This week in the JDMA, Chandler picks on plussie Alana and Marty has a little chat about acceptance with the plussies. Plus Size Model Magazine comes and casts Alana and Ivory for a shoot and though Janice doesn't like the idea, she brings FROOT LOOPS TO THE CASTING. FROOT LOOPS. The shoot is sloppy and Janice's publicist tries to smooth over Janice's plus sized ineptitudes. HA! Later, Parke & Ronen cast some men for swimwear, and it's creepy. Fetal gets jealous of Xian's flirting (especially with Danny) and Janice goes to a Justin Monroe photo shoot that is supposed to be a weird, surreal side show. And, is. Ronen gets angry at Janice for not showing up to his shoot, and they bicker on the phone.
Hey Y'alls!
You best be handing over that snickers, cameraman.
When we left off here on SS Crazyville, aka the Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency, Alana was asking Chandler if he knew what a "can of ass whooping" meant. Geez, I hope she lets him know, first hand, and Chandler struggles to get out from under her one hundred fifty pound ham hock of a leg. Mmmm, Ham hocks.
Downstairs, the normal models are drinking, and the plus-sizes decide to join the par-tay. Chandler Fetal Alcohol sidles his drunk self over to Alana, AGAIN, to call her a "hooker."
oh no you didn't. I will EAT you.
Yeah, isn't that funny? A Hooker. Nice, Chandler. For being the college graduate of the house you sure like to pull out all the insult stops. Hooker! Well played, chap. And, matching fetal alcohol in misguided disgust is Alana thinking that the comment is racist. Right. Come on, hookers come in all colors of the rainbow!
You can pick one in every flavor, including "babysweat" and "manmeat"
Then Fetal Alcohol suggest that perhaps, just perhaps, he has "something against women in general." Hmm...I'm going to go as far as to say Fetal Alcohol Syndrome is a big. Fucking. BABY.
Still life with asswipe in hideous vest.
Alana feels like Fetal Alcohol Syndrome was trying to assert himself as king of the castle (no shit) and that the twos of them have a "language barrier. " But, suprisingly, there are more differences between them: They are also in, what I like to call, "different weight classes." AKA, watch your nuts Fetal Alcohol.
Because Alana calls dibs.
Fetal Alcohol Syndrome continues to be a total fucking dickwad when Alana asserts the language barrier point, and Fetal Alcohol Syndrome said that he "flunked ebonics 101 in college." yeah, he also flunked "Consideration 101," "the history of being modest (1900-the present) and "Making sure one's mother doesn't drink too much before your own birthing."
Meanwhile, Turkey Jerky Janice is up to her usual spying and gagging at the sight of anyone over 110 pounds.
What to do first? Stab myself with this metal spoon or barf with the metal spoon? Decisions...
It's sort of funny, though, because the show is edited so the plus sizers always look like they're hovering around the fridge and looking for extra shelving for their dry goods. J Dogg voices distain not only for the plussies, but also for the lackluster performances of the other models in the realms of: loosing weight, walking and not being dickwads. Janice says she's going to either kill herself or ask them all to go- I'm hoping for the former. Promises, promises....
The next morning, good ol' Marty has a heart to heart with the plussies. He just says that they're not the only ones who feel different, push through, I have discrimination, blah blah blah blah yawn. I mean, it's sweet, but it's no half-assed drunken insulting or two o clock Russian cake bingeing. Now all the plussies wanna do him, which is fun, though.
Martin will always think I'm beautiful...sigh....
Graarmph
You'd be even better wrapped in bacon! Really!
J.P. and Amber (brunette plussie) bond over their age and J.P. gives brunette plussie some wise words: he believes Janice will give them a chance, because she believes in giving people a chance. Yeah, I guess. Janice never misses out on a chance to torture people, both fat and fit alike. Brunette Plussie welcomes a challenge (and a twinkie) with open arms and is hungry for J Dogg's acceptance.
Nathan, Janice's spawn, ushers in representatives from Plus Size Magazine, a magazine for the Plus Size Model in All of Us. Well, not really. it's for fatties who want their faces on billboards and t shirts and shit (provided the shit is big enough to fit a plussie).
Thanks for coming. Um, please don't break the couch.
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Comments (1)
Great recap, Mo. As usual I thank you for watching this piece of shit with me and then bringing forth your spot-on reflections.
I have just one comment, obviously about Alana. I could not stand this bitch from the minute she walked thru the JDMA door. I was gagging listening to her describe all the HARDSHIPS she's suffered in her quest to bring 'FAT BEAUTY' to the world. I almost started feeling sorry for her (yeah, right! Gag!) - until the shoot at which she declared that this was her FIRST MODELING JOB EVER!!!!! What the heck was all this suffering she was crying about before, if she was never a model until now? Also, when she first came to the audition, she seemed not so certain of herself and lacking self esteem, but the minute she moved into the house her whole feeling of entitlement just blew out of any proportion. I hated her lording it over the slim models that 'she could eat whatever she wanted'. That was an asshole thing to do. I'm incredibly surprised that J-dog managed to wait this long before kicking her out of the house. I seriously thought she would be out after the first night. Oh well, J-bitch has more patience for entitlement and self delusion that I ever will.
1 of 1 | Posted by renata | Posted on October 22, 2008 7:15 PM