Crash: The All-White Version

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Last night I went out to dinner with a couple friends, and it was at one of those restaurants that comes with crayons and a giant sheet of paper on the table, so we of course decided to play hangman. At first we chose movie titles and the like, but eventually it just degraded into our favorite catchphrases, such as: "I'm Chris Hansen from Dateline NBC", and "I've had it with these motherfuckin' snakes on this motherfuckin' plane"; as well as American Idol judges' comments, like "This is a singing competition", "You have a beautiful spirit", and the ever-popular Randy Jacksonism: "Aw no dog." So I really hope some random busboy tried to figure it out after we left, only to conclude that damn, those people watch a lot of TV.

Like, for instance, Jericho! We begin this week with Papa Green and his dolt son Eric returning from a hunting trip with nada, saying that they couldn't find anything, not even carcasses lying around. Jake is incredulous (though does he really have any other emotion?), and he and Stanley decide to make another go of it, but farther away this time. They'll simply have to use up the gasoline, even though they're in short supply as it is. Oh, and Stanley wants to bring Mimi, so that she can learn how to hunt in case something happens to him. Aaand there we have the comic plotline of the episode. As they leave, Papa slaps Jake on the back and says, "Good hunting." Yeah, okay Gramps. Starbuck and Apollo send their best.

Sara and Hawkins are packing for their trip to see the Old Man. Which Old Man could it be? Santa Claus? Father Time? And the sea? Well, he only lives about two hours away, so I guess we'll be finding out pretty soon. Hawkins expresses reservations, but Sara is confident that they'll be able to handle it, because "it's us!" Careful, Sara. It's that sort of cockiness that can get a person killed, or at the very least scolded by Jeff Probst.

What is it with this show and terrible road trips? Jake, Stanley, and Mimi are piled into the Truck of Misery, with Mimi complaining all the way about Stanley's driving speed and the fact that she doesn't even want to learn how to hunt. Apparently, "the closest I ever got to the outdoors was the Ralph Lauren section at Neiman Marcus," she whines. "There ya go, bargain hunting!" exclaims Stanley happily. "Bargains? At Neimans?" she snots. YOU'RE SO COSMOPOLITAN.

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"Are we going to the MALL? I enjoy FASHION."

Their hilarious antics are brought to a halt when they encounter a pack of dogs sniffing around a giant field of wreckage or something. I immediately think Stanley's going to shoot them for food, but I guess I'm a monster because everyone just gets out of the truck and looks at the dogs in wonder. Jake finds a shopping bag with "South Dakota" written on it, and Mimi wanders away to find a dead body lying under a blanket. Jake mentions that he heard about this on the CNN Headline News: Black Jack Edition. There are massive waves of migrating people coming from the North, "hoping to outrun winter". Mimi ominously asks if they should be doing that, too. I say, with JetBlue's fantastic deals to Florida and the Bahamas, how can you afford NOT to?!

Using a series of sophisticated formulas and calculations (i.e. gross estimation), the gang figures that hundreds, maybe even over a thousand people have passed through there. Jake says they're probably heading to South Texas or Mexico, but Mimi whines that there might not even BE a Mexico anymore. Which would truly destroy her, because let's not forget her unparalleled love for mango margaritas. Stanley says they should go catch up with them, but Jake wisely shoots this down, since Jericho has only displayed minor shreds of competence up to this point without hundreds more adding to the fray. They leave the scene, with Stanley pouting all the way.

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"You're right, we shouldn't have stopped at that burrito shack."

Back in town, Emily finds Roger at the Shelter For Wayward Zombies. He tells her that he donated some clothes in the attic to these folks, which Emily takes remarkably well, since I had imagined her to be quite shallow and possessive of her ugly sweaters. He says that since he led all these people here, he has now declared himself Evil Zombie Overlord and has asked for the blood of a human sacrifice, along with unlimited pairs of tube socks. Well no, but he is sort of in charge, and asks Emily to help out by talking to people. In what universe would a conversation with Emily be considered therapeutic?

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Comments (7)

NateTheOkay [TypeKey Profile Page]:

Ugh... this show gets bogged down by its underlying desire to be like Lost. I know, the whole mystery/thriller thing is popular these days, but it feels so forced.

As a Political Science major, a show about the world after an earthshaking event like nuclear holocaust is incredibly interesting to me. How would society react? Would chaos and tribal order take over? Would there be a complete breakdown in the chain of command resulting in regional governments and six presidents? These are all great questions, but they don't really get addressed because most of the focus is on bloody Hawkins and his increasingly tedious story-line.

And I don't think that this show accurately depicts how life would be either. The biggest problem? Where is the church in all of this? We saw people gathering in the church during one of the first episodes and that was it. I guarantee you that for most of the population, that would be the first thing they do. And what about Gracie's store? After nuclear bombs wipe out 100 million people, I don't think property rights are respected. Those idiots in Jericho let her gouge them for months and she (despite being portrayed as a kind, old lady) was happily robbing the townsfolk blind without any moral red flags going up in her head.

Anyway, that's my rant. All that being said, I still watch it because I'm into the storyline for the long haul. I can't quit and then spend my time wondering what ever became of that show. Besides, it does provide some entertainment value along with the frustration it brings, so it beats doing nothing.

Hey, that should be the catchphrase for the Jericho TV previews! I can just hear that deep, raspy TV voice-over guy: "Don't miss Jericho, Wednesdays at 9, 8 central... hey, it beats doing nothing."

mistichristi [TypeKey Profile Page]:

I like this show and actually think that it has improved since it has come back from its break. I don't think it tries to be anything like Lost at all. It does seem suspenceful at times but so are a lot of shows. I hope it gets renewed next year or if not they will give the writers enough time to wrap the story up. It is hokey much of the time but what is wrong with that? Just fun to watch!

wincha [TypeKey Profile Page]:

I'm not sure why I still watch this show. Its most likely due to the fact I have DVR and watch mindless shows after work due to job stress. This show is getting worse. Where are they Kansas? Is it blizzard conditions now? A car pins his leg and nothing is wrong with Jake? There are 1000 people dead walking to Mexico because they walked a distance and counted the body in the grass? Does the show not have enough money to put "extras" out there to play dead? Dumb Dumb and Dumber is Jericho.

wincha [TypeKey Profile Page]:

I do love the recap it is very entertaining!

Skribb [TypeKey Profile Page]:

Screampillar, your Jericho recaps are hilarious. Stanley and Mimi are def the best part of the show... more Stimi!

pq [TypeKey Profile Page]:

i wonder how much precious gas they used to rescue Jake. wouldn't it make more sense to try and find food in abandoned houses/stores/warehouses--you know something that might not be contaminated. and wouldn't it make more sense to have people share the same living spaces--sharing heat and such? but what do i know?

Sarah looks so much like Katherine Heigl that its distracting.

iamcoyote [TypeKey Profile Page]:

The only reason I'm still watching is to get the most out of Screampillar's recaps! The best!

This episode was great fun, too, especially if you look at the picture of the overturned truck and notice that it would have been so easy for Mimi alone to free Jake if instead of trying to lift the engine, she'd just hung on to the rear end of the truck and pulled down. I guess the concept of LEVERS hasn't yet reached Kansas, huh?

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