This week on Kid Nation, we finally get the Jared footage we've all been waiting for. Now if I can just figure out how to get him wrapped up and shipped to my house with my very own Bonanza City necklace we'll be all set...
We open with a girl named Divad selling snacks for money, which causes a lot of drama in Bonanza. This isn't the first time I've seen something like this cause controversy. Back in elementary school we used to call Divad's little idea a bake sale, and the hot ticket item was the break-and-bake cookies that someone's mom would send in, claiming she made from scratch. Everyone loved the bake sales until one year when somebody stole three dollars from the silver box they store the money in. I remember thinking they were conducting a thorough investigation, in search of the "cookie jar caper".
In hindsight, the "thorough investigation" was just Principal Fisher and Ms. Leader-the meanest math teacher to ever walk the halls of an elementary school, asking a harmless line of questions in the principals office, but at the time it felt like CTU and an interrogation kit.
Anyway, they never did fine the thief, and eventually everyone just sort of assumed the money was taken by the janitor, Spike, who was thought to be a little "off" in light of the fact that he called all the girls Sally and all the boys Mikey. The bad news is they banned bake sales for the rest of the year, until the culprit fessed up. The good news is that I never fessed up, and the trapper keeper I spent that three dollars on in the school store was worth every penny.
But enough about my troubled past Gasmi, let's discuss things that are relevant. Sophia's not the only one upset with Divad's bake sale. Jared's not happy with Divad having "an entire snacking monopoly," as he calls it. Then he says, "She needs a little competition. Do you see where I'm going here?" Jared, not only do I see where you're going, but you're officially the most fabulous thing ever. Everything you say is hysterical.
In order to put a stop to the "snack monopoly," Jared decides to start a competing snack shop. He's just about to get started when a little girl who apparently doubles as Divad's agent comes along to tell Jared it's a bad idea and suggest that Jared work directly for Divad. This girl is good. I'd like to see her and Ari in a head to head battle over Vince.
Talk to me when you're serious about negotiating
Jared tries to be patient as Divad's agent comes at him with a verbal assault. Ok fine, verbal assault is an exaggeration, but I get very defensive, and no body pushes my Jared around. Eventually Jared has had enough of the tongue lashing and says "You know what? Screw you." You tell her Jared!
As a side note, I'm very confused about the guidelines that govern permissible television cursing. Let's review, shall we? "Screw you" is clearly allowed, as Jared has clearly just demonstrated. So is "bitch", because Kelly Taylor called Brenda Walsh a bitch at the Peach Pit some time ago. "Fuck" and "dick" on the other hand, are not allowed, as has been made clear courtesy of the Real World Sydney. These are very fine lines. Where does it end? I don't have answers to these questions, but I'd imagine the writers of Family Guy do. Perhaps I'll check with them. Either way, if you ask me, it's all suspect.
Back to the point. After Jared's screw you, Jared starts dumping the contents of Divad's bake sale table on to the floor, and then proceeds to tip furniture over in what I'd guess is Jared's equivalent to a temper tantrum. Although I can't say "tantrum" is really the right word.
It was sort of like when a toddler wants some of the sandwhich you're eating, but you know he can't have it, so you try to trick him by handing him a cheerio assuming he won't know the difference, but he (of course) does know the difference, and so he throws the cheerio on the ground in disgust of both the cheerio, AND the fact that you've indirectly insulted his intelligence. It's more cute than tantrumy.
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Comments (14)
Funny recap of a GREAT show. So glad Taylor's screen time was kept at a minimum, and Jared's was at an all time high. I had to rewind the part when he was pimp walking with his new threads and he said, "Do you want my outfit?" or whatever it was to no one in particular... That kid is priceless.
Oh, are you serious about the cow pie thing? Where I'm from, that is another name for a cow patty...i.e. a big steaming cow poo. Maybe it's a southern thing, but I never knew it to be something edible.
1 of 14 | Posted by AUgal | Posted on November 2, 2007 8:30 PM
Hi all-
Sorry for the delay this week. Also, in case there is any confusion, an earlier version of my recap was posted on Friday, so if you read this Friday night and now it seems different, that's why.
Thanks!
McSteeny
P.S. AUgal- I was serious about the cow pies and have been cracking up ever since you told me what it actually means! Not exactly dessert :)
2 of 14 | Posted by McSteeny | Posted on November 3, 2007 11:31 AM
McSteeny...It's like you were in the room with me while I was watching this episode! I, too, surmised Divad's parents had wanted a boy but instead got a girl. Given her over-healthy self-esteem, however, they don't seem to mind the bait-and-switch, and must give her plenty of attention.
Why didn't anyone call Divad on re-selling them their own food??? She's taking community food from the kitchen and selling it back to them on the street, so she may be an entrepreneur, but her business is built on thievery.
Loved Jared's classic cowboy oil-skin coat...but what an odd thing for the General Store to stock.
I see someone already filled you in on what cow pies really are. Are you familiar with cow chip throwing contests?
One last thing: I e-mailed a photo for you to Flipit. It's of a business here in Massachusetts: a "phamacy." Yup. No "R" on the sign.
3 of 14 | Posted by cattyfan | Posted on November 3, 2007 11:56 AM
Absolutely FanTabulous Recap!!!
