Testimonials

As J.P.'s first official task as agent (and most likely not the last), he has to go talk to the models after Janice leaves and clean up the mess she's made. And, he does a smashing job making everything way more vague. Yay!

Things are apeshit. Does that clear things up? Cool.

I call dibs on whatever's left in the fridge.

And when Janice says she's fucking going to New York soon, she means it. And I mean, after the next commercial break, with a puppy.

Please don't touch the dog.

I wonder where Janice's kid is. No, the one without the bad facial hair, who is eleven. Hopefully, in the custody of a better mother or father...although a burlap sack would be a better mother than Janice.

Bye, Crazyville.

And off she goes, but not before ONE REUNION SPECIAL!

And when I say reunion, I mean Janice in the model house being able to talk WAY to much about stuff we already have heard about in the finale. Oh well.

First on the docket, piglet and fetal alcohol, aka Xian and Chandler. No, they're not still canoodling. Xian dumped him for an Arby's cheesesteak sandwich (I kid you not!).

How can I compete with Mcnuggets?

Then Janice goes into how she'd love to see their babies, which would probably come out like Chunk from the Goonies. Next? Sorin and Crystal, Nothing, of course. big news.

Lips Lips Lips...they never go away (augh)

I do like how Janice makes light of fetal alcohol being a gossipy asshole, and how Paul Villancourt is outed as a lame Traci-crusher.

This is like, just like this one time at the Mall....

Then they synopsize Traci's career at JDMA, and as a consolation, Janice says, "I see acting." Yeah, I guess, if acting has a sale at a mall kiosk, with a free scrunchie givaway.

Sorin's career with JDMA comes next on the shit hit list, where he's a degraded model and then he's a degraded bodyguard. Then Janice makes him turn around and shake his little buttcheeks. Geez, I hope he gets paid like 5,000 dollars a month. At least.

This is nothing. I used to give handjobs in Romania....

Crystal "Janice's fave" Trueheart gets a little bio next, about her turning from this....

Trueheart circa 2004

to this....

Yipes.

What an accomplishment. Anyhow, the praises are sung for about 4 minutes, to the lackluster applause of the other models. J.P., too gets praised for being...I dunno....gay... (see beginning of finale synopsis) and also a model turned manager (see almost beginning of finale). Then she talks about going to New York (see almost end of finale).

So, now that everything's summed up, what next? Well, hmm...how's about we talk about the makeup people and how much work they do with their chisels and syringes to make Janice look not 300 years old? Okay, check. Models getting nekkid? Check.

JDMA cast-offs do it best.

Member me? I used to cut myself.

I love old people!

Okay, now we really have nowhere to go on the reunion. Oh yeah, Date-Rape Kehoe. Ummm...let's make him seem sorta gay and take a lie detector test about it.

Gay Clubber Kehoe

Closeted frat boy Kehoe

Angry gay beachcomber Kehoe

Qasimoto group date night Kehoe

And finally, asshole flat iron Kehoe.

Really? I wonder if you can still be gay after date raping girls. Oh well, who knows? Anything happens at the JDMA, right? And, on TV. So Janice brings in Jerry Placencia, "Investigator of lie detector tests." Wow, is this for real? Can I get a degree in that? Because I already have like 40 Ph.D's and I'm awesome....

Do it slow, Jerry. We have a lot of reunion special to waste.

Kehoe is asked if he's gay, and the answer is no. Shouldn't Jerry say "likes men" or "homosexual," this lie detector test seems fishy....

Just like everything else at JDMA! Thanks, folks, for watching with me!

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Posted in Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency by Monamonzano at 8:35 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)
Last Comment: Monamonzano on Oct 31, 2008 02:30 PM.