Testimonials

1. Why isn't Janice's kid living with her? Oh wait, we're taking about Janice Dickinson. Okay, next.
2. Why does an 8th grader need history help from models? It's like a blind person leading a less blind person. Or, like asking models to help with ANYTHING aside from looking pretty or weird. It just doesn't. Make. Sense.
3. She looks like a gayer version of her brother, Nathan. And not at all like Janice, although that isn't necessarily a problem. At all.

Hey, I'm Savannah. This is old man river, my Mom. She was born in 389 B.C.E., so how old would that make her? Oh wait, that's more math than history. My bad.

The models, of course, are clueless.

Wow, that history notebook sure is shiiinny. How do you concentrate in class?

This has got to be just an open mockery of the Models' intellect. Traci asserts that she doesn't believe in "history facts or politics." Really? I liked you once, Traci...now you do seem like more of a drowned mallrat than ever. You always looked so concerned, and i think I mistook that for....I dunno...thoughts....?

Chandler, on the other hand, is getting all of the questions, even the hard ones!

"That's the first Amendment. Oh, and I made a poopy."

"Gee, I sure wish Janice's daughter's head was a ham sandwich."

I love seeing the models out of their element. Maurice tries to defend his dumbness by saying that he's more of a "math and scientologist" than a history guy. Ohhh, GOT IT. Awesome, Maurice. And Polina seems to be the dumbest of all, not knowing who Stalin is, with her being Russian and all.

Oh god oh god oh god please don't pick me....

Actually, it makes sense that she wouldn't know it, because that reinforces my theory that she's a FUCKING SPACE ALIEN. YEAH, from OUTER SPACE. You heard me. THE COSMOS. Still, she's sooo stupid. Even Chandler-fetal-alcohol-syndrome is making fun of her. And so went JDMA Trivia, and then it was probably time for little Savannah to, I dunno, do some botox JR before bed. Remember: you're never too young for plumping.

For christmas I want to not look like my mom. Ever.

Later that evening, we finally get to see a little flirty-flirty going on between fetal alcohol syndrome Chandler and Piglet XIan. And oh yes, it's awkward.

Next we'll make uncooked macaroni necklaces and I'll eat them! Will you be my boyfriend?

Xian thinks Fetal Alcohol is "intelligent" and "offbeat." And yeah, also had "too much alcohol in the womb (that's a direct quote)." Traci, ever the more abrasive in my eyes, finds a note from Xian to Chandler hamfistedly congratulating him on knowing basic world history. She slips it under Janice's door and goes to bed...

Traci: Mallrat Ninja.

The next morning Janice finds the note before buttcrack-of-dawn yoga.

If Xian dates Chandler, I will rip Xian's lips off, make a necklace out of them and make her wear it.

The models, all groggy and fetus-looking, do their best at contorting their bodies. It seems like more and more models are slowly sneaking into the house, or like, are lounging around at odd hours. Anyhow, this is sort of funny:

It's like, funny, but also an analogy for JDMA. Okay, that's less World History and more English Lit. My bad.

Oh, and here's for more douchebaggery to replace Kehoe: The Ed Hardy Representatives Steve Barston and Nathan Romano come to the house to pick them up some grade A model-meat for their line of walking-anus wear. I mean, loungewear. Whatever. They immediately want Peyton for the face of their asshole product line. Of course, I nominate Kehoe but whatever, you can't always get what you want in life. Janice suggests shooting the photographs on the deck of U.S.S. Crazy (the model house). GREAT IDEA. And they agree. How serendipitous.

Paul Vandervourt, another indescript white boring model-guy, talks to Janice about his being a short-ass...the shortest model in the house at 5'10. He seems totally lame, and Janice answers him with a totally lame answer: you just have to fight and work and all that shit. Janice says that she had to "kick down major doors" when she was modeling (because being a beautiful brunette is SOOO Tough) and to keep up the good work.

Here's a Trivia question: who is this woman? Here's a hint: she doesn't actually play basketball. I think she might even be older than basketball...

Oh, and the canoodleing between piglet and Chandler don't stop! Janice checks in on their awkward straddling and mumbles spells to herself...

Another hint: it isn't the gay on the right.

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Posted in Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency by Monamonzano at 7:19 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)
Last Comment: juddfan on Sep 29, 2008 01:22 PM.