Sorry to all one of you who reads about the delay in getting this recap up this week, but my social calendar has been packed. For real. I have friends! I can prove it!

See?

When I started my DVR for Keeping Up With the Kardashians this week, it had recorded a little bit of the show on E! before, which was titled "15 Acts of Super Violence" or something like that. A kid was talking about surviving the shooting at Virginia Tech last year. Then Kim came on, driving her Range Rover, texting or calling someone while driving, and bitching about traffic. Really puts things into perspective. Being in traffic with Kim is like surviving a shooting.

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This week on Keeping Up With the Kardashians, the girls learn how to grill, they actually follow through with something that came up earlier in the season, and Rob makes an appearance. Unfortunately I watched the show so I know that two of those things didn't happen, but it really doesn't matter which.

If this doesn't scare you into fighting for gun control, nothing will.

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Sory for the delay in getting the recap up this week, but I don't think the universe wanted me to watch Keeping Up With the Kardashians this week. I think for the first time ever the universe may be trying to help me out. I went to recap this the other night but my DVR didn't record it, so I had to catch a later showing. I'm sure everyone was very concerned though. So read on if you don't care to watch the show or forgot what happened (probably the former).

Let's watch my movie again.

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I spent this past week and weekend in Las Vegas and I'm going to have to go back because I forgot all of my money there. Actually on the cab ride back to the airport I nearly told the driver to take me to the homeless shelter. But I did some things I'm not proud of and managed to get back home. On an unrelated note, we saw the Girls Next Door and wound up at the same club as them. You may see me on TV. I'm the dude in line not screaming as the girls walk in.

On the E! show I actually recap, I refuse to admit I'm wrong, Bruce remembers high school, and we see what Kim looked like 12 years ago (hint: smaller ass).

Most uncomfortable episode of a reality show ever.

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This week on Keeping Up With the Kardashians, Khloe realizes what her lifelong dream is, Kim learns to appreciate work (again), and I get drunk halfway through the episode. Try to guess exactly where it happened!

I don't want to look. Just do what you have to do and leave me.

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I'm still trying to recover from my drinking bender this weekend, so if there's anything that doesn't make sense in this recap of Keeping Up With the Kardashians, you can just blame it on that. Or me still being drunk from St. Patrick's Day. Or me being drunk now.

This week we learn that Rob is still alive, there's a difference between "organic" and "fresh from a chicken", and that Khloe is like me in that she isn't sure which of her youngest sisters is which.

Which one are you?

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This week Flipit comes to me and says, "Treadingonme, I've got a problem. Keeping Up With the Kardashians needs a recapper, and I don't hate anyone enough to make them do it. But I've got great news for you. I actually do hate you enough, so you have the distinct privilege, and you can't decline. Sucker." Then he went on to say some things about my mom that I thought were very out of line and actually should not be put in print anywhere. Ever. I need a raise (from nothing).

But anyways, this week on Keeping Up With the Jenner-Kardashians, Kim talks about herself, Kendal and Kylie exhibit behavior that would worry you if they were about 4 years older, and I learn the meaning of "driven to suicide."

I have a feeling he gets it too.

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