Ok now warning readers, here is where the story gets needlessly complicated and even more unbelievable than usual. So I’m just gonna lay it out there. Skeet finds a bullet on the ground that he deduces is from a semi automatic weapon, which he believes came from the gun of a government contracted mercenary company called Ravenwood, which is a company that the government used in Iraq. “What what???” you say? It’s at this moment that this show reaches new levels of crapdome. Skeet, you are a good actor! What did you agree to this? You moved me so in “The Craft” and “Scream” and now this? Why, Skeet, why?!
Back at the house of lies it’s time for PIE! It looks really good but Anderson is not eating it cuz he’s too busy scoping out things like, Rod’s falsified family photos and pondering where Rod’s other child is. Allison lets it be known that she is not feeling this Anderson character and to be honest I’m not either. Rod pulls her aside, gives her a key, and asks her to do something for him. The next thing you know there’s Allison with a glow stick heading into Rod’s bunker within a bunker! I really do love this family.
Back at the hospital of useless and complicated revelations Skeet and Eric are in a stairwell being shot at by some unknown man at the top of the stairs. Turns out this dude is a mercenary and turns out Skeet was also a mercenary for a while driving a truck up and down the Iraqi coast. This is why he knows what Ravenwood is. Seriously what hasn’t Skeet done? They hug it out and I take this opportunity to find the nearest bottle of alcohol because DEAR GOD WILL THIS STORY LINE PLEASE END!
One glass of 2-Buck-Chuck later, the gunman Peyton, tells us that he is in the hospital because there were not enough National Guard so homeland security started hiring contractors to help evacuate the town and all of the evacuees are living in a Wal-Mart parking lot. Let it be known that living in a tent city in a Wal-Mart parking has now been added to my list of worst nightmares. There are all kinds of dead bodies strewn about the hospital floor. There was some type of altercation with the mercenaries shooting at the patients in the hospital, blah blah moving on. Finally they find the meds they need along with a random Indian doctor. The doctor’s name sounds like Kenchi Diwalia but I will call him Mohinder Lite, because Kenchi is a dork’s name.
Suddenly a truck and Hummer full of Ravenwood soldiers pulls up outside of the hospital and wants to kill all of the people left inside, which consists of Skeet and co. Peyton shoots one of the mercenaries from the window. This whole plot makes no sense to me, but I’ll try to suspend my disbelief for a little while longer and go with it.
Next thing you know we are in the Hawkins living room and Allison is giving her brother a quick Lying 101 lesson. Sam is not having it because boy just wants his pie! She tells him to just forget the lies and go with the whole pie thing. This works out splendidly as Anderson starts to interrogate the kid about his life before Jericho. Instead of answering Samuel throws a pity party and asks for pie. These Hawkins kids are natural liars, and the only redeeming quality about this show, I might add. Anderson gives up on Samuel and decides to give Allison another go. She goes into her spiel about their fake life and how their “grandma died” and left them an “inheritance” which they used to buy their house in cash. As Anderson keeps pressing her for more information Rod give Allison a look. Then suddenly Allison blurts out, “Are you harassing everyone in town or just the BLACK PEOPLE?!” Oh man it is at this moment that officially LOVE Allison. Well played, Rod and Allison, well played. Anderson tries to redeem himself by just asking to search the house, and Rod tells him that if they can overlook the mess, he can overlook the violation of his civil rights. Hawkins family 2, Anderson 0.
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Comments (12)
OMFG I cannot believe you made a reference to the Cutting Edge! TOE PICK! Seriously the use of that phrase alone gets you my vote.
1 of 12 | Posted by Kettering
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Posted on November 15, 2006 9:39 PM
Oh yeah, and also, I love the nickname Mohinder Lite. So true.
2 of 12 | Posted by Kettering
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Posted on November 15, 2006 9:41 PM
why is it that all these shows seem to be following LOSTS lead. Theres some absurd convoluted story line that isn't really the story line, and you have to plow through week after week to even have half an idea as to whats going on.
thanks for the short version.
Ice for everyone !!!
3 of 12 | Posted by mrbwood2you
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Posted on November 15, 2006 10:40 PM
wait. I wasn't finished. there was a bomb...when?.
good recap.
4 of 12 | Posted by mrbwood2you
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Posted on November 15, 2006 10:46 PM
this recap is awesome! so funny! my favorite line: "wheat thins, the panacea for all heartache." you may be the only person to make that comparison, like, ever. (unless it is a reference that i am too dumb to catch? but i don't think so.) also, classic reference to the best early-90's show ever! the jessie spano caffeine pill freakout is unforgettable...
5 of 12 | Posted by kelly
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Posted on November 16, 2006 1:46 AM
Not bad.
TOE PICK!
6 of 12 | Posted by CrazyTrain
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Posted on November 16, 2006 11:42 AM
so many good references! but you still kept the plot understandeable. Nice job.
7 of 12 | Posted by mexshecan
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Posted on November 16, 2006 1:10 PM
this is for sers one of the funniest recaps i have read. any recapper who references 'the cutting edge' truly has their finger on the pulse of pop culture. this recapper has the potential to inspire people to watch this crappy show just in order to understand the awesome recaps. totes hilar!
8 of 12 | Posted by thetorta
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Posted on November 16, 2006 2:58 PM
Apparently you didn't get the memo about calling Skeet by his character name. It's very distracting and not conducive to the recap. No vote for you!
9 of 12 | Posted by Vixen
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Posted on November 16, 2006 3:34 PM
Awesome recap, bravo!
10 of 12 | Posted by Zharak
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Posted on November 17, 2006 10:46 AM
This was an awesome recap. I don't know anyone else who can weave this many (semi)obscure pop references into a recap AND make an awful show like Jericho bearable. You get my vote.
11 of 12 | Posted by Organchito
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Posted on November 18, 2006 10:34 AM
H2H cracked me up. please don't be mad if i "borrow" that.
great review of a really crap show.
12 of 12 | Posted by ludobbs
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Posted on November 20, 2006 1:55 PM