We have so much to talk about this week! Models, tardiness, cross-dressing- the blows never stop in Janice's house of wackness (not to be confused with the movie, which I hear is about, I dunno, graffiti n' shit).
Oh yeah, it's not just about Graffiti. Also, about making out with Ben Kingsley.
Janice Dickenson Modeling Agency begins with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (Chandler, for you folks who chose not to make fun of/objectify the genetic freaks we call models) all proud n' shit that he can be in the house and be all inundated with modeling and Janice. What a brownnoser- Janice only likes him because he's almost as freakish looking as she is. She explains to a gaggle of models that they should leave a lot of time in the morning for getting to their destination. This is really good, model-specific advice. Thanks, Janice! She explains that all of the models are "rough around the edges" and that's why they're living in the house. Really, Janice? They aren't super professional? Maybe it's because they're low IQ and have to live with a screaming, bloated-lipped banshee of a woman that scares them every five minutes with her pointless, loud ranting.
Please don't scare the models.
So, Modeling 101 begins, announced by aformentioned banshee. We get a fun-filled montage of Hazuki trying to hump a pole, and then being instructed by Janice on how to do so. Wow, she's so multi-talented, you know. It's almost mind-boggling. Janice Dickenson, what else can you do? Can you rivet? How about make awesome pancake batter? No?
Janice rants on about Hazuki's crusty makeup and pushup bra (hey, I'm not complaining) but goes on to say that Hazuki has that "it" factor, that she was "hungry" for success. Jesus, Janice. They're all hungry. All models are hungry. Not just in your agency, but throughout history. It's just a fact. C'mon.
Janice's lips could feed a family of five.
Janice has to "strip Hazuki to the core and start over to rebuild." Hazuki's core? Come on, really? If Hazuki were my model, I'd throw her in a Catholic schoolgirl outfit , pigtails and big shoes and make her giggle. That's the moneymaker! Yeah, I should be a model manager; I'm very ethnically forward.
Next on the chopping block was fatty pigletface, or Xian or whatever. Janice wanted her to cut the salt- but then what will Xian put on her burritos and chicken wings, hmm? This modeling thing is difficult. She's cute, though, for a piglet. Fetal Alcohol is the apple of Janice's eye, and alien Russian porno star has questionable hair extensions. According to Janice, "everyone needs work in the boo-tay." I agree. I don't want to see any model-asses until I can eat off of them. Get to work, you poor things! Xian, especially, needed to work out and shit, so Janice suggests she run with fetal alcohol. Xian proceeds to awkwardly affirm her attraction to fetal alcohol (what? Come on. You live in a house with beautiful models. Why pick a damaged one?). Xian noticed Chandler at the open casting agency, because "she likes tattoos." yeah, me too. But I don't believe it. Did Chandler just remind Xian of a chicken wing? One who was damaged in the womb by an alcoholic mother? And the best part is that fetal alcohol digs Xian, too, for her "energy" and "flow." yeah, I get it . I'd have a lot of energy, too, if I finished off a bag of pork rinds and a six pack of red bull before the cameras got to the model house. To each his own, Chandler.
Before bed in the model house, Janice reminds the girls to not go to bed with a wet bathing suit, or they could get yeast infections. Awesome. They're all excited to live in the house, and that's...good? Yeah, I guess I'd be dying to live in a house where a crazy sociopathic lip-blubbered amazon monitored my vagina. How do I sign up?
Before bed, Xian tries desperately to find adequate footwear for running in the morning. Dude, I believe she's never run before. She pulls out leather military boots and looks at Chandler, questioningly. He looks back at her, blankly. This show is like the blind leading the blind, if the first blind person has fetal alcohol syndrome and the second blind person is fat.
Goodnight models! And goodnight, Janice, who looks even more horrifying without the seven pounds of makeup she usually wears (for bed, she restricts herself to one or two pounds). Before she seals herself into her coffin, Janice "surveills" the models in the house.
Janice, Survaylerringllering.
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Comments (1)
Monamo . . . I can't find the first epi recap here, I'm almost certain I saw it, but I've been terribly behind. I gotta say, I love you gasm cappers . . . . so vicious . . . love your nicknames too, but I can't remember who everyone is, tho date rape is hard to forget, could he be a bigger douche . . . . me no think so, Fetal, well, guess he keeps getting booked, but he ain't all that. I kinda like the russian asian-ish alien girl, and I'll be interested to see if Xion is changeable, too funny with the donut trail!!!!
1 of 1 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on September 8, 2008 11:13 AM