This week Kid Nation was all about trash. That's when it occurred to me that Kid Nation and the life of Britney Spears share so many common elements. And it goes far beyond pure trashiness. Unsupervised children: check. Over indulgence in soda: check. Gum chewing: check. Rebellion and occasional disrespect of authority: check, check. Damn. If one of these kids comes out with ripped fishnets, and the town experiences a "blackout" (the name of Britney's new album) I'm gonna be totally weirded out. Welcome aboard... It's Kid Nation, bitch.
We open day 17 with the town bell alarm clock; Zach being this weeks ringer. Zach is very excited to be on the Council . We know this, because he does a little victory song and dance including hip shaking and these original lyrics: "Who's the new town council leader? Who's the new town council leader?" Wow. Take it easy Danny Pintauro. Couple more of those pelvic thrusts and you're gonna be cordially invited to YMCA camp this summer.
Taylor's not happy with Zach's bell ringing. In fact, she gets her teeny little beauty queen ass up, just to go yell at him and tell him how many people hate him. They should have done a split screen of Zach and Taylor right then and there, with a running tally on the bottom of the screen comparing the number of Zach haters to the number of Taylor haters. And then mailed the results to Taylor's parents.
Mommy never makes me get up this early dickhead!
Zach tells Taylor she hates him some more, to which Zach replies, "too bad." Taylor retorts, "Too bad my butt," But I think she meant to say, "too bad my butt doesn't get spanked by my parents enough." Just when we think she couldn't look more bitchy, Taylor tells Zach he has a unibrow. Hot damn that brat can be hurtful.
Just to be sure we get a full understanding of just how dirty Bonanza City has gotten, CBS shows us some footage of the conditions. Very dodgy indeed. Quite depressing. Just when our spirits are low, CBS gives us a little Jared. You know what that means.... The Jared quote of the week. Unfortunately, this week's pick was rather easy, because Jared only had one real set of lines. But I have to say, it's not many kids who have one line in Kid Nation, and still make the most of it. This weeks line:
"I think that the environment, is a lot of times a sorry place...."
Reading it back the line doesn't seem all that funny, but for some reason I laugh whenever Jared opens his mouth. Something about his manner of speaking just kills me. I also laugh at everything Jared wears. Today's ensemble: a tye dyed shirt with a red long sleeve under it, and the classic Jared straw hat. I idolize him in all his confident outrageous wardrobe splendor. He's CBS's male version of Carrie Bradshaw.
The only thing funnier to me this week than seeing Jared and listening to him speak, was watching the little boy walking in the background as Jared spoke. I'm referring to the anonymous boy making his way over a puddle via a gigantic fork. Not gigantic fork as in a pitchfork, gigantic fork as in a massive eating utensil. What is that? Did I miss the showdown with the oversized dishware reward? I don't know for sure how it got to Bonanza City, but what I do know is that there's a starving Giant out there somewhere seated in front of an enormous meatball, who's really pissed off.
Kid Nation wouldn't be Kid Nation unless the Manipulation Handbook had its day in the sun. This week the MH is right on the money as usual, and predicts that Bonanza is smelly and that the Pioneers should dispose of the waste. Gag me. Zach steps up on his first day as new councilmember and suggests taking the trash far away from the center of town, digging a hole, and burying it. Ah, a page from the Tony Soprano waste management handbook... very clever.
I'll have you swimming with the fuckin fishes!
Guylan notices Zach doing big things on day one and is not to be outdone, so he-she suggests picking individual pioneers from each group to help with the waste management. The rest of the council agree. At this point 89% of the Kid Nation viewers are publicly saying what a blessing children are, but secretly hoping the council takes Taylor on the garbage mission. 5% of them hoping the council doesn't bring her back.
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Comments (13)
I wonder what's really going on in Bonanza. I believe Taylor hasn't done any work at all, and I believe the other kids are pissed off, but I think theres some creative editing going on.
