see Xion's appeal, in some of the first pictures I've seen featured. Last recap I posted something about this and ANTM but I guess it never posted . . . . mainly that I like it better coz they have the pics at the end, and sometimes throughout.
Keep up the good work, Mona, I'm sure the light comments have to do with the show and not your beautiful prose!!!
Also, that elder statesman is an "out" mo--the first season was all about his coming to terms with it. He's better here than he was on Survivor . . .
xoxox
2 of 5 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on September 23, 2008 10:33 AM
I just assume that every viewing of a show like this kills off more brain cells than a whole year of nightly binge drinking, so the typos just become part of the fun....what'll be left of monomonmonomono (huh? what? oh) 's brain by the time this show is done?
3 of 5 | Posted by itchy | Posted on September 23, 2008 12:53 PM
Ohhh! Typo controversy! ooo!
To be honest, I AM a moron. I've been under the impression it was Dickenson, not Dickinson, for some reason.* I'm glad you guys read the recaps, and I know I'm snarky as shit, not because I hate the constituency of viewers* but because it's fun to be a bitch. I watch all the reality TV I can get my grubby little fingers on, believe me. And yeah, maybe I'm more moron than smart, but that doesn't have to do with what media I expose myself to.*
Anyway, thanks still for reading, even if my brain is slowly turning into mush. Can you believe I have a MFA in creative writing? I Know! Fucking unbelievable. Itchy is right! Blllarrggh...soon my recaps will consist of one syllable words and pictures of hand turkeys.
*I'm usually drunk when writing my recap
*but because I'm usually drunk when writingmy recap
*it's because I'm usually drunk when writing my recap
4 of 5 | Posted by Monamonzano | Posted on September 24, 2008 7:53 PM
oh, and there were 5 typos/grammatical errors in that last comment. God bless America.
5 of 5 | Posted by Monamonzano | Posted on September 24, 2008 7:57 PM