Later that night, Big Brother Janice overhears Chandler badmouthing Mallrat, calling her "a slut in all the wrong ways." Which is probably true, if whining and being fat and shopping are all parts of slut-dom. Janice has one of her little sit-downs with Chandler, which usually accomplishes nothing (Polina, anyone?) but still seems dramatic nonetheless. Then Janice spews more nonsense at Chandler-fetal-alcohol like "I'm a three headed ape if Traci is a virgin" and "you could be president." Wha? President of what? Dickinsoncrazyville, U.S.A.? Oh, wait, that position is taken. Town fatty? That position is taken as well. Gremlin-in-residence? Also taken. How about villager-afflicted-with-fetal-alcohol-syndrome-lame-ass? There we go. Applications are due in my office by 9 past Michael Jackson.
I love how fetal alcohol is all holier than thou, too, saying that he calls people names because they're boring and stupid. What about you, Chandler?
Having horrible facial hair does not make you smart.
Wearing bracelets from Spencer Gifts does not make you smart.
Carrying around a pad o' scribblins' does not make you smart.
Because Gremlin has nothing to do but count billy goats and guard rainbows all day, he comes back to the house that evening for a fitting. Gremlin calls her commercial again, and Crystal, wavering in her confidence in being odd-looking goes to slick her hair back in hopes to look...high fashion? Okay.
Not only did I come with my hair slicked back, but I'm wearing sea glass and an old, see-through tablecloth. Am I hired?
Finally, the Gremlin hires Crystal. Geez.
The Gremlin make me work for it... (weeps)
In the end, Gremlin books Pierce, CC Slutty, Braneka, Lisa, Toi, Nadia bitch-face, Erika, Crystal, Selina the bland, Mia and Hazuki. Geez, half of these names I don't know. Where are all the other models hiding? In the rafters of the model house? In that big fake boat out back? In Janice's wrinkles? Who knows. I think we can all be happy that Hazuki got booked...I'm really sick of seeing her disappointed little Japanese face all mopey-mopey all the time. Hey, Hazuki. Cheer up. Have some sushi or some candy that tastes like fish. It's your lucky day!
Settle down, Gremlin. All the models are tamed and potty trained.
Anyhoo, who fucking brings a whip to casting? Besides me, because I have to keep all the washboard chested male models off of my goods. Yeah, I don't think Gremlin has that problem, unless maybe he has some sort of centaur problem in his magic garden where he keeps princesses to eat and barter for golden eggs. Yeah, that's the ticket.
And for our weekly round of extraneous merry-making, Janice calls in Cindera Che, a performance coach. Actually, I think it's Jennifer Tilly researching for her next role as an asian hipster. Or, it's Janice if she had never had any work done on her face or body.
I loved you in seed of Chucky!
Cindera Che was absolutely flabbergasted that the models showed up in "pajamas," (aka not a ripped up T shirt?) and told them to loose most of their clothes, which was hiding their sensuality. Too bad for Xian, her shirt was also hiding a six pack of crispy cremes she planned on wolfing down at the nearest snack break. Yeah, models get snack breaks, right? I'm the expert. Also to note, I love that Cindera Che was wearing her own shirt. Too bad it looks like it was pawed by a tiger before getting to the model house. Rowrrr!
Meanwhile, Cindera seems to be less a performance coach and more like a stripper workout instructor at a 24 hour fitness. And the models aren't models, but fat-assed housewives hoping someday that their husbands will actually enjoy sexual intercourse again.
Holy shit we're awkward.
I wish Mallrat had a good still of looking like an idiot, because she really didn't seem to get the concept of slithering around like a slut in her bra and underwear. It isn't hard- you're models. Do it. Do it. I like how Janice and everyone seems to think Traci is a slut, but I don't believe it. I mean, there is absolutely NOTHING sexual about Traci whatsoever, so I'm not sure where everyone's getting this shit from, maybe Tyramail? Wait, wrong show.
Then, Gremlin stops by AGAIN. I mean, doesn't he have some sort of fashion design job or something? Or is Spencer Gifts closed for the Jewish Holidays? Hah. Did you like how I put another Spencer Gifts reference in there? Yeah, I'm awesome.
Munchkin conference.
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Comments (2)
Great recap, Mona!!! I really felt discusted that Gremlin came over the house and the prostitutes, I mean, models had to bump and grind and pop wood for his entertainment . . . very casting couch if you ask me . . .
That walk was ridonk, and as much as I like people who eat and are healthy and not all collar bone, it was delicious when Piggy and Mall Rat got called out for being size 2 (3-4?) in a zero sized world . . .
Whatta you think, does the short one have a chance in the dog eat dog modeling world, he's only 5'10" don't cha know . . .
1 of 2 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on October 7, 2008 11:39 AM
OMG OMG, i cant wait for the next recap. here's what happened ok.
chandler gets his ass whooped when he takes on the wrong plus size girl, What a douche, he got a taste of his own medicine after he insults alien girl and sorin for being russian and romanian! neway
JP awww, his like soo sad, he didnt wanna do the shoot cuz he says his a gay role model, since when? dude u came out, so did lance bass, so wat?
neway, Xian, hello girlfriend is called PLUS size by janice and she goes like crazy, and starts to simulate getting butt fucked by danny (MMMMM danny....)
so chandler douche gets pissed, Xian starts to rethink about chandler, cuz his showing his true colors, she said "i thought he was nice"
neway, so go see for asian lady lingerie, its like halloween sex party so yeah..
neway!! PLZ u guys need to do more...
and preview for next week!! DATE RAPE KEHOE is back... omg i luv him, bring him back!
and
2 of 2 | Posted by loopygorilla | Posted on October 12, 2008 7:16 AM