Janice, overall, is completely disenchanted with her models (Insert AWESOME clip of Ebony...Ivory...I mean, Elana, shouting that "somebody ate my damn meatloaf!") and feels they don't really take their careers (ahem, yes) seriously. Cut to J.P., who relays his story of his time in the JDMA, most notably coming out of the closet so that he could do the cover of Instinct Magazine. Hah...I wish he'd just done the cover, and mailed a bunch of copies to his (probably) religious family members. "Hey Mom and Dad- I'm gay! Here are my well oiled abs! Don't you think I look awesome in this neon speedo?"

If you're gay, I'm Satan! Blaarrggh!

Janice and J.P. and the camera crew shared a special moment, the day of J.P. coming out. J.P. also talks about moving into the house, and feeling the age gap, seeing as he's well, almost Janice Dickinson's age. Well, not quite 5,000 years old. but close: 32. Wowzers! J.P. decides that, all in all, he needs a change, so he goes to talk to J Dogg about his future. Janice, in the only shot I've ever seen her eat, is slicing up pieces of European cucumber with her beef-jerky hands and is (not suprisingly) wearing another set of morbidly-celebrated lip dioramas around her chicken neck.

Hey! This isn't heroin...

J.P. says he's ready for a house and a dog and probably a fit gay roommate who will discreetly make love with him but won't make a fuss and keep up appearances. Well, J.P....how about you take over the JDMA men's division and uproot yourself to follow a thousand year old she-jerky to New York City? Oops. Spoiler alert.

Anyhow, J.P. wants to be an agent (with such a stellar, borderline psychotic mentor to follow, who wouldn't?) and Janice invites him to the family, welcomes him to the "fold" as an agent, and says goodbye. That easy? Wait, I want to be an agent. And, a flamenco dancer. And, an astronaut!

OH- and now Janice plans on revealing her big brother surveillance unit. Awesome! But before she does, she wants to make some announcements. Namely, a strange parallel to Polina eating more carrot cake than the easter bunny (???) and about hook ups and broken dreams n' shit.

Polina confused. Cake? Bunny? Polina make bunny face, hope make Janice happy.

Oh yeah, she also calls Xian a slut and talks about the Hokey Pokey with Chandler. The "hokey pokey?" Janice, you are. so. old. And, I thought she was okay with people hooking up, that she couldn't control them. And, who left the toilet seat up? God, these models are such FUCK UPS!

Even Polina and Maurice get accused of hokey pokey-ing. Though they look guilty, you'd think the camera crew would pick right up on that one.

Look, I'm raising my eyebrow in defiance!

Janice tells Maurice that she knows better, and automatically thoughts go to espionage. Yes, Maurice. Janice has model-bot spies in the house planted just so she can witness your failed attempts to have lame dates with Polina! Or, maybe Martin isn't really deaf and was hired to spy on your goings-on. Oh Maurice, you're too smart for your own good.

So Janice shuffles the models up to that ugly mannequin that houses a button that activates the sliding door to the surveillence room. Then she chides the models just a bit more for not making their beds. Then, she thanks everyone and gets the roses ready for the elimination ceremony.

Oh, yeah, another finale secret: Janice has a penis.

Oh wait, before elimination- another thing: Tom Michael Krim's having a fashion show! And not just any fashion show, a GREEN one. How PC of JDMA, BTW. Janice wants to keep the planet green and have her kids enjoyed it the way she did...? Wha, in chemical-ly makeup rooms and snorting coke off of Sylvester Stallone? Yipes.

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Posted in Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency by Monamonzano at 8:35 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)
Last Comment: Monamonzano on Oct 31, 2008 02:30 PM.