There was a part where she said "I love you DK" only the words weren't actually coming out of her mouth because clearly the audio had been taken from later on after he wont the gold star.
That might explain where the little albino girl suddenly developed the power to think for herself and then it vanished again.
I think they edited her personality out cause its more fun to blame everything on Taylor.
1 of 13 | Posted by Dawn | Posted on October 25, 2007 8:59 PM
Great recap!! I loved the Jared quote and laughed hysterically with my husband and cousin (we watch KN religiously). I have to say that I agree with you about being the most adorable little thing in the world. What I love even more about him, is the fact that he either has clip-on sunglasses or those transition lenses.
During Taylor's many temper tantrums, I seriously wanted to jump through my screen and strangle her!! I lost count at how many times I said out loud "that little bitch!!"
2 of 13 | Posted by ebnoia | Posted on October 26, 2007 6:04 AM
Dr.McSteeny!!!! Awesome recap!!
This show is sooo good, i look forward to it more than any other show ever, but i look forward to the recap more than the show!!
1) That girl DOES look like a gorilla
2) Im rich beyotch(HILARIOUS)
3)The crying chain reaction after DK started crying
4)Taylor should have been buried outside of town
5)Cant wait to see what happens when she doesnt have money to buy sprite shots
6)Her parents must be the MOST awful enabling parents EVER!
I have never wanted to hurt/maim/kill a little kid.........until taylor. She needs some discipline,spanking,and a hard HARD kick to the A**!
Great work keep em coming!
3 of 13 | Posted by lloyd dobbler | Posted on October 26, 2007 7:47 AM
I actually felt something (other than revulsion) for Taylor when she cried at the idea of DK leaving. Of course, that scene could have been creative editing, too.
The kids continue to surprise. DK wanting to go home. Guy-man talking him out of it - without spilling the gold beans. Then DK's 180 attitude adjustment after he got the star (I can already hear the songs from the musical... "hard knock life" followed by "the sun will come up...")
Okay, Taylor is a frequent challenge, but I find it really hard to not like most of these kids.
4 of 13 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on October 26, 2007 5:10 PM
McSteeny, you are AWESOME. Thanks so much for the recaps. I really hate this show, but I look forward to your posts each week...they have me laughing out loud!
A couple of little tidbits:
The gorilla is a beauty queen as well. Leila is actually more advanced in the southern pageant circuit that Taylor if you can believe it. Her photoshopper is very skilled. McSteeny, if you'd like a sample,just email me. Guaranteed to make your skin crawl.
Harry Potter is a boy named Brett I believe. And where were those medics they claim to have? Poor Harry was left laying in the street (was that an artificial limb?). We've seen a few injuries now, along with the herpes, but no medical care. Are we still believing these kids were well taken care of???
And come now, people..do you REALLY think good ol' GuyMan didn't fess up to DK that there was $20,000 on the line? I love editing.
Oh yes, McSteeny, you heard right. Guylan's parents are elephant trainers. He actually does live in a zoo, and he is homeschooled. Guess they don't have him shovel out the dung though, or he would have been better at shoveling trash.
Last tidbit for the day: more than half of the Kid Nation cast are wannabe actors. 6 of them have agents, including our fabulous little beauty brat Taylor. Other actors in the group? DK, Guylan, Laurel...
But this is REALITY TV.
Thanks again McSteeny, you are my hero!
5 of 13 | Posted by fantom | Posted on October 26, 2007 8:35 PM
McSteeny, you are AWESOME. Thanks so much for the recaps. I really hate this show, but I look forward to your posts each week...they have me laughing out loud!
A couple of little tidbits:
The gorilla is a beauty queen as well. Leila is actually more advanced in the southern pageant circuit that Taylor if you can believe it. Her photoshopper is very skilled. McSteeny, if you'd like a sample,just email me. Guaranteed to make your skin crawl.
Harry Potter is a boy named Brett I believe. And where were those medics they claim to have? Poor Harry was left laying in the street (was that an artificial limb?). We've seen a few injuries now, along with the herpes, but no medical care. Are we still believing these kids were well taken care of???
