Testimonials

Alone in the car, Emily hears church bells ringing and immediately lapses into another delusional fantasy. She steps out of a lavish SUV wearing a wedding dress, and mmm girl, Heather is just a vision in fuchsia. She asks Emily if she's ready, and starts to pull her across the street to…Gracie's? Not a fan of church weddings, I guess. Emily looks around and sees all of the main characters living their happy lives, with no nuclear holocausts to bother them. Ah, isn't life perfect. Finally a large truck beeps its horn into her subconscious and she snaps back to reality. Heather comes barreling out of the store, yelling at Emily to turn the car off because it's about to explode. Whatever, Heather. I see right through your half-assed attempts at life-savery. Heather says they're not going hiking because they're supposed to stay indoors today. You know, because of the hoodlums. Angry that her plan to lure Emily into the woods and kill her has gone awry, Heather decides to move directly to "phase two". Also known as: getting shitfaced

I'm this many!

Jake discovers that Gray and the gang are planning on blowing up the bridge anyway, despite the meager protests of Eric. Jake doesn't really know what to do with this, since it requires the feat of holding more than two thoughts in his head at one time. Jake runs off to warn the people who live on the OTHER SIDE.

Bailey's bar is suspiciously empty. Oh, I see why. Emily and Heather have entered. Bailey pulls out the last bottle of single-malt scotch in all of Kansas. And the three decide to kill it. This just seems kind of redundant to me. They already act like they're intoxicated 95% of the time. Emily suffers from hallucinations. Heather plays with fertilizer. Mary Bailey is attracted to Eric. These three do not need the aid of refreshments. The doctor from Rogue River, however, does. He's over in the corner drinking himself into a stupor. And good for him, I say. He was almost able to escape this monstrosity of a show, but now he's stuck in the mire like the rest of us. Bottoms up, dude.

Jake arrives to collect Stanley and his sister. Oh, and Mimi, whose shrill voice we haven't been treated to very much in the past couple weeks. Stanley orders Bonnie to go into town, but he isn't going anywhere. Know why? Because his grandfather built his house, and his whole family has grown up there. Aww. Three generations of nincompoopery.

Eric tells Jake to get his ugly mug off his property and go warn the others, because he's wasting time with him. Can't waste a single, precious moment of Jake's time. Maybe Stanley is just irked because his house has been relocated to the Rockies. That must be quite the bridge they're about to blow up if it spans across a good chunk of the country.

Kansas: The Mountain State

Stanley furiously signs at Bonnie that she should leave, but Bonnie just won't hear of it. (ha HA!) Mimi informs him that by staying he's RISKING BOTH OF THEIR LIVES. Does this bridge extend over the fiery chasms of hell? Surely there must be some back road, or perhaps a DIFFERENT bridge that might help these poor folks in their time of strife? Perhaps the founders of Jericho foresaw the stupidity of their descendants and decided to create an easy way to cut them off from the rest of society in case anything like this ever happened.

Heather and Emily are still getting plastered. Heather, stumbling off the bar stool, slurs out my favorite line of the night: "This is your captain speaking. We are experiencing minor turbulence. I am awesome." Ah, Heather. Your wit is surpassed only by your sanity. As she leaves, presumably to vomit, she forces the rogue Rogue River doctor to keep an eye on Emily. They celebrate their new friendship with an impromptu pity party.

This is just not Eric's day. He finds out that the boys are blowing the bridge up against his orders, and he runs home to Daddy to make them stooooop iiiiiiit. But first he has to deal with Mama, who attacks him like a feral dog, screaming about how could you do this to April and what were you thinking and what is up with that hideous beard of yours, etc. Eric wisely blows her off and tattles on Jake to his father, who is currently sporting a bitchin' robe. He tells Eric to do whatever it takes to stop his brother, including, I'm guessing by his tone of voice, MURDER. Which won't happen. We all know Jake is going to die choking on something, or possibly caked in something.

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Posted in Jericho by Screampiller at 12:36 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)
Last Comment: soflat on Nov 29, 2006 12:16 PM.