I cracked up at the tale of the bake sale caper in your youth. I snorted diet Pepsi through my nose when you caught me off guard by casually revealing yourself as the thief!
BA HA HA HA
I felt that same kinda there's-something-amiss-with-this-kid feeling about Divad. I CANNOT believe you did not slam her with the "I am voting for me, AGAIN" comment, when the town council asked for public input on who should get the gold star. Divad is a SHAMELESS self-promoter. Her self-esteem is WAY too high and she is WAY too vocal about it. I'm glad Nathan got the gold star, and he deserved it. Pharoah only started working when he knew there was something he could win, and Nathan, OCD or not, has been working from the get go, for the good of the whole town. I also took umbrage at Pharoah's "I need it the most"....how does he know that? AND, even if he does, it's not based on need but who works the hardest to earn it. Glad to see Kid Nation has Republican leanings. ;o)
4 of 14 | Posted by farrell100 | Posted on November 3, 2007 1:42 PM
Long time reader first time poster.... I had a tear down my face from laughing so hard at your Jarred pimping. Don't stop writing this, it's more entertaining than the actual show. I LOVE YOU.
5 of 14 | Posted by erintat | Posted on November 4, 2007 6:03 AM
Is it just me or does Sophia remind anyone else of a young Christy McNicol (think "Little Darlings")?
6 of 14 | Posted by sweetblondie | Posted on November 5, 2007 12:42 PM
Dear McSteeny,
I absolutely love this show and your recaps!!! I look forward to it every week and literally smile throughout reading the entire thing! I never really understood all the Jared hoo-ha until this episode, and now I want to kidnap him as well. This is really embarrasing but I don't care to admit it since everyone else here loves the show, but I watched this episode 3 times!!!! 20 days have passed and the trials and tribulations of Bonanza City are halfway over, so let's hope they give Jared some more screen time like this! Divad is absolutely ridiculous.. I just don't understand how skewed some people's perspectives are.. making signs for the gold star?!? Good to see Greg put her in her place.. I loved when she was like, "I do do work, I helped Jasmine with the laundry," then it quickly cut to who I assume is Jasmine with the most shocked expression she could possibly make!
7 of 14 | Posted by steez | Posted on November 5, 2007 3:37 PM
Dear McSteeny,
I absolutely love this show and your recaps!!! I look forward to it every week and literally smile throughout reading the entire thing! I never really understood all the Jared hoo-ha until this episode, and now I want to kidnap him as well. This is really embarrasing but I don't care to admit it since everyone else here loves the show, but I watched this episode 3 times!!!! 20 days have passed and the trials and tribulations of Bonanza City are halfway over, so let's hope they give Jared some more screen time like this! Divad is absolutely ridiculous.. I just don't understand how skewed some people's perspectives are.. making signs for the gold star?!? Good to see Greg put her in her place.. I loved when she was like, "I do do work, I helped Jasmine with the laundry," then it quickly cut to who I assume is Jasmine with the most shocked expression she could possibly make!
8 of 14 | Posted by steez | Posted on November 5, 2007 3:41 PM
Another fine recap.
My late father was the teacher in a one room country school. At recess, the 17 students would play softball in the cow pasture next door. Fielders had to memorize where all the "fresh" cow pie surprises were so they could run after a fly ball without stepping on a fragrant pie mine.
9 of 14 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on November 6, 2007 11:52 AM
Apparently everyone in the world knows what cow pies are but me. Oh well, that's what I get for being a city slicker. My knowledge of cows is medium well with a side of fries.
Cattyfan: needless to say, I'm unfamiliar with cow chip throwing contests, but must admit that I am intrigued. Never got the email from Flipit, I will pester him to send it to me- too funny. (PS love your recaps too!)
Thanks for the positive comments guys, means a ton!
10 of 14 | Posted by McSteeny | Posted on November 6, 2007 1:33 PM
Great recap! I was so glad to see so little of Taylor. That was getting so old. Jared is a goldmine of comedy. Love him.
Greg's problem is most likely hormones. He's at that age. Like a cross between a Tazmanian Devil and a young Leif Garrett. Drama is to be expected!
11 of 14 | Posted by CheriesTake | Posted on November 6, 2007 8:46 PM
OK, I just heard of this website with the demise of the TV Guide blog on Kid Nation and I have to say that I have really been missing something. Love me some David Steed, but McSteeny, you are flippin' hilarious.
Although you aren't going to like me for this, I really think Jared is a really weird kid. I don't think I could spend much time with him before I went apeshit on his butt.
Ok, I'm off to read the archives of all your Kid Nations blogs I've missed. Dang, I hope the boss doesn't hear my snorts and guffaws...
12 of 14 | Posted by Splotchie | Posted on November 8, 2007 8:00 AM
Just love the comments and the blog and can not wait to see what you post this week.
13 of 14 | Posted by kn2007jared | Posted on November 9, 2007 8:49 PM
Someone should ask Nathan if he still wants to eat lunch with Matt Montini. (A friend of mine used to always use the name Matt Montini when he didn't want to give his real name!)
I agree about Mike, too. I actually like him since he was stripped of power. Taylor has been tolerable, too. I am hating Divad now. I laughed when I heard potato grease burned her azz.
14 of 14 | Posted by ReeseWitherspoon | Posted on November 13, 2007 7:51 PM