Kid Nation: I'm not cut out for this

Kidnlogo

Welcome to Kid Nation: Population 41. Plus camera men. Kid Nation is the land of the free and the home of the pubescent. The children's task: rebuild Bonanza New Mexico without the help of adults. And try not to cry about it. (Good luck). Sounds like a good TV idea right? Wrong. So far the show is like a terrible romantic comedy: the only good parts are the previews.

I have a better idea. The 40 Pioneers are supervised by our host, Jonathan Karsh. For the next 40 days this guy's going to do nothing but hang out with kids 15 and under and a couple camera men. Can't we get a reality show full of this guy's off-camera sexually frustrated rants and call it "40 bitter days and 40 lonely nights"? I'd much rather recap that.

It's not that the first episode of Kid Nation was TERRIBLE, per se. It just left something to be desired: something I like to call "being worth watching". I'd call it lackluster at best. All this hype and then you finally sit down to watch it and think- that's it? Think Britney's VMA performance. Minus the beer belly.

We head into Kid Nation via school bus. At first all the Pioneers look a little nervous and pensive. Don't worry guys, when the guy from CBS puts down the cue card that says "look away and think hard," things will get better.

Kidsbus
Aaaaaaaaand Action!

When the children arrive in Bonanza, they are greeted by Host Jonathan and told that there are four additional Pioneers. These Pioneers will be the town Council. Basically, they are in charge. The Council is flown into town by helicopter. VIP already. Great. That won't cause any hostility. In addition to Taylor and Anjay, who I introduced in my preview, the remaining two Counsil members are Laurel and Mike. Mike is 11 and I can already tell he's on a power trip.

Mikepowertrip
Kiss the ring, bitches!

Luckily, I'm not the only one who recognizes Mike's power trip issues. Greg can see them, too. More on that later though. First let's talk about the final Counsil member, Laurel. Laurel is from Boston, terrible accent and all. She appears to be a natural leader and a caretaker. Despite my wanting to despise her in all her Bostoness, I cannot. She's far too cool. God dammit.

Laurelgreat
Please help me hate you.

After meeting the Council, the Pioneers are told they will have to push 40 days worth of supplies into the town on wagons. Cue child labor suits. The children are none to happy about pushing the wagons. Our oddest Pioneer, Jared is particularly confused about it. Probably because his mom never mentioned the wagon-pushing events when she told him he was going to "sleep-away camp."

Sleepawaycamp
Does this mean no campfire songs?

Let's talk about Jared. It's not that Jared is odd. No no, he's a total effing weirdo. I'm sorry, but he is. You know the type: those really screwy little kids. The ones who are always off in their own worlds and making weird noises and rolling around on the floor at naptime with their tongues out. That's Jared. During episode one, he spent a considerable amount of time chasing around chickens. By himself of course. In all his oddity though, I have to say, Jared makes me laugh. For a little fun, I've decided to do a Jared quote of the week. This weeks quote (while staring at a porto-potty): "I hope I don't have to take a poo."

Before the Pioneers leave, host Josh asks to speak to the Council privately. In the VIP meeting, Josh tells the them that each week they will give out a gold star to the Pioneer they think has done the best job that week. The gold star is worth it's weight in gold: $20,000.00. Flash to Mike twisting his mustache and shouting "HAHAHA, now they must all do as I say!!"

Goldstarbs
We call this little gem the ass kissing award.

Along the way, DK, one of the Pioneers, gets a cramp in his leg and falls down. Is THIS the quote unquote leg injury we heard so much about? Ridiculous. Who started these alleged controversies? CBS perhaps? Greg is the first to help DK out by picking him up and putting him onto one of the wagons so he can rest. Aw. Greg's so nice.

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Comments (22)

CheriesTake:

Great recap,
I loved little Jimmy, very sad to see him go. Mike is a school shooting waiting to happen. And this show will hopefully get better. Laurel makes me want to stuff cotton in my ears but she's a nurturing little thing so I'm with ya wanting her to do something so I can rag on her, a little. They are children and it's a little tough to do. Good luck recapping if it doesn't pick up.

jampony:

I really liked this show a lot; too bad you didn't. Maybe you can switch recapping duties with someone who enjoyed it.

