Janice and LIzzie McMunchkin go back to the house, and bitch about it not being clean. Janice is disappointed with Xian for not wearing heels and being wide, Traci with wanting to be an actress and being wideloadish. Lizzie puffs a corncob pipe and talks about three wishes while Janice talks about how much better the model pickins' are in New York city. She wants to help the L.A. crew- but can she? Well, let me ask you this: can a zombie help pork cutlets write a sonnet?
Exactly.
Later, Parke & Ronen, a pervy male swimsuit line straight out of...Israel, I think (or hell) comes to visit the mansion for casting. Ronen tells the boys to get naked, and then touches their penises in the guise of "suit fitting."
Penis Penis Penis
Parke seems a little less like a molester of models, but man- does this seem like an unprofessional casting...
Del Taco never made me do this....
J.P. calls out that the stripping and ball touching was "somewhat unprofessional," (thanks, Papa bear) and it's even grosser because Ronan keeps eyeing everyone like their....well, a cock.
Gross gross gross.
Janice throws Christian in the pool so that Ronan can be even creepier with the models and their packages. Pervy picks MIchael (? didn't make enough news to make t.v., apparently), Christian, Maurice and Payton, who is called by first a number (4) and then his penis (big, packin'). They buzz all the guys hair so they look more...militant? And even still, Ronan never misses a chance to non-ambiguously hit on the models.
Back in the house, Danny crushes on Piglet Xian. Xian talks about how her flirting hurts Chandler, that "his ego is so big he doesn't wanna say, but she can tell." Wow, that's the kinda guy I wanna be with, one who doesn't communicate because he thinks he's too awesome to do so. Nice! But then Danny calls Xian a ho? Wow, totally. If you have a crush, woo them with kind words and labels. Nice, Danny.
And Payton, in true redneck form, goes "she goes through everyone in this whole house. Not me, though." NIce! Oh yeah, he had overalls on with no shirt under, and he was smoking a corncob pipe, too. Love ya! Then Danny tries to confront Fetal Alcohol, asking if he had a "problem with me." Geez, what, are we all four year olds who think we're the bomb? (and yeah, I just said the bomb). But it's weird, though, because it seems as though Danny is talking to Chandler from across the room. It it just a cheap parlor trick? Smoke and mirrors?
" Cross-room confrontation is the most effective." -Colonel Sanders
Meanwhile, Payton is making moonshine and telling Xian that it's her fault. Oh, and he's eating a biscuit and wearing rubber boots. Totally. Yee-haw. And then everybody goes to bed, sexually frustrated and thinking about piglet. God, I want to be in on this Agency!
The next day at the Justin Monroe photo shoot, J Dogg gets pictures taken of her at the most appropriate place- a circus side show! It's for his book, "Down the Rabbit Hole," and Janice is going to be- surprise surprise- a wicked witch character. Dominique, Gavin the hottie and Kehoe(???) are extras on the shoot, but Janice asks Kehoe to leave and replaces him with our man Danny Nunez-XIan-lover. Kehoe, of course, gets his camera moment to profess his innocence and the fact that he's changed.
I'm a newer, douchier man. With a sweat rag.
Justin Monroe wanted Janice because she embodies both "good and evil" hmmm...good? I think you're mistaken, Mr. Monroe- goodness has to do with acts of love and kindness, selfless acts like giving to the homeless and feedling the hungry, or at least having a sense of deep introspection. Janice hasn't had that since...welll....
200 BCE
Anyhow, besides Janice, the motley crew included Dominique (the firecrotch) as the Beautician...
aka Skeletor
Hottie Gavyn as the gay tin man...
I give him so much pleasure...
And Danny will be playing Satan, aka...um, another beautician.
Wait- Can I check my cell to see if Xian sent me a text? No? That's cool.
Janice gets all pumped about the surrealistic element of high fashion, which we can see by her lips, which are surrealistically being affected by an outbreak of diamond herpes.
It's...a condition. Look Away! Blllahgh!
The shoot runs long into the night, and Janice gets her crotch all in a bunch over her harness shots.
Can that midget get my front-butt wedgie?
Geez- everyone is in awe of Janice Dickinson's modeling skills. Yawn. Wait-
Mmm...Gavyn in Chaps.
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Comments (1)
Great recap, Mo. As usual I thank you for watching this piece of shit with me and then bringing forth your spot-on reflections.
I have just one comment, obviously about Alana. I could not stand this bitch from the minute she walked thru the JDMA door. I was gagging listening to her describe all the HARDSHIPS she's suffered in her quest to bring 'FAT BEAUTY' to the world. I almost started feeling sorry for her (yeah, right! Gag!) - until the shoot at which she declared that this was her FIRST MODELING JOB EVER!!!!! What the heck was all this suffering she was crying about before, if she was never a model until now? Also, when she first came to the audition, she seemed not so certain of herself and lacking self esteem, but the minute she moved into the house her whole feeling of entitlement just blew out of any proportion. I hated her lording it over the slim models that 'she could eat whatever she wanted'. That was an asshole thing to do. I'm incredibly surprised that J-dog managed to wait this long before kicking her out of the house. I seriously thought she would be out after the first night. Oh well, J-bitch has more patience for entitlement and self delusion that I ever will.
1 of 1 | Posted by renata | Posted on October 22, 2008 7:15 PM