And come now, people..do you REALLY think good ol' GuyMan didn't fess up to DK that there was $20,000 on the line? I love editing.
Oh yes, McSteeny, you heard right. Guylan's parents are elephant trainers. He actually does live in a zoo, and he is homeschooled. Guess they don't have him shovel out the dung though, or he would have been better at shoveling trash.
Last tidbit for the day: more than half of the Kid Nation cast are wannabe actors. 6 of them have agents, including our fabulous little beauty brat Taylor. Other actors in the group? DK, Guylan, Laurel...
But this is REALITY TV.
Thanks again McSteeny, you are my hero!
6 of 13 | Posted by fantom | Posted on October 26, 2007 8:36 PM
McSteeny, you are AWESOME. Thanks so much for the recaps. I really hate this show, but I look forward to your posts each week...they have me laughing out loud!
A couple of little tidbits:
The gorilla is a beauty queen as well. Leila is actually more advanced in the southern pageant circuit that Taylor if you can believe it. Her photoshopper is very skilled. McSteeny, if you'd like a sample,just email me. Guaranteed to make your skin crawl.
Harry Potter is a boy named Brett I believe. And where were those medics they claim to have? Poor Harry was left laying in the street (was that an artificial limb?). We've seen a few injuries now, along with the herpes, but no medical care. Are we still believing these kids were well taken care of???
And come now, people..do you REALLY think good ol' GuyMan didn't fess up to DK that there was $20,000 on the line? I love editing.
Oh yes, McSteeny, you heard right. Guylan's parents are elephant trainers. He actually does live in a zoo, and he is homeschooled. Guess they don't have him shovel out the dung though, or he would have been better at shoveling trash.
Last tidbit for the day: more than half of the Kid Nation cast are wannabe actors. 6 of them have agents, including our fabulous little beauty brat Taylor. Other actors in the group? DK, Guylan, Laurel...
But this is REALITY TV.
Thanks again McSteeny, you are my hero!
7 of 13 | Posted by fantom | Posted on October 26, 2007 8:40 PM
Taylor sucks! Mini-____.
Why didn't you comment on the preview for next week when Jared goes crazy. There were scenes of him saying "Screw you!" to someone and then knocking over tables and such.
8 of 13 | Posted by ReeseWitherspoon | Posted on October 27, 2007 5:06 PM
Fantom: You are officially undercover agent #1. See what else you can dig up. Thanks so much for the tidbits and the kind words! I cannot believe I heard correctly about Guylan the Zoodwelling Shemale. Ubelievable.
See you next week...
9 of 13 | Posted by McSteeny | Posted on October 29, 2007 6:45 AM
Fantom, thanks for pointing out that (for a reality show)there has a below average percentage of wanna-be actors.
Maybe for the spin off, they'll herd the parents together and call it "Stage Mom Nation".
10 of 13 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on October 29, 2007 11:37 AM
best recap i've run across by far! you're incredible. marry me!
it's sick, but i take so much joy in reading about how much people hate taylor. i wanna see someone lock her in a port-a-potty and tip it over.
11 of 13 | Posted by shesaid | Posted on October 29, 2007 1:30 PM
Shesaid,
That is the funniest vision EVER!!!! She belongs in feces. FECES!!!!
12 of 13 | Posted by ReeseWitherspoon | Posted on October 30, 2007 7:50 PM
Couple of things:
1. Lloyd Dobbler: thanks for the "awesome". I know how specific you are with your wording when it comes to your recap adjectives. :) So happy you're enjoying reading as much as I'm enjoying writing.
Reese: I was tempted to write about Jared and the previews, but wanted to wait till this week so I can dedicate a whole recap to him- he's been gone too long- he deserves it, yes?
She said: get the ring and it's a deal ;)
13 of 13 | Posted by McSteeny | Posted on October 31, 2007 1:08 PM