At this point in the Keeping Up With the Kardashians, there is absolutely nothing I can tell you that happened in the episode that would surprise you. I won't even waste your time.
My boob itches.
*This recap is not safe for work, because Kim Kardashian is a whore. Don't say I didn't warn you.
This episode begins with the three eldest Kardashian sisters sitting around, doing what probably 90% of their lives consist of: staring at themselves in the mirror. Kim tells them of her quandary. Her one year anniversary is coming up with Reggie Bush and she doesn't know what to get him! Like OMG, he's totes gonna break up with her if she doesn't get him the perfect gift. I really enjoy assuming that this relationship is all one-sided and that Reggie has no idea any sort of anniversary is coming up. Also he could give two shits about Kim, which is still probably about two more than she's worth. But I digress.
Kourtney suggests a watch, while Khloe suggests a leopard. You can tell she's put a lot of thought into her suggestion because she hasn't taken her eyes or her hands off her fucking bangs the entire time. We get it. You think you're hot. Or you think your work will result in hotness. Go ahead and keep that charade up. Kim rejects all of their ideas and decides to make him a personal calendar. Yeah, just want he wants, to look at you all the time. He could put that on his phone. Or his computer wallpaper. Or buy a video. Or a Playboy.
So that means it's time to get into shape for a photoshoot! The girls show up to American Laser Center or something, a title I didn't pay attention to aside from the word laser (Khloe is sans bangs suddenly, just to point out). Interesting name for a gym, right? Well, Kim works out all the time, but she does have a little bit of cellulite. So that's zap that shit away.
I was hoping she had to have regular back hair removal or something.
Khloe is quick to point out all the spots where Kim could use it on her legs, noting even the side of the legs. God, if Khloe doesn't pick out everyone's flaws while ignoring her own. Anyways, then it's time for some customary ass shots while Kim is getting this done. I've noticed that she has an affinity for leopard prints, which, isn't that reserved for women over 40? Pretty odd.
For some reason, later that night or something, Khloe and Kourtney are sitting around Kris and Bruce's house and they're talking about Scott. Apparently he got a job offer! Wow, he's really moving up. Maybe he can even work, *gasp*, part time! Bruce wanders out wanting to know what they're talking about, and then he kind of makes a snide comment about Scott getting a real job. I think it's as a car salesman, so decide for yourself if that is a real job. Normally I would say yes, but in this case I'll say fuck Scott.
But the girls don't think Bruce has any room to talk. Hey, girls, fuck you, why don't you win an Olympic gold and then get endorsement money forfuckingever. In addition to that shit, Bruce also does motivational speeches and promotions and stuff. Kris thinks it would be a great idea for the girls to go with, since they're so fucking protected in their lives. Kourtney says "why, we own two businesses. I own two businesses," as she eyes Khloe. Nuh-uh sis, not today. They're my businesses. Yeah, and I'm sure her business acumen is second to none.
How the hell have I ended up here?
Now it's time for Kim to take her newly cellulite-free ass and stomach to her calendar photoshoot. So she's getting all her shots done or whatever, and guess who shows up: Golden Girls star Bea Arthur! Totally unexpected E! This time you literally did surprise me.
Meh, actually Reggie shows up. Kim is all surprised, like she didn't tell him exactly where she was going today and probably what time to show up. She hopes the surprise won't be ruined though, as he thinks she's just shooting for some whore magazine. Wow, this will be the best present ever. You mean he gets to see the calendar be made, then look at it all the time?! Wow, this is too much Kim Kardashian. You are so incredibly generous, and not vain in any way whatsoever.
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Comments (1)
Please find a new recapper for next season. This show is funny and yes, insulting to the general public's intelligence, but find a recapper who actually enjoys watching it and can actually entertain the reader with their snark. "Kim's a vapid whore"..."Khloe looks like a man"..."This is all staged"...Really? How insightful.
The recaps would be a lot better with some humor and witty observations (vs. stating the obvious).
I'm usually in the camp that gets annoyed with these types of posts, and my reaction is typically "well...don't read the recap." But I wanted to comment because I hope a different writer recaps this show next season.
1 of 1 | Posted by msu11y28 | Posted on May 23, 2008 9:10 AM