Uncle Hank:

Your review was only fair but your preview showed the quality of your thinking. You picked out 15 kid as standouts. You got 6 right, that's less than half, and 2 were no brainers as they were on the council. Count another one out because no one can not fall in love with Jimmy. It's a shame the coin didn't land on it's edge!

angiedi70:

I went into this show knowing the critics wanted me to hate it because of all that stupid controversy.

I LOVED it. Ok, maybe LOVE is too strong of a word. Really liked..let's go with that.

I liked the kids and can't bring myself to make fun of any of them. It must be the mom in me. How could anyone not love little Jimmy. I was hoping he'd stay, but he was so sad he needed to go home.

I also really like Sophia, the girl who won the star. She has more leadership in her left pinkie toe than the entire council put together.

Anyway, I'll be watching and hoping for some great recaps here at the 'gasm.

gigglesgirlee:

Can page numbers also be added to the bottom of pages? I don't like that we have to scroll back to the top to go to the next page.

gigglesgirlee:

Can page numbers also be added to the bottom of pages? I don't like that we have to scroll back to the top to go to the next page.

lloyd dobbler:

Dr.McSteeny!!! This show was somewhat not living up to the hype, but almost no show does, but taylor, jared they were comic gold! You can already see the show setting up strife by dividing them into classes and the pay levels, its like a mini-cosm of society. Looking forward to what happens next week, and am i the only one suprised they took the extra out-houses instead of the tv?

talma63:

OK, I declined to watch the show and came to read the recap to see what it was about. Glad I missed the ep. I won't be around to watch this crap. This is a stupid concept and CBS done fucked it up. And, for the love of Mike, the word is Council, not Counsil.

CheriesTake:

Come on people, it's the first episode. I think Dr.McSteeny did a great job with what there was to recap. I thought it was funny and well done!

carol:

This show was okay but I still don't get the point. Okay, so the kids have to live in the city for 40 days, but what do they get at the end except 15 minutes? I'm I the only one that thinks there was a bit of magic CBS editing involved in the gold star giving. Unless, CBS saw what Sophia was doing in the kitchen and already set up the film crew at her moms house, so she had to win the star.

The part about the tv vs 7 more porta potties was skipped. Mike actually wanted the tv. The three other kids looked at him like he was crazy, it was great. This show isn't bad but it could have been so much better. Hopefully it will get better if it does not get cancelled.

uglycutie:

PEOPLE, PEOPLE!! Look we are all here for one reason. It is to critisize the fuck of out this show and have a good time doing it. Let's not argue. We have to show the world that 'gasmers can get along and be civil.

Okay, where's my 20 grand?

Seriously, I really enjoyed this show. These kids show way more maturity than anyone on Big Brother, Real World, The Hills...put together. Even Greg is kinda alright. I like how you can tell just how each one of them will be in the future. It's the real personalities they don't show when they're around other adults.

Hope this show isn't canceled. And I LOOOOOVED Jimmy. I wished someone would have hugged him tight. I was just aching to craddle little sobbing Jimmy. But as someone posted, it may just be the mom in me.

giffordsaz:

Okay, I am with jampony here, you HAVE to like this show... there is so much material here.. a veriable bank of nuts and geeks. You have to step up to the plate, pull up your socks, tuck your shirt in adn recap your ass off.... we deserve it.

And why are the page turners only at the top of the page? Do I ned to write you a letter kronus?

Seriously this episode was so full of 'stuff' I want to rewrite for you here hun.... This shoe rocks and I hope you get there with us...

Michael was robbed and He showed himself to be a natural leader the first time he opened his mouth....
Mike.... bot better watch out...

