Hazuki, just cause you ain't Jersey Trash or a mallrat doesn't mean you aren't worthless in other ways. And, actually, it's probably better english isn't your second language so we can't hear all the mundane things you're saying. Of course, Seline boring-face puts in her two cents about a situation that is sooo her business. Seline reiterates the harships Hazuki must feel about being bilingual. Boo, hoo.
Oh, we're all so sorry you aren't white and dumb, Hazuki. Hugz!
And so ends another night in the whackjob mansion. The next morning, new surprises are in store. All the men have to get up early to wha? Have a ballet lesson. Of course, it's just the guys cause, you know, girls don't need to have poise or balance. Oh, and yeah, men doing girly ballet shit is better for tv. Right?
Just call me Frau Hard Nipples.
J.D. was all dimayed, but of course, it's mostly just hiding his excitement right? Cause all closeted gay men love the ballet, right? Chandler feels like a douchebag (but you're so boring!) but Danny Nunez didn't think it was a big deal, cause he goes naked everywhere.
You only get 8 dollars an hour from this community college art class, but you get to show your wang. You'll take it? Perfect.
Serin gets a bit of a boner with all the soft man-legging action, but most of the guys just look like uncomfortable extras from a UC-Long Beach's production of Pippin. J.D., ever the kiss ass, appreciates Janice's "suprise classes" because they teach him that he can be gay for an hour without being found out. J.D., your life seems...bejeweled with awesomeness. Really. Just admit you're 45 and homosexual. Do it. Do it. Marty makes a big fuss because he's deaf and in the back of the bus (I mean, line. Is there no justice for anyone?) so he gets to do his plie first. Serin, on the other hand, is completely in his element.
Finally a chance for Serin to be himself.
But who wins the challenge? J.P. is picked as the best dancer (suprise) and Peyton as the worst, so he has to wear a dog collar? I don't get it. J.P., Danny and Peyton all get invited to live in the house (still don't get it). Janice, in her incoherent blather, says something about J.P. showing the guys the ropes, and about Peyton and Danny being rising stars. Aww...sure, Janice. But will their parole officers mind they're living in your house? hmm?
Of course, inside the house Janice's non-model crew have beached themselves on a couch.
Talkin' current events at the JDMA.
Danny and Peyton waltz in playing their favorite game, Toilet-paper football, and the makeup artists get all pissy. Really? Do they really expect more from the models. Because I don't. Models are like puppies with nice cheekbones...you always gotta make sure to keep a tarp on your bed for pee-pee stains. The makeup guy,Gabe, is offended to be called "bro" by Danny (is he mad because he looks like an eighth grade boy? or that he will never have sexual intercourse with any of the models, ever, even if he like, makes a model- trap out of a propped up box and a string to pull when the model wanders into the box?) Names fly- like "corn fed," "old-ass" and "bro" some more. Peyton is escorted out of the house and Gabe somehow has someone shove a broomstick even more up his ass, and walks out in a huff. Gabe looks like a little 8th grade boy gargoyle with too much orange base, btw. Peyton goes to apologize to Gabe upon Janice's prompting, but can't find him. Anti-climactic, I know. Oh well. Know what'll make everyone feel better? More mayhem. And half-assedly hitting on Janice when trying to select beds. Unfortunately, there are no beds for the two newbies, so they make a little rape-villa out of a living room and steal other people's covers to sleep on. Nice. It's like spring break, almost, only I don't get any pre-violation pina coladas.
Yeahhh! We VIP. Totally. To celebrate, I'm going to bite something.
The "VIP" room, oozing class.
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Comments (5)
Hi, Monamonzano
I admit this is my first recap by you (I mean this show). I have to say you are really funny, in the recaps are pretty much in keeping with the spirit of TVGasm ,which we all love so.
I have only couple of issues:
1. Janice's last name is Dickinson not Diskenson. Is there some peculiar reason you are misspelling it this way? (If there is a joke there I'd like to be in on it too).
2. Just because we chose to watch this show and/or read recaps from it, does not mean are we total morons. I would therefore appreciate if you could run your recap thru a spell checker before posting it - I hate seeing completely avoidable errors. It really takes away from my enjoyment of the piece. You may think I'm being anal, but hey, we all have our own opinions.
Other than that, I thoroughly enjoy coming to this site for recaps, and am very happy you fit in so well with the flavor and spirit of TVGasm
Lost of Love.
1 of 5 | Posted by renata | Posted on September 22, 2008 7:41 PM
Hey Mona,
For myself, I don't care about spelling and typos, I soooo appreciate coming to my favorite site and reading delicious snark about these abysmal shows!!!
I know Kehoe will be back for that needed reality TV drama, but he is a blight who can just go off my screen forever. That alien has an eating disorder fer sure, and that's always a shame. Crystal is blah to me, I don't see it. First time I could really see Xion's appeal, in some of the first pictures I've seen featured. Last recap I posted something about this and ANTM but I guess it never posted . . . . mainly that I like it better coz they have the pics at the end, and sometimes throughout.
Keep up the good work, Mona, I'm sure the light comments have to do with the show and not your beautiful prose!!!
Also, that elder statesman is an "out" mo--the first season was all about his coming to terms with it. He's better here than he was on Survivor . . .
xoxox
2 of 5 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on September 23, 2008 10:33 AM
I just assume that every viewing of a show like this kills off more brain cells than a whole year of nightly binge drinking, so the typos just become part of the fun....what'll be left of monomonmonomono (huh? what? oh) 's brain by the time this show is done?
3 of 5 | Posted by itchy | Posted on September 23, 2008 12:53 PM
Ohhh! Typo controversy! ooo!
To be honest, I AM a moron. I've been under the impression it was Dickenson, not Dickinson, for some reason.* I'm glad you guys read the recaps, and I know I'm snarky as shit, not because I hate the constituency of viewers* but because it's fun to be a bitch. I watch all the reality TV I can get my grubby little fingers on, believe me. And yeah, maybe I'm more moron than smart, but that doesn't have to do with what media I expose myself to.*
Anyway, thanks still for reading, even if my brain is slowly turning into mush. Can you believe I have a MFA in creative writing? I Know! Fucking unbelievable. Itchy is right! Blllarrggh...soon my recaps will consist of one syllable words and pictures of hand turkeys.
*I'm usually drunk when writing my recap
*but because I'm usually drunk when writingmy recap
*it's because I'm usually drunk when writing my recap
4 of 5 | Posted by Monamonzano | Posted on September 24, 2008 7:53 PM
oh, and there were 5 typos/grammatical errors in that last comment. God bless America.
5 of 5 | Posted by Monamonzano | Posted on September 24, 2008 7:57 PM