This week on Keeping Up With The Kardashians, I'm tired of typing already. But because of my love for you guys I'll press ahead. Let's take a look inside Meltyface Manor.
As we look inside the delightful home we see a family around a dinner table. Dad at the head of the table. Drinking milk with his dinner. Little kiddies on each side. So sweet. Then Mommy KabbagePatch opens her flytrap and screeches "Who around this table has had a vasectomy?"
Not exactly a Norman Rockwell portrait. I probably just gave some porn producer a sick ass idea. Oops. Anyway, Khloe then continues this lovely discussion by mentioning Meltyface's penis. And Meltyface fesses up that yes indeedy he has had a nutcracker cause he didn't want to have anymore kids like Khloe. Khloe protests that he didn't have her causing KabbagePatch to make this face.
The conversation dries up quicker than Kp's ovaries and everyone is texting everyone else. Meltyface does not like this. He is most displeased. He announces that this is why they are going camping and leaving all electronics at home. You know, so when a bear attacks, they won't be able to call for help.
Kob announces that Adrienne's parents are going to be in town that very weekend so she won't be able to attend this train wreck. Oh wait! KabbagePatch has an idea. A stupid ridiculous made for tv idea! Have her parent's come along on this camping trip from hell. Just because they've never ever met these people is no reason not to drag them out into the wilderness and subject them to the kAddams family.
Meltyface jumps on this bandwagon and says there's plenty of room. They are small people right? They don't take up much space. We'll put them in the overhead. They'll be fine. Meltyface says the only way for this trip to work is to bring everybody. The more the merrier. Hey why don't you invite all your Facebook friends too? It'll be great.
Meltyface tells Adrienne's Mom the wonderful idea and Kris introduces herself.
Meltyface asks if she is an a adventurous spirit and she says sure! Everybody yells yay except for Kob and Adrienne. I'm pretty sure she's pinching the shit outta Lil' Elvis under the table.
Kob tells us that basically his family is kinda trashy and Adrienne's family is not. Adrienne is mystified as to how this all happened and just wants Kob to save her. Since she seems to have the only common sense in this bunch she pulls Kob by his pee pee into the kitchen and tells him that you just don't drag people you've never met off to the woods in a box on wheels. Ever. Meanwhile at Meltyface Manor, apparently dry humping on the couch beside your step Dad is a common occurrence.
Adrienne tells them that her family is "old school"(they have morals). And Kob sums it up nicely by saying her family is from the cul de sac and not the corner. Kourt is aware that her family is a bit "rowdy" but she says "that's us." Meaning "suck it". Then all the girls wrestle Kob to the floor while KabbagePatch pretends she's a Mom and says "that's enough." Not even kidding. And then I see this.
By the way all that., was before the credits even roll. After the credits KabbagePatch is off to the skin doc. She tells us with a semi straight face(hey plastic surgery can't fix everything) that she's been thinking of having a "little mini face lift" for a couple of years now. Uh huh. And I've been thinking about eating a box of donuts. Lady you've had work done and I ain't got no more donuts.
Instead of jumping into a face lift she has decided to try lazer treatment at a skin rejuvenation center. LOL sounds better than loose skin factory don't it? They lube her face up, poke her with some numbing stuff and do what they do. She thinks she looks better. But then she goes home and right after Khloe tells her she doesn't need a face lift she also tells her her neck looks like a turkey.
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Comments (5)
R.I.P Meltyface. I actually like Meltyface on this show...he and Kob are the only ones who seem somewhat normal. As in, they seem to understand the concept that it's trashy and inappropriate to ask a girl about her boyfriend's asshole in front of her mom and dad. Especially when said boyfriend is your brother! Anyways, I heard Kob and the Cheetah girl broke up...nooo wonder.
1 of 5 | Posted by mariabird522 | Posted on May 23, 2009 5:26 AM
Your recaps of this train wreck of a family are fascinating.
It must be really horrible to be a minor player in the K-trashinans and have your own relationships victimized by their behavior - often in public - on a regular basis. (Isn't that at least as bad as water boarding? WTF?)
So far, so good on the face lift. Now, if they could just give him a backbone transplant...
2 of 5 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on May 23, 2009 8:57 AM
P.S.> Some should recap the new season of Jon & Kate Plus 8. I feel bad for the kids, but for some reason I can't stop rubbernecking to look at THAT train wreck of a couple!
3 of 5 | Posted by mariabird522 | Posted on May 23, 2009 12:09 PM
Cherie, you give such great screen grab! I'm sad to see Meltyface go too, but that skin won't stay tight forever.
Thanks for another great week of the giggles.
SWAK, PottyMouth
4 of 5 | Posted by PottyMouth | Posted on May 23, 2009 7:09 PM
Wow, Bruce used to be cute. I like his old nose. Plastic surgery makes me sick; people almost always look worse (sometimes much worse) afterwards. Maybe it's just that people don't know when to stop.
How did Bruce get mixed up with this family? Was it his low self-esteem?
5 of 5 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on May 23, 2009 9:09 PM