Officer Dave Coulier and Officer Jimmy chat about how Gray's probably going to kill Jonah. He wants to "make an example" out of him, and Officer Dave thinks he has the right idea, which means he'll probably be voting for Gray. You hear that, Republicans? All you needed was to string up a few alleged criminals from rural Kansas and you would have gotten all the votes you needed. It couldn't have been more obvious!
Bonnie, back from her three-episode hiatus, brings some eggs into the kitchen and is shocked to find the house in total disarray. And by disarray I mean littered with clothing. Putting two and two and ew together, she barges into Stanley's bedroom to find...Stanley and Mimi getting it on! There's an image I want seared into my brain forever. Bonnie storms out of the house and Stanley follows her, having gotten dressed in approximately two milliseconds. What follows is the most intense sign-language fight I've ever seen. I'm surprised no one lost an eye. I reproduce it here so that it may live on in our hearts forever. Print it out and decorate your house with its goodness.
Hawkins and son are throwing the ball around, and Daddy is SO EXASPERATED. Hawkins HATES fatherhood! Why is the whole family pissed that he used to be gone all the time? They're clearly more miserable now that he's back. Mommy shows up and teaches Sam how to throw the ball. I think Mommy is a man. Not because I think that only men are good at sports or anything, but because she really looks like a dude. I predict a Crying Game moment in the near future.
Jake shows up and kidnaps Hawkins for JonahHunt '06. Jake's heading towards the compound, but Hawkins seems to think that Jonah is more likely to turn to family. You can actually see the gears whirling around in Jake's head, and after it all connects he says "Hold on!" and makes the slowest and least exciting U-turn in television history. Heck, I've even seen THREE-point turns more riveting than this.
Mama has now locked Dale in her dungeon of secrets. Dale is whining and bitching, but Mama is ready to set him straight. Sadly not with a blunt object of some kind. She tells him that after his parents died, Gracie changed her will and left the store to Dale. This just reaffirms my suspicion that Gracie was, in fact, an escaped mental patient. Dale feels bad because he fought with her before she died, and had actually quit his job at the store. Mama explains these things happen in "families", and that Gracie loved him. But not as much as she loved seafood blowout bargains, am I right people?
Team Jake&Hawkins (Jawkins? Jakeins?) and Team Gray arrive at Emily's house. At the same time. Oh, shit's going down. Jake tries to stop Gray by explaining that we can't just have a bunch of armed vigilantes running around town. Oh but we're safer with the Greens? Does Jake ever listen to himself talk? Emily saunters outside and Gray demands that he be able to look around. Emily says no, but Gray doesn't care. Then, and this is hilarious, Officer Dave Coulier says Jonah's not in the backyard. So everyone leaves. Because, besides a backyard, where else can one hide at a house? THE FRONT YARD?! Don't be ridiculous. Hawkins agrees to patrol with Gray and they all drive off. Jake, watching them go, asks "Where is he?", and with the way he says it and the face he makes it just seems like he should be putting his hands on his hips and wagging a finger. He barges into the house to find Jonah pointing a gun at him. Fantastic.
(By the way, I think the St. Jude Children's Hospital ads with Jennifer Aniston are hilarious. It's like she's saying "Look! I care about the less fortunate too! I'm hugging a cancer-ridden child without recoiling in horror! Take THAT, Brangelina!" And the way she says "IT WAS A BRAIN TUMOR" causes me to collapse into giggles each and every time. But seriously, give generously to the kids. Okay, that is all.)
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Comments (6)
I noticed that Asian Hurley Dude too ... he was standing right in the middle of the stage during the swearing-in; I was like, "Who the hell is that?"
1 of 6 | Posted by dumbanddumber
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Posted on December 2, 2006 4:44 PM
Bravo! Another classic recap. In light of the invasion of the zombies, I'm almost sorry I switched over to the Heroes marathon. Almost.
Good thing they held that Thanksgiving food drive, or they wouldn't be able to feed all the refugees. See - Mama was thinking ahead! To think you were mocking her efforts last week, Screampillar!
2 of 6 | Posted by iamcoyote
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Posted on December 2, 2006 7:18 PM
Nice recap.
They must have dropped some election scenes in favor of the ass-slapping scenes. Good choice.
I hope they get more focused on the results of the attack rather than developing some of the more boring local situations.
3 of 6 | Posted by soflat
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Posted on December 4, 2006 7:58 AM
AGAIN, this was so much better than the show.
I was upset at the election too and confused about the deaf girl and the high school boy - how old is she? Is she in high school? Because having to take care of herself when she was, like, 4, seems a bit rough??
4 of 6 | Posted by CrazyTrain
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Posted on December 4, 2006 11:49 AM
Is that Burt Reynolds in the screencap of Jericho's mutated citizenry??
5 of 6 | Posted by mandymax
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Posted on December 4, 2006 12:47 PM
Great recap. Many laugh out loud moments.
Mandymax, I thought he looked like Burt Reynolds, too.
This show is so campy, I watch for the stupid plots, funny facial expressions, and great recaps to follow.
Thanks.
6 of 6 | Posted by may1
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Posted on December 4, 2006 2:44 PM