Okay, I know this is horrible but I love love love how openly disgusted Janice is with fat women. It's hilarious. I mean, I'd chose fat over freakish any day, but apparently Janice has gotten so used to looking in a mirror and seeing herself as awesome and normal that she finds someone fatter worlds more gross than her own face: a cluster of silicone and makeup.
But- Nathan to the rescue- he's gonna rustle up some fatties for tomorrow's shoot. And how will he do it? I dunno. Leave a BIG box, propped open with a stick and with a cake inside, and when a fatty comes huntin' for cakes pull the stick out and trap the fatty! Just make sure Traci, Xian and Polina aren't around to get their little fingers on those gooey sweet things.
Nathan brings three fatties to the seven till midnight casting: Amber, Ivory, and Ilana. Wow, sounds precious. And by precious, I don't mean petite or bird-like.
Fatties in the hizzy!
Okay, the other girls are sorta cute, but Ivory Kalber, the blonde looking 40 year old, looks like Cindy McCain. She professes that she would love Janice as an agent and that she's a size 14, the size that would make Janice a ton o' money. Uh, okay. Are you including the cost of feed?
No, Monamonzano. I am not.
So Mr. Miyagi picks Ivory. Why? I dunno. Maybe they literally WANTED a soccer mom to represent their product. Who knows? What? I'm not a fortune teller or god. I'm just a genius who writes tvgasm recaps.
Janice is still not convinced that Ivory fits in with the theme of the agency. Namely, this theme is "thin-ness," or perhaps "not eating."
And I'm still not convinced that this company is legit. I mean, look at Selina. She looks like a porn star from the 70's....
Just twirl your hair. Do you need cocaine? A tab cola?
The clients are pleased with Selina's blandness, too! Does that sound legit?
In this picture, you're going for...vacant. NICE!
Then Xian goes. Selina sings Xian's praises about how she's a good person, a good, experienced model and she can eat a whole bag of Kettle chips in one sitting, blah blah blah. Here's a picture of Xian's ass, just proving that she's still a working model (porno model?) albeit a piglet:
Stunning in orange poly-blend
Dominic is "laying there," unimpressed with the shoot as a whole. They suit him up as "Dr. Midnight," and the Seven 'till midnight start ribbing on him for being lame. But he isn't lame-! Remember when he beat the shit outta Kehoe? Yeah you do.
I'd rather be beatin' the shit outta someone....
So, Janice comes barking up the photo shoot tree, and Ivory (oh, sweet, naive Ivory) thinks Janice is gonna think she looks fabulous. Of course, Janice basically says that she "sees this (gag) plus size girl and wanted to throw up my cottage cheese all over her fake leather shoes...bluugh." That's almost verbatim, and I'm not even joking. Everyone else loves Ivory, even though she sorta looked like a barge in all of her outfits.
Can I eat my cheese plate in costume? It helps me get into character...
Okay, I'm loving Janice trying not to gag at the sight of Ivory. She goes, "you look amazing according to the client" then she stares unhappily at Ivory's belly, and then she throws up a little in her mouth. Not even joking.
Gross gross gross. No, not you. Um, I mean, you. God help us all.
Janice is "loosing sleep and clumps of weave" over the state of her agency, namely because of the impending threat of fatties, commercial divisions and, I dunno, my expertise at calling her out on her shit. Janice considers Xian the plus size of the house, and says so to her face, as if that's supposed to make Xian feel loved, or at home, or something. I cannot. believe. Janice. Has. Kids. Wowzers. She goes on to chide Xian for eating pizzas and shit, too, because Janice is nervous Xian's gonna look like Ivory.
Back at the house, Xian plays with her belly and leg fat in hopes of...seeming endearing?
Hey you guys! Like me! Look! Let my fat put you to sleep....
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Comments (4)
I could not believe Janice's reaction to the fatties, I mean plus size girls. I mean really, does she think fat is contagious? I wish/hope that one of the big girls slaps the crap out of her next episode. And what is up with her son's voice? Its creepy. Loved the recap!
1 of 4 | Posted by Cherie | Posted on October 14, 2008 6:08 PM
Oh yeah Happy Birthday lol.
2 of 4 | Posted by Cherie | Posted on October 14, 2008 6:10 PM
more and more this show just seems so set up . . . I doubt Lips was unaware that she needed plus sizes, I think they also needed house drama, and they sure got some of that . . .
I couldn't really focus on it at all, I so didn't care, and Xion . . . I'm with Lips on her, if you want to be a model, lose the weight, or at least be a fit model like Elle or something . . . . she's soooooo lazy . . . and frankly, all they have to do is sit around the house till they get called on a job, so hard, I could never find time to work out . . .
Thanks for the great recap tho, Mona, and I'm kind of glad the show's ending, but I will miss our special time together, so for that I'm sad . . . ."sniff"
Loved the hideous fish grab too, imagine kissing that . . .
3 of 4 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on October 15, 2008 4:54 PM
Glad you enjoyed my recaps, folks! I'm moving onto a new show, soon, but I'm all about making fun of the fatties (well, not really. Mostly just Xian). Yeah- it's totally staged.
Fish grad courtesy of Flipit!
4 of 4 | Posted by Monamonzano | Posted on October 16, 2008 3:35 AM