AND THE PREVIEWS.....
OMG they held another paragragh to recap!!!

galateasca:

The best thing about this show is honestly, Jared. Come on, you gotta love a kid who is out of the box! I love the idea that you are coming up with a Jared quote of the week. Maybe we should make t-shirts, like Napoleon Dynamite??

I will miss little Jimmy though. He was just a little young to be doing this.

McSteeny:

ok ok, it wasn't as bad as I made it sound. Jared and Taylor are fab, and I truly think the whole concept is interesting. I was just a little disappointed because I was expecting greatness and beyond. I'm still hoping to be won over next week and throughout the rest of the season. I haven't lost hope!

Uncle Hank- let me assure you that I am sincere when I say that I welcome all feedback, including negative. Everyone is entitled to their opinion even if that means not enjoying my recaps. That being said, I want to make it clear that: 1) my predictions in my preview were predictions as to who would be key players throughout the ENTIRE SEASON, not just episode one. Let's get passed the second episode before we start calculating how far off I was in my guessing. And 2) Even if it turns out I was totally off in my predictions (which I probably will be), try to remember I'm here to recap, not predict the future. I'll happily accept negative comments, but be fair about it: criticize my writing, not my psychic abilities.

I'm going to give the show and recap another shot, and if I don't like it, I promise to offer it up to someone who does. I AM here to mock the show though, just keep that in mind!

Hope to revamp my rep next week!

Krizzatch [TypeKey Profile Page]:

McSteeny, I thought your recap was great - the vision of Jared chasing chickens around alone had me spurting tears of laughter. I thought you did a great job and really hope you keep it up! It's hard making fun of kids (which you touched on during your preview article) and I thought you toed the line between "much" and "too much" perfectly.

I'm totally on Team Laurel. She's just so freakin' articulate and caring and wonderful. At first glance I was hatin' on the red-headed demon, but now I want to dress all in green and fund her college education.

CornflakeGirl70:

McSteeny! Shaz, here. I probably wouldn't even give this show the wrong time of day, but when I saw you were recapping it, I had to read this. Mike has bangs that look like Jack-O-Lantern bit them off...what the heck?!? Best recap line? "Mike chose red, because it's the color of power...and Nazis". Pure McSteeny Gold!!!

Looking forward to reading your recaps, and of coursem "Scott Baio" season 2!

mysteryguest73:

McSteeny, the only thing I didn't like about this recap was your apology for it. Stand by your writing, it's hilarious! You don't have to love the show to recap it, just be funny about it. No revamp necessary.

ramona7:

thank you for the highly amusing recap. i'm intrigued by the show but don't want to actually bother watching it, and you've effectively solved that problem for me. this first one is a shade beyond priceless - please keep 'em coming.

Pegster:

It's more fun when grown-ups cry.

Tristen:

I actually enjoyed the show, but I enjoyed your recap more.

I'm not sure how much longer I can listen to Laurel's awful Boston accent though.

fire@will:

Loved it... for many of the same reasons I love watching Little League Baseball over MLB, or the special Olympics over the "real" thing. For the most part, the kids display real emotions. They still have their ideals, hopes and dreams. Any adult can identify with what they are going through... we've all been through it. I understand your confusion about Greg - but I think he is pretty good for a 15 year old. Will miss Jimmy, too. Liked the porta-potty vs TV debate - was not sure which would prevail (but the idea of 40 kids on one outhouse would have killed me at that age.) Impressed that the Council chose Sophia even after they ripped her in public (how many adults would have had that much character?).
BTW - Yer doin' a FINE job.

fire@will:

Loved it for the same reasons I love Little League Baseball (over the "real" thing). For the most part, the kids show genuine emotions and feelings, they still have their high ideals, dreams and hopes, and it is easy to personally identify with most of the pressures they are feeling. I find it inspirational how they pull together.

Greg seems more good than bad - pretty okay kid for a 15 year old boy. Mike is a bit full of himself, but also a good kid.

Gonna miss the heck out of Jimmy.

Fear that them now knowing about the $20 star is going to diminish the genuine.

Loved the TV vs outhouse debate.

Great recap!

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