This week we're faced with a very lopsided Bonanza city. The teams aren't fairly divided, and almost all the gold star winners have been from the Green District. Actually, that's beyond lopsided. That makes Tori Spelling's first set of fake titties look even.
No easy task
In addition to the seemingly unfair team structure, some of the districts are facing personality clashes between their members. CBS tells the Council they have to mix up the districts. Zach and Guylan are happy because their districts are the youngest and could use a little help, but for Anjay and Laurel giving up a player would be a sacrifice. Eventually Anjay gives in and decides the greater good matters more than the individuals, so he agrees to lose a team member. Congratulations Anjay, you've just fucked yourself. Call PeeWee Herman, perhaps he knows how to recover from such a thing.
At the first commercial break, I call Dex to find out what he thinks about this whole "shake up" of the districts, but he tells me he can't talk right now, he's busy making a list of the Top Ten Hottest Asses in Bonanza City. I wish I was kidding. I hang up before he finishes reciting his list, but I can tell you that Sophia was number 6. Good for you Dex. If they can cut their own food, they're fair game. I'll write you in prison.
Back in the Nation, the council has to decide on some trades. So they go to the same place I go when I have to make my biggest decisions: the bar. Little bit of talking, couple sprite shots, and one or two games of rock, paper, scissors later, here are the switches: Guylan takes Nathan to red, Zach takes Blaine to yellow, Anjay takes Emilie to Blue, and Laurel just plain old refuses to switch at all. Very selfish of her, I have to say. Naught faya Laurel. Naught faya.
In reality, one would think this is actually a smart move on Laurel's part. After all, she can't get the gold star either way, and the only people who