Hi there Gasmi! It's me Cherie. Don't know who I am? Yeah well me neither. When Flipit asked if I wanted to do this show I was hesitant, after all, I do have standards. Turns out very LOW standards so here I is! Welcome to my version of Keeping Up With The Kardashians.
I have to admit, I've only seen a few other episodes from seasons past. I'd try to watch but then Bruce's scary ass melted face would come on the screen and make me remember my icky Uncle Ray who used to take his teeth out and chase me with them. Oh well, childhood trauma be damned, I have a job to do.
We start out with Kim and Khloe coming back to Kris's house after vacationing in Australia. Seriously people, were there no other letters available when naming these kids? Anyhoodle, they are looking at pictures from the trip when this one makes my day.
Australian hero.
It seems Kim was attacked, attacked I say, by a fierce and ferocious koala bear. Hmmmm....that starts with a "k" also.....what could it MEANNNNNN?
Then Khloe tells Mommy Kris that she got kicked out of her D.U.I. classes. And she giggles. Cut to scenes from two years ago when Khloe tells us, she did something stupid. It was the anniversary of her dad's death so she got snockered and then attempted to drive and was busted! Khloe says she feels bad that she is putting everyone through this.
Oops.
Mom asks how you get kicked out of a D.U.I class. My guess is drinking is probably frowned on. (I was only trying to be sociable and bring some for everyone in the class) Oh wait she got kicked out because she missed 2 classes because she was in Australia.
Mom of the Decade says "Well if you are ok you should probably go take one." Khloe explains that she has to have a court date first . As she's yacking about this she has a bottle of wine in her hands and is reading the label. "Bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch some more." Kris says "A wine after your own heart.
Kim tells her to chug it and then she puts it up to Kris' mouth and she makes a gross chugging noise. Khloe says gross and then asks her if that's the noise she makes when giving Bruce head? Hold a sec.........(baaaaaaaaaarrrrrffffffffff)
Huh?
Kris tells her to go handle her business and then Meltyface Bruce comes in. Khloe says "The sex master is here." He looks around all confused. Just by the by, what the hell is up with Kris face? She's starting to look like a Cabbage Patch doll. Oh wait that should be KabbagePatch doll.
KabbagePatch
Later Khloe and a friend who's name doesn't start with a "K" are driving and Khloe tells her she just has to get an extension and they will be done. Sure. Off to the courthouse. It seems Mr. Judge was in no mood for excuses and Khloe tells us that he considers her job a luxury and there's no excuse for why she got kicked out of the class. Wait a sec, she has a job?
Mom could you bake me a cake with a file in it?
Oops Khloe is going to the big house! For 30 days! Which will translate into about what, three minutes? How will she ever survive? And what is she gonna tell mommy KabbagePatch?
Apparently she tells KabbagePatch that yes indeedy she is off to jail. No biggie. KabbagePatch starts freaking out because to her and most humans, going to jail kinda sux. I guess Khloe needs some new friends and FaceBook wasn't cutting it cause she seems to think it's nothing. Or she watches the news, you know, Entertainment Tonight, and knows that she's not going to be there for any longer than it takes MeltyFace Bruce to say "Huh?"
Her Mom's like "Wah what about me?" and Khloe is all "No wah wah what about me?" "Khloe hangs up on KabbagePatch because she is like, stressing her! Her friend who's name does not start with a "K" says "Khloe you are WRONG!"
MeltyFace Manor
Back at MeltyFace Manor, KabbagePatch wonders how on earth MeltyFace Bruce is going to react. Oh my heavens, what shall I say what shall I do? Shut it Skarlett. Turns out MeltyFace is all "Congratulations, high five!" KabbagePatch is not amused. But I am.
I promise I'll be good, please don't make me go back to the basement.
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Comments (8)
Oh Cherie, that WAS a real knee slapper! OMG that pic of Kranny? LMFAO.
You've given me an incurable case of the giggles. Thank you.
SWAK, PottyMouth
1 of 8 | Posted by PottyMouth | Posted on March 13, 2009 11:54 AM
OMG I don't even watch this show and that recap had me hysterical. I registered just to join in on the fun. Keep bringin the funny.
2 of 8 | Posted by chbbygrlmargarita | Posted on March 13, 2009 1:53 PM
You did ASS well ASS you possibly could with such an ASSinine TV show. I ASSume you will be doing this again next week?
3 of 8 | Posted by chooch850 | Posted on March 13, 2009 2:43 PM
Wow, that was hysterical! I was watching "Celebrity Apprentice" and it has Khloe on it, so I thought I would read your recap. How the HELL did she score the appentice job, she sounds like a total idiot, although the mom is worse. I feel sorry for old Melty face.
4 of 8 | Posted by valmommyt | Posted on March 13, 2009 3:45 PM
Wow Cherie, you are a recapping soldier, what with Bad Girls and now the crazy K's. I can't watch this toilet filler, but loved your recap. Thanks for the laughs.
5 of 8 | Posted by shantigal | Posted on March 13, 2009 11:56 PM
The lot of these chicks are Klowns!
I am ashamed to admit it but I have seen past episodes and this is not the first time that Kris had brought up her dead ex and the whole OJ trial and that they were on opposite sides and that she and Nicole were friends, blah, blah, blah. I'm starting to see a pattern.
So I guess anytime the going get tough for this woman this is her "thing". She's a mess.
Did no one ever think of smacking little Klohe in the mouth when she was being brought up? I would not have spared the rod with that little whore. I would have worn that rod out! She's a rude, disrespectful turd.
6 of 8 | Posted by uglycutie | Posted on March 14, 2009 12:02 PM
I had a feeling KabbagePatch had dragged out the dead ex before. Hello? She divorced him like 19 years ago he died 5 years ago and she just started feeling guilty IN THIS EPISODE? Oh man I saw MeltyFace on Dr. Phil and he looks like he's had another face lift and this time its not so melty looking. What the hell am I gonna call him now?
Suggestions are welcome and there will be a big giant surprise for the winner!
7 of 8 | Posted by Cherie | Posted on March 14, 2009 5:54 PM
Cherie, you are unbelievably brave to recap this show. I think they are the most icky and innappropriate family on reality tv. I didn't watch the show, but I enjoyed your recap a lot. MeltyFace. lol.
8 of 8 | Posted by angiemarie | Posted on March 15, 2009 11:28 AM