Yes, Janice. Make sure the models don't "get out of line." You're great, because get out of line in Janice Dickenson crazy-ville means, I dunno, eating too much cottage cheese. Or not humping poles.
The next morning, Xian, Hazuki and Fetal Alcohol wake up for a run. Fetal's all enthused, but Xian's pissed they can't stop at Cinnabon anywhere along the route. And still, Fetal finds her attractive? That's love. Hazuki just giggles, tiredly, and thinks about rainbows and sushi.
8:30 AM is the Nicolita photo shoot, where the girl-models will be photographed with Chandler to see who will become the face of Nicolita. Nicolita, the character, is described as "jet-setting around the world and falling in love along the way." These models are perfect, if Jet setting means bumming around a house and "falling in love along the way" means combing their extensions. But what? CC is late? She's probably jet setting. And...falling in love along the way? Okay, okay, she stopped at Carls Jr. No? She's stuck in traffic? Sure.
Traci, the one model with half a brain, tries to explain CC's tardiness to Nicolitz Sainz, the CEO of Nicolita who seems to be bored, always. Or at least, her mono-tonal drone puts me to sleep every time I try to listen for a half a second. Still the shoot presses on. Chandler is apprehensive about working with the "old models." Wow, not only is he dumb-looking, but he's also a drama queen. Two hours later CC arrives, and she looks like she just came off of a C grade porno shoot in her lame velour jumpsuit and fuck me hair extensions. Dude, her nipples are also erect! Sorry, changing the Carl's Junior theory. Now I'm positive she was sucking cock in the valley before her swim wear shoot. Oh, these hollywood types!
Really, really good to be here.
Unbelievably, CC nabs the role of Nicolita, even after being late and moonlighting as a low-end porn star. That's cool, if that's what the company is looking for. Personally, I liked the Russian. She looked freakin' Asian! Asian! Hazuki, watch out! Of course, CC is thrilled, stating that she'd "never won anything before." Are you sure, CC? Scratch offs and Cake Walks aside, I'm sure you've solicited and won many sophisticated men off very major highways. That's right, jet setting around the world and falling in love along the way!
Back in the model house, a party's a-brewin.' Janice doesn't miss an opportunity to backhand CC for being late in front of everyone, because, apparently, she had her period. DUH! I should've known! I'm totally late to shit when I'm menstruating... and Traci's manager shows up at the shoot, we hear, and Traci is given an ultimatum by Janice: model or act. Traci chooses modeling and to keep pluggin' away in Janice's world. Wow, Traci, for being the smart one you sure seem to be making some dumb moves: dating Janice Dickenson's son? Really? Dude, you know that Janice's son is like, half of Janice's genetic makeup? If you procreate, your children will probably be rabid, hound dog-lookalikes with the perchance for being a bitch. But we all want different things out of life, I suppose. LIke me, I'm hoping to marry a Keebler elf and have E.L.Fudge babies! Keep your fingers crossed!
Janice has one-on-ones with Paulina (also known as Russian, Alien-panther, and Asian-ish) and CC, the former she thinks will be a star (HA!) and the latter she hope's won't be a porn star. Janice also asks CC about menstruation, a woman's gift. "Do you not know that every 28 days you have a blood bath?" Wow, way to glorify the cycle of life, Janice. But you're just jealous, I bet your crotch is more like a dried-up mine shaft. Gross. God, I just totally grossed myself out. And after all that, poor dumb CC was still hoping that Janice was going to invite her to move into the house! Awww, they're like puppies. Puppies with six-pack abs that I want to run my tounge along. Wha?
Oh, and Janice has another "Shocking" announcement. Janice, you can't play mind games with these models. They get confused, and then they eat too much cottage cheese. In any case, Janice announces that Crystal Trueheart will be moving into the house to be a mentor to the models. By mentor, I can only think she means teaching the girls how to wear frosted eyeliner and bleaching their hair. Maurice also gets to move in, because he wants to have sexual intercourse with Paulina. Yeah, stalking makes for great T.V.
Maurice, are you ready to rub your "Manly-Manly-Manly" all over the place?
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Comments (1)
Monamo . . . I can't find the first epi recap here, I'm almost certain I saw it, but I've been terribly behind. I gotta say, I love you gasm cappers . . . . so vicious . . . love your nicknames too, but I can't remember who everyone is, tho date rape is hard to forget, could he be a bigger douche . . . . me no think so, Fetal, well, guess he keeps getting booked, but he ain't all that. I kinda like the russian asian-ish alien girl, and I'll be interested to see if Xion is changeable, too funny with the donut trail!!!!
1 of 1 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on September 8, 2008 11:13 AM