Testimonials

Haute Trash, one of the GREEN fashion show designers, brings some clothes for a good ol' fashioned fittin.' Also, I find it increasingly morbid how many articles of jewelry and clothing of JD's feature lips. Gross. Anyhow, some appropriately frumpy co-op people under the name "Haute Trash" come over to the house to show them some, ahem, uh, really...pretty clothes.

Um..you two seem fat. can I offer you any froot loops?

They show the models their wares, all made from recycled items...

This is, um, armor made from soda can tops. It still smells like Dr. Pepper!

How about some lighters taped together? I think it's a belt, or like, a suspender or something. Chic!

Bag-dress.

And: The ugliest suit coat in the world!

I'm not a fashionista by any means, but I'm pretty sure they can...ahem...further refine the materials used in the making of the garments for um, a more pleasing aesthetic.

At the rehearsal, Janice's pet leprachaun Lizzie Grubman pays the show a visit and rewards the models with wishes, golden eggs and four leaf clovers.

Go Notre Dame?

Janice criticizes everyone (especially Traci's mall-walk) and in a bout of articulation she reflects that something's wrong with Janice, and it's putting all the models on edge.

CC Slutty isn't in the green fashion show (maybe they have something against implants?) and sits beside Janice right in front of the runway.

Does the ugly clothing ever end?

Janice starts bitching about EVERYONE in the agency- including Traci, who is perhaps wearing THE most unflattering outfit on the planet.

Nothing some trash bags and duct tape can't hide?

Of course, this can't fly in the Casa Crazypants, so that night, Serin goes and shakes Traci's bed and tells her to go into Janice's crypt..ahem, I mean room. Janice fires Traci, and the worst part is that Traci looks like she's an escaped special needs kid or someone's drunk Aunt, with a weird stupid eye covering and a groggy, blank stare.

I was promised juice boxes.

Paul, in good boy fashion, asks Traci if she's okay and promptly tells all the other models that Traci's old news. Traci tries to talk to J Dog again, but fails. POOR TRACE FACE! Just put back on your sleep cap and think about your favorite things: cotton candy and the hair extension kiosque in the mall.

Next, Janice calls Ivory and Ilana into her crypt, tells them they're unbelievable women, and fires their plussie butts. Ilana gets in a "skinny models off the runway" line and J Dog recoils in disgust. But what about the other brunette plussie? I think Janice just forgot her or something- all these fat people around, who can really remember names, right?

Chantal? Muriella? Garfield?

Still, Brunette plussie goes with them and everyone's upset. Ilana can't cool it, though, and begins weeping big, plussie tears. Man, just find another agent- one that isn't made of botox beef jerky and doesn't treat you like a rotting hunk of cheese. Hungry yet?

The remaining models sit worriedly in their bunks...Serin calls for lights out, but nobody knows what's on the horizon and nobody feels secure in their positions.

The next morning, Janice coddles her hair dressers and bitches about her vision. She calls LA the "Starbucks of the Modeling world." Really, that seems like something you might want to aspire to, Janice, so you wouldn't need to whore yourself to TV stations for cash. But hey, high fashion boutique agency? Fine. You've got an award winning personality, really thin high fashion models, and...um...well, that's it. Good luck in New York, J Dog. Bring a sweater.

Janice's little hairdressers push her to be in NYC, and even agree to pick up their lives and move to New York, for the love of Janice Dickinson. Really? Geez, the economy really is bad, isn't it?

Janice gathers the model-bots for a little chit-chat later in the day, and tells them about her plans to high-tail it to NYC. Wow!

Does that mean we're free?

Janice tells them that Crystal is coming with her, along with her two hairdressers and J.P. as head of the men's division. She tells them she loves them all but for the cameras she says they get what they deserve. What? Freedom? Janice tells Hazuki that she's coming next, but I'm not even sure she knows what's going on- I think that there are butterflies and cups of ice cream going through her head. She just seems perpetually startled, at modeling, at Janice...at pretty much everything.

Oh god oh god oh god oh god

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Posted in Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency by Monamonzano at 8:35 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)
Last Comment: Monamonzano on Oct 31, 2008 02:30 PM.