Kendra makes out with her dog and then Mom arrives with little brother and his girlfriend. Walking around the house all Kendra's Mom can do is ask "Where's all the furniture?" GET OUT OF MY HOUSE MOM! Sorry, flashback. Anyway, Mom realizes Kendra has no furniture and yet she managed to have a pole installed. And she is SHOCKED! Really? Methinks she is full of shit. And speaking of shit, one of her dogs shits at the front door.
Mom has a brilliant idea. She tells Kendra to have a house warming party so people can give her free stuff. Kendra's usual response, "Hell yeah!" She has booze and a pole. Party on!
Her friend and room mate Amber is there as they get ready for the party. Kendra invited Amber to live with her. Huh? Oh wait, Kendra is a switch hitter right? She wants to eat her cake and a cupcake too. Or something like that. The party is on and people begin to arrive. Bridget shows up. As do a bunch of people I don't know. Her "Whack Pack" as she calls them. Mary, Hef's real life true love, shows up and Kendra immediately tries to get her on the pole.
After a whole lot of booze Kendra and Brittany do their famous Clam Open dance for the crowd. Kendra's Mom makes this face.
Kendra does a keg stand. Someone from the crowd makes a rule that no one is allowed to puke on the cake. People are so damn picky these days. Some girl, it might have been Brittany, gets shoved into the pool so she takes her pants off and plasters her ass against the wall.
Guess who shows up? Yep it's Hef and his new girlfriend Crystal. Kendra looks like she might cry and she tells us she never expected him to show up.
Kendra shows Hef and his girlfriend around the place. Then it's time to open gifts. Kendra gets toilet paper, a grill. No not that kind of grill. This kind.
Bridget gives her cupcake holders and a blanket with The Girls Next Door on it. What the hell is wrong with Bridget's face?
Kendra tells us the party was better than she could ever have imagined. The next day she is off to the airport to get Hank. They have never lived in the same city before much less the same house. Kendra's worried that he won't like her messy ass ways. She should be. Hobo's have neater boxes than this bitch.
They get back to the house and the first thing Hank notices is the pole. He tells us that Kendra tried to explain to him that all woman are dancing on poles now. He thinks not and says that's going to take some getting used to. Poor clueless bastard.
They go upstairs and Kendra is in panic mode because of the mess. Hank says it might be a mess but it's their mess. Awww. Shut up. He says that he and Kendra might not be perfect but they are perfect for each other. He says he can't wait to spend the rest of his life with her. Seriously, poor, poor clueless bastard.
And they crawl into their unmade bed and profess their love for each other. And this ends the first episode of Kendra. How did this shit stay on the air? Does anyone really watch this show? I guess I'll find out.
Love & Smooches,
Cherie
« Real World: Vowel Love | Main | The Bachelorette: ¡Soy grande en Chihuahua, Spain! »
Comments (6)
Cherie,
I will never watch this show but I will read every hilarious recap! Thanks for the real entertainment!
1 of 6 | Posted by wornsey | Posted on July 9, 2009 8:13 PM
I, also, will never watch this ridiculous show. I do hope that you continue to recap it for me though :).
BTW, I also think Mary is Hef's real true love.
2 of 6 | Posted by sanen85 | Posted on July 9, 2009 9:59 PM
At least I now know why my life has always felt like total chaos. I just haven't been making the proper rules.
From now on, Rule #1: No Puking on the Cake.
3 of 6 | Posted by itchy | Posted on July 9, 2009 11:21 PM
I watched part of the ep where she had a yard sale and she had the Girls Next Door blanket for sale. Just now do I find out it was given to her by Bridg, lol!
Kendra better never get fat cause all she's got going is a skinny body and fake tits. Horrible laugh, unfortunate face, and she's dumber than shit.
4 of 6 | Posted by uglycutie | Posted on July 9, 2009 11:21 PM
Funny recap, this show is ripe for jokes.
I didn't see this episode, but I saw one where they went on a trip to visit Hank's family. They stopped in some little town and toured a life size version of the Flinstone's House and car, etc. Kendra wanted to do it in Fred and Wilma's bed. It was pretty funny.
I will admit one thing, Kendra looked beautiful on her wedding day and the flowers were unbelievable. I expected her to have glitter and beads and crystals, but she didn't it was very nice. If it weren't for her two helium filled breasts, it would look like any other wealthy wedding.
But her laugh!! How could you live with that monotone machine gun laugh? I would need serious drugs to listen to that for more than a few minutes.
5 of 6 | Posted by AnneM | Posted on July 12, 2009 11:56 AM
Flipit- i would like to see a brooke knows best recap!
6 of 6 | Posted by heykate7 | Posted on July 14, 2009 7:10 AM