I spent this past week and weekend in Las Vegas and I'm going to have to go back because I forgot all of my money there. Actually on the cab ride back to the airport I nearly told the driver to take me to the homeless shelter. But I did some things I'm not proud of and managed to get back home. On an unrelated note, we saw the Girls Next Door and wound up at the same club as them. You may see me on TV. I'm the dude in line not screaming as the girls walk in.
On the E! show I actually recap, I refuse to admit I'm wrong, Bruce remembers high school, and we see what Kim looked like 12 years ago (hint: smaller ass).
Most uncomfortable episode of a reality show ever.
The show starts with Khloe singing a song about having mail. She opens it up and it's a package with a container of condoms inside of it. She tries to pretend like it's just some weird thing that gets sent to Dash, like it happens all the time. Right. I get work things sent to my house all the time. You have no idea how many times I get condoms sent here when they should be sent to work. I mean, I do work at the Condom Store. It's in the mailing address.
Apparently included in the package are instructions on how to put condoms on. Personally I was hoping they would read through them, because I've always wondered. But Kendal and Kylie begin snooping around, and Bruce tells them they don't need any. And, damnit, I just remembered what this episode was about. Allow this to be the first time I've been uncomfortable this episode.
Khloe offers Bruce a kondom but he says he's cool. Then she says that he should get her a vibrator for Christmas. Kourtney standing right there says, "Don't think she doesn't have one." I'm slightly uncomfortable at this, but it could be worse, so we won't count that. So Khloe says they should go look for them. Bruce doesn't think she does, but the girls go scavenge anyways. I know exactly how they feel too. I've spent so much time looking for all of my mom's vibrators. It's like totally normal to do.
The girls search and find shit, so Bruce is feeling pretty good and right. So Khloe calls Kris up and asks where the motherload of vibrators is. Unfortunately Kris has neither a vibrator NOR a dildo. What kind of animal is she? Neither? Disgusting.
Next you're gonna tell me that you've never done a dude on the internet to get a reality show. LOSER.
After the credits we see what we're supposed to believe is Kris and Bruce cooking breakfast for everyone, and they ask what Kendal wants for breakfast. She doesn't want anything because they make everything bad. Kris says that's not nice and asks if she's turning into a teenager, which is greeted with a curt No.
Kris tells us that Kendal is copping a pretty big attitude lately, and it's easily recognizable because she's seen it at least three times before (and constantly with one daughter). Kendal is turning into a little biatch lately. I hope this gets more graphic. Because I feel like it's going to, and that would be pleasant. In a terrible, I'm not a young girl kind of a way.
Kris gets a call from someone at a dance group or something. I believe the title was "Los Angeles Parks Old School Crew Dancers." But probably spelled crazier. Kris asks if they want to talk to Kim, but, nope, Kris is the one they're looking for. They want Kris to come and audition for them. Oh, also, they're an over-40 dance group that dances for the Lakers. Kris tells us a sob story about how she couldn't be a cheerleader 40 years ago because she got a "bad grade" before tryouts. I'm guessing it was a plus sign. So she's totally on board.
Kris goes to tell the girls and Bruce who are all conveniently sitting around about her opportunity. The girls think she's crazy. She goes on to say that they wear black spandex, and thus begins a cameltoe conversation. Phew, I was afraid I wouldn't ever type "cameltoe." My life is now complete.
My mom is ttly gonna have cameltoe omg f ing shoot my face.
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Comments (6)
The meniscal tear is hard to believe for me. I have never heard of knee surgery two days after the injury except if it is a pro athlete (time is money) but even that is pushing it. For one thing, you need to wait for all the swelling to go down before they can do the repair. A lot of times you also need the swelling to decrease before they can do an MRI to diagnosis a tear. That's neither here nor there I guess... we'll just to wait and see if she is using crutches in the next episode or if they just cut a few weeks of time out.
1 of 6 | Posted by kristy | Posted on April 2, 2008 10:15 AM
That woman was not injured. TOTAL BULLSHIT.
And yet, I still watch the show, even though my boyfriend told me I can't yell at the TV anymore.
Awesome recap, btw.
2 of 6 | Posted by VegasDarling | Posted on April 2, 2008 10:15 AM
Oh. My. Gawd. As I read through this I thought that you had to be kidding about what the episode was about...but then realized-- in horror-- that you weren't!
I want some of whatever the person was smoking who comes up with the "scripts" for this "reality" fiasco.
Great recap! You save my brain cells from having to watch it, and my TV from having crap thrown at it in disgust!
3 of 6 | Posted by Snarky | Posted on April 2, 2008 12:46 PM
Kristy, I'm sorry to say that your statements regarding the knee surgery are not correct. Swelling has nothing to do with how quickly a scan can be taken. If that were the case, no scans would ever be used b/c swelling tends to be the first sign that something is incorrect. Secondly, it was most likely a MRI that was performed b/c these detect tears, not just fractures and breaks, like an X-ray would. It is very to have knee surgery 2 days following the injury b/c MRI's have to be processed and read and insurance red tape has to be cut. Given Bruce's former Olympic athlete status, however, I would assume that he has expedited healthcare lined up should it be needed. Now, recovery from knee surgey is a b----, but a meniscus tear is not as severe or invasive as an ACL tear b/c they don't have to graf the tear w/another part. I say this all as someone who is not only in the medical field, but who also recently recovered from ACL reconstruction.
Sorry for all the geek-medical speak. Bottom line is that the editing on this show is so shady, it's completely reasonable to doubt everything that's shown.
4 of 6 | Posted by cee_jay | Posted on April 2, 2008 1:33 PM
cee_jay
Hello to another member of the medical field and I am glad you understood my point. I, like others, don't really believe that she injured her knee. At least in Pittsburgh, any surgeons I have worked with will not operate on someone until the swelling has gone down. I was also basing my crutch estimate on the the most basic surgery- a menisectomy which requires crutches for a minimum of 1-2 weeks.
The important point is the plot lines are so ridiculous that it is addicting
5 of 6 | Posted by kristy | Posted on April 2, 2008 6:39 PM
this show is so fake there was an episode last season where kris with a k hired a nanny. turns out the nanny is a porn star named bree olson i saw it on wikipedia, maybe her and kim can do a film or maybe thats why she was on the show, there must be another porn for kim in the works
6 of 6 | Posted by klein0231 | Posted on April 10, 2008 9:24 PM