Gray shepherds the Other-Siders over the bridge to the correct side of town while Hawkins, apparently experienced in blowing shit up, wires the bridge. Eric swaggers through, steals a truck, and drives off into enemy territory, leaving poor Jake to just stand there sporting his Very Upset Face. After an excruciatingly suspenseful commercial break, a flare is fired off in the distance, which means that Ravenwood is on its way. Jake flips the fuck out and runs around, flailing wildly. He gathers up some plastic explosives while yelling at everyone else to get off the bridge. He switches over to Doomed Hero Face (see also: Very Upset Face).
Unfortunately we have to take a break from all this excitement to see what's up at the Bar of Broken Dreams. We find out that the doctor was stuck in Las Vegas when the bombs went off. He hooked up with the Red Cross while there and eventually got sent to Kansas for some reason. Emily tells him that she was supposed to be married today. In fact, she was supposed to be sitting in a booth right over there, "feet kicked up, having a drink." Is Jericho so small a town that it doesn't have a decent party facility? Do all wedding receptions take place in this bar? Perhaps this explains the origins of the Eric-Mary Bailey scandal.
But wait! Ah yes, all questions will be answered in another Delusional Fantasy Of What Might Have Been. Emily and the rest of the townsfolk are PREGAMING THE WEDDING at the bar. Now, I've been to several weddings and I don't think I've ever had the pleasure of getting hammered before the ceremony. Apparently the town of Jericho is just stifling enough to warrant constant intoxication, up to and during major life events. It's not a bad idea, actually. I'll have to remember this. Mary Bailey, who appears to be serving alcohol to a little girl, yells at Stanley to get dressed because the wedding starts in a half hour. Because, you know, they don't have to be at the church or anything. You can just do weddings via drive-thru these days. Heather makes a toast to Emily, getting in a few digs at her fiancée. It gets weirder and weirder, culminating in the fantastic "May they live happily together in eternal blandness". AMEN! Maybe Heather ain't so bad after all!! Emily comes to her senses, correctly realizes that her fiancée was a total dud, and that this marriage was probably going to suck anyway.
Ravenwood arrives at the bridge. Jake, having turned himself into a human bomb, threatens to blow the bridge while everyone is on it. Note that no one on Jake's team really objects to this. Deebee makes some half-assed demands (God, he really looks exhausted), but Jake does not relent. A laser beam appears on Jake's chest. Dare! Suddenly one of the Ravenfairies is snipered! Double dare! A laser beam appears on Deebee's chest! Physical challenge! I'm really hoping this means that Jack Bauer is nigh, but sadly he does not appear (he's invisible). Yet another ragingly intense stare-off threatens to consume us all, but it's finally broken up when Eric arrives with Big Bad Jonah. This is all too much for Ravenwood, who finally pussies out and leaves, but not before making a few more idle threats.
An awkward exchange takes place between Jake and Jonah, who is pissed that they were about to blow up his only road into town. And just like that, Heather is dethroned by Jonah for having the best line of the night: "If Eric hadn't come to get me you'd all be burying Jake in a shoebox tomorrow". OH SNAP! Jake = hamster!
Back at the bar, Heather and Mary have decided that darts and alcohol are a great mix, while Emily hallucinates in one of the bar's many living rooms. She asks Fantasy Roger if he's dead, but he evades the question. He asks what it is that keeps her so tied to Jericho. I think it's the lovely mountain scenery, but Roger thinks it's Jake.
At the town hall, an angry mob has gathered. People are confused, Gray still wants to blow shit up, and Jake hits his whining quota for the night. This is all setup for the triumphant return of… Mayor McCheese! He makes a stirring speech, not unlike that of President Thomas J. Whitmore in Independence Day (damn STRAIGHT I know his name). He won't destroy the bridge, because apparently the "whole world" is on the other side. Gray insinuates that maybe the people don't want him to be mayor anymore. Plaintive piano music plays.
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Comments (6)
first comment!
i watch the show. but it is pretty damn boring. its nothing to get excited over. Heroes is where its at.
1 of 6 | Posted by kevintheomanharris
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Posted on November 24, 2006 3:29 PM
We keep watching it for some reason. I told my husband it was kinda like an early USA network series. What's really good about it is the Hawkins character. That guy is outacting everyone on the show so bad, I'm surprised the directors don't tell him to "tone it down." To us he's really the star of the show. Fun recap!
2 of 6 | Posted by geewits
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Posted on November 25, 2006 2:05 AM
I watch this show, and I actually love it. I don't watch it for the reality factor - God knows I do enough dealing in reality in my everyday life. When I watch TV, I want to be entertained, and Jericho does that.
I agree with geewits regarding Hawkins - he's become my favorite aspect of the show. He's a great actor, and the mystery surrounding his character intrigues me. I'd be happy just focusing on HIM every week.
3 of 6 | Posted by mandymax
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Posted on November 27, 2006 8:32 AM
Sorry to say one actor does not a show make. This is pure crap and the appearance of D.B. Sweeney and the subplot creating a post-apocalyptic landscape a la "Mad Max" ain't gonna make it any better. I'm outta there!
4 of 6 | Posted by Tony A.
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Posted on November 27, 2006 8:42 AM
i haven't seen the show, but i'm guessing it's atrocious...still, hilarious recap. "satisfy your mercenary lust on your own time"? haha, lovely!
5 of 6 | Posted by thetank
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Posted on November 28, 2006 9:21 PM
The show stinks, but I keep watching it.
Is Hawkins good or bad? I don't care about that mystery anymore. It's probably just some cheap misdirection ploy anyways.
The lowpoint of the series was the episode where they needed gas but were afraid it would blow up if they opened the metal container (possible sparks). But they come close to a new low every week.
I wonder how Jake will save the town this week.
6 of 6 | Posted by soflat
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Posted on November 29, 2006 12:16 PM