Hello! Nope this show hasn't ended yet. Just a few more eps and maybe then I'll feel clean again. I doubt it, but who cares anyway because we are all going to die. Sorry, that's just my cute little way of getting myself amped up to recap Keeping Up With The Kardashians!
Why does every shot of this girl have to look like porn?
This week starts off with Kim at Reggie's house pretend arguing about his wardrobe. Kim tells us that she and Reggie have been in a strong committed relationship for over a year and a half. There are scenes of kissing and hugging and laughing and I find it quite cute. Which means either I'm growing a heart or my Mom's happy pills are finally kicking in.
Cut to Meltyface Manor where there is some sort of hair mutilating ritual going on. The girls are telling Meltyface that they are going to cheer Reggie on in New Orleans at his first game. This gives Meltyface the perfect opportunity to be old, gross, creepy and icky all at the same time.
Ya know back when my pecker worked.......
And he tells this ridiculous lie about how people ask him all the time if its bad to have sex before a game. Maybe they asked him that 35 years ago. Maybe. He says he thinks its fine the night before but you should never have sex during a game. The mascot doesn't like it. Khloe expresses how I think we all feel right now.
Seriously, why is he here?
Meltyface wanders off and Khloe starts screaming Bush in the tush and playing with Kim's ass. She thinks Kim may be anorexic because her ass isn't as jiggly as it used to be. Hello? She's wearing jeans. If your ass jiggles in jeans, you need to skip the call to Jenny and just stop eating. Now.
Remember when we used to could slap it and like surf the waves?
Aww, Kim and Reggie are i-chatting. They miss each other. They love each other. Kim says they need to i-bone. I need to i-puke. Kim breaks the news that she can't come to Reggie's brothers birthday party because she has a shoot. He says it's ok. He understands. Then she tells us that her career is on this upswing and she has a line of shoes with Robert Shapiro (I will NOT make an OJ joke) she has photo shoots out the gazoo and her friends and Reggie are just going to have to understand. She comes first. Ha! Then she tells Reggie she loves him.
I love you hon, more than my perfume line yet not as much as my shoe line.
Over at Kourt and Khloe's the phone rings. It's Khloe's publicist. And she needs one why? Anyhoodles, it seems Beth the publicist has an amazing offer for Khloe. She wants her to come to New York and host a fashion show that would promote Dash and Smooch and a few hundred other things. During Fashion Week. Yeah, when I think of fashion, Khloe is the first thing to pop into my mind.
My Meemaw wears the same thing for water aerobics.
Off to another restaurant where Kim is telling Adrienne, Khloe and Kourt how much she misses Reggie. She hasn't seen him in a week. She says they will be apart for a lot of time but they will be able to i-chat. Someone suggests they i-bone. She denies this but Khloe rats her out and says that she told her she takes a vibrator to herself while they are i-chatting.
I would NEVER perform sex acts that may or may not be recorded!
Off to one of Kim's bazillion shoots. Her Co-Manager, wait, let me giggle, uh, why does she need 2 managers? Isn't KabbagePatch just killing herself daily for Kim? Whatever. Co-Manager face informs Kim that Blah Blah wants to book her for a shoot the very same weekend of Reggie's first game. The one she has promised she would be at.
I bet she has co-pimple poppers for her ass too.
Comments (7)
Funny!
I have no interest in watching, but at least now I have a mental reference of WHO this Kim Kardashian is... Reggie Bush's girlfriend. (Run, Reggie! Run!)
1 of 7 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on May 9, 2009 10:21 AM
Thank you fire@will. I was afraid these recaps were starting to suck. I'm having writers issues to to family issues. Is it legal to have family members put to sleep? Anyhoodle, thanks for hanging in there with me!
Love ya!
2 of 7 | Posted by Cherie | Posted on May 9, 2009 11:39 AM
Cherie! Never think your recaps are starting to suck! They are GRRRRRRREAT!
Seriously, you make me laugh out loud every time.
Let me know what you find out about the legality of putting faimly members to sleep - I have a couple of my own. Maybe we could get a group rate!!
SWAK, PottyMouth
3 of 7 | Posted by PottyMouth | Posted on May 9, 2009 3:31 PM
Kris is so crazy. In the bad way, not the kooky, fun-loving way.
And how old is Khloe? She must be in her mid-20s or something, I'm pretty sure most parents have let go by that time and WISH their children would leave. BUT I guess those kids aren't making their parents incomes, so...
4 of 7 | Posted by kelsey | Posted on May 9, 2009 3:37 PM
As far as having family members put to sleep... most of us have at least one candidate... (not even counting teenagers)... you might try moving and not leaving a forwarding address (it worked for my parents, at least for awhile, but I'm unduly persistant for a dwarf).
5 of 7 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on May 9, 2009 5:16 PM
Cherie, honey, don't stop, and don't be afraid, you're kicking ass, and sometimes it's nice to have the Kardoucheyans to take it out on, right? Girl, I feel for you with this show, but you're definitely making some silk purses out of these pig eared bitches. Keep your head up! It was a funny-ass recap!
love, J-Mo :)
6 of 7 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on May 11, 2009 12:09 PM
Oh J-Mo you always know exactly what to say! I loves you dearly! Hey I know, you can come move in with me. You'd have to sleep with my Mom but she's small and you'll get used to her constant farting...eventually. Thanks hon, you can always make me smile!
Love Love Love!
7 of 7 | Posted by Cherie | Posted on May 11, 2009 6:55 PM