Well it's time for the season finale of Keeping Up With the Kardashians. At least I think it is. I mean, the show never explicitly said it wasn't, so I'm taking that as a positive sign. Read on to discover just how everyone learns their lesson and comes to appreciate life (which is what happens in season finales, right?) for the rest of the day before returning to being ungrateful bastards.
How can I not get laid tonight ?
This episode starts of just about as contrived as all other episodes. Kim is talking on the phone to Reggie and he's telling her about his MRI and how he's out for the season. So, obviously this is during football season. But, I think we've been jumping around a lot this year, so who really cares when it was? I'm not really sure, but I guess the point of the whole scene is just so Khloe can tell Reggie she knows about all the kinky things he does with Kim, and Kim just squeals and giggles and tries to wrestle the phone away. That was the intro this week.
This situation would so not be reversed.
Because that was boring, I'm going to comment on the opening sequence. Kris is wearing some serious boots, but she looks pretty frumpy in her "trying to be youthful" dress. Meanwhile, Khloe is taller than Bruce. She won't let being 6'8" stop her from wearing eight inch heels. And look like more of a whore than any of her whorish sisters (I don't consider the young ones whores).
Speaking of the whorish sisters, the three of them are doing some photoshoot for some shit you don't care about or magazine you don't read. Oh, excuse me. It's for OK! Magazine. I take back everything awful I said about it. They've finally made it! Break out the champagne!
You know what's so entirely totally random? The fact that Kim brings up Reggie's celebrity pool tournament in New Orleans AT THE PHOTOSHOOT. I mean think of the odds. It's gotta be like a million to one. We're really lucky that they totally caught this on camera. Also Reggie wants the girls to play in it. Kim then lists off some valid celebrities who are at least famous for something, and apparently the girls consider themselves in that class of celebrity as well. Or possibly higher, I'm not really sure. But the girls are totes excited!
OMG you're almost as big as Mini Lohan
And just like that the girls are in New Orleans. Or N'awlans for the locals (or posers like myself). Or that place where that hurricane hit that they deserved because of all the debauchery, for our Republican friends.
While the girls are down there, Bruce decides to call up Kourtney. You see, he's got the house to himself and Kris, and he just filled his Cialis prescription. He can wait for the right moment with Cialis. He tells us it's time for a romantic, erotic time with his wife. Thank God he included erotic in that sentence. Because my dinner wasn't on its way up fast enough. He got roses and a chef, so he's pretty set for some marital-boning.
Well, wouldn't you know it, that EXACT SAME day Kris gets a call while she's working at Smooch, which, if I remember correctly, is the store where you can dress your little girls like whores, as opposed to Dash, where you can dress your barely legal daughter like a whore. And who's on the phone? Cici, only Kris's favorite cousin, and she's on her way up from Houston. Kris is excited because she'll have Cici all to herself for the weekend. But, uh-oh, Bruce has a romantic weekend planned. Do I smell hijinks? You bet you're ass I do.
You know, Reggie Bush does some pretty great shit for New Orleans, but inviting his whore girlfriend and her fame-whore sisters (and Rob) was not one of his better ideas. Also, what is Khloe's deal? She's wearing a dress, and it's pretty short, obviously. But even Kim and Kourtney are dressed pretty conservatively. And this is, like, February in New Orleans (which is actually nowhere near when the opening sequence took place), so it's probably pretty cold. Why is she the most whoriest Kardashian here? Or, at least dressed like it?
« American Idol: Donna Summer Wins | Main | The Bachelorette: Greece is the Word »
Comments (3)
I almost peed myself laughing! Awesome recap. I think everyone that watches this show (which I think is down to you and me, Treading) was screaming at their TV when those whores were acting like they had come up with the charity idea. And I'm still suspicious of Reggie Bush - if he is such a wonderful, caring, giving person, why is he dating a whore with none of those qualities?
1 of 3 | Posted by VegasDarling | Posted on May 23, 2008 9:32 AM
Honestly this could not have been more planned out if they tried. I mean, it was a good cause and it's nice that they did that, but it was like they were acting.
And no mention of how gross it was that Bruce was talking about his sex life with his daughter? They all have such weird relationships with each other.
Loved your recaps though! They were definitely better than the show itself :)
2 of 3 | Posted by yankeesfan | Posted on May 23, 2008 10:44 AM
Hilarious recap. I love how you say what most of us with common sense say when watching this show. It is so ridiculously staged that it's hard to take most of it seriously.
#2: Yeah I'll agree. I know they're all adults and everything, but they are a little too open with each other. I can understand Khloe and Kim talking about it cause they're really close and only a few years apart, but I almost threw up during that episode when Khloe and Kourtney went looking for their mom's vibrator.
3 of 3 | Posted by hollabackboy | Posted on May 23, 2008 2:45 PM