Heather goes up to a random army guy and demands to speak to whoever's in charge. I laugh at her because, who does she think she is? But then I laugh even harder when the dude is all, "Yes, ma'am! Whatever you say, random stranger!" She meets with the commanding officer and tells him about the war with New Bern. He says there's nothing he can do, he's just a government employee. Yeah, that's the same line my mailman fed me when I asked him if I could speak to the President. They're full of lies, those "government employees". Heather asks which government he's talking about, and he informs her and us that the federal government has been restored and now resides in Cheyenne, Wyoming. How Brokeback.
Papa is dying. He shoos everyone out of the house except for his two sons. "You've both been constant disappointments to your mother and I," he fails to say. Instead, he tells them that he's sorry that they have to see this. He says he wishes that Mama were here, and wants the boys to tell her that he loves her. Aw. Okay, I get a little sad at that one. After that, it's kind of hard to make out what he's saying - he must have gotten that disease that dying people develop wherein they mumble everything they're saying so that we, the audience, can't understand a damn thing. I think he goes on tell Jake that he was hard on him and he pushed him away, but he's glad that he came home. He tells both boys that he loves them, then he dies. PAPA NOOOO! Your Costco membership had three whole months left!!
He died as he lived. Bored by his spawn.
Jake and Eric hug, then exit the house. So Jake is in charge now. God help us all.
"Slinkys and Fruit Roll-Ups for all!"
Back in time at the wedding, Jake is stumbling around like a drunken maniac. It's time for his big best man speech. He starts off by making fun of the other speeches that people suggested that he give, then calls them out as being lame. He goes on to say that everyone used to think Eric was gay (this is comedy gold!) but even though he teases him a lot he's still proud of him. He praises Eric as being kind, gay, giving, gay, and very lucky. And gay.
Back in the present, Jake gives the news to Team Jericho quite simply: "My father's dead. We'll get through." Grey and Stanley run back into the house, presumably to go through Papa's wallet.
"Eric and I are going into modeling. Don't try to stop us! This beauty must be shared with the world!"
They all decide to get Grey back into town, because he's far to important now to be out in the field. Haha, whereas before we had a backup mayor in the form of Papa. Now our backup is Jake. It's a world too horrible to imagine. Mama finally arrives and they all leave the house so she can cry over the body. And also steal a credit card.
Jake is sitting outside on the porch, when Emily walks over and gives him a hug. He lets loose with a big old cry, and it's one of those laughy kinds of cries wherein my father, if he were watching, would remark "What's so funny?" Hawkins crackles back on the radio to inform them that a couple hundred men from New Bern are mobilizing and will be there in about twenty minutes. Also, strangely enough, there is a train plugging along the tracks along the river. Hawkins tries to give more details, but the tracking program finishes, which means his location is going to be given away. Darcy yells at him to disconnect, but he stays on just long enough to tell Jake that the train is coming, and is filled up with hundreds of reinforcements. Darcy snaps the computer shut, and Hawkins tells Jake he's on his way. Well. I think it's safe to say that Jericho is totally fucked.
Back at Camp Liberty, the commander is in some sort of a video conference, and is reporting to Someone about the skirmish between Jericho and New Bern. That Someone turns out to be Valenti of Homeland Security. He tells the commander that there is a suspected terrorist in that area, and that they are to crush the skirmish and then begin a search for the terrorist. Which shouldn't be too hard. Hawkins IS the only dark-skinned dude in Kansas.
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Comments (6)
No, thank you for the recaps. You're the only reason I continued watching the show! It coulda been good, but they decided to make the show stupid instead. There was nothing else to do but amuse ourselves with the mocking of it. I can't imagine they'd renew this dang thing, but then, survivor keeps coming back, so anything's possible. Thanks again for your great recaps!
1 of 6 | Posted by iamcoyote
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Posted on May 12, 2007 10:51 AM
As one of your 3 loyal readers, I thank you for your recaps. I have to say if it doesn't get renewed I'll be a little irked-I need closure dammit! How about just a 2-hour movie instead?
Something about Hawkins has been bugging me & I figured it out last week-what is up with his Captain Kirk-style of line delivery? Oddly placed pauses, over-done facial expressions, and overacting in general-all seriously annoying.
2 of 6 | Posted by tvaholic
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Posted on May 14, 2007 8:48 AM
I guess I must be Reader #3 -- great recap! I stopped watching the actual show and just read your recaps because you are too funny!!
3 of 6 | Posted by 15minutes
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Posted on May 14, 2007 1:13 PM
Reader #4 (and actual "Jericho" viewer)! From all I've heard, the show IS returning in the fall, although from the sounds of the gunfire at the end - and the way they keep killing characters off - it's hard to believe there'd be anyone left to populate the place.
4 of 6 | Posted by mandymax
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Posted on May 15, 2007 6:27 AM
I must be viewer #5 and I certainly hope the show does return in the fall and I think I too will watch next season drunk. Hawkins talks like Kirk because he's English and I think the slow speech is him trying to control his accent. Can't wait for the new season of NEW BERN
5 of 6 | Posted by BugMom22
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Posted on May 15, 2007 4:46 PM
Yeah #6 here!
I'm sad this was canceled, the cliffhanger did get me!
I'll miss your recaps - hope you do a different show this fall!
6 of 6 | Posted by CrazyTrain
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Posted on May 19, 2007 1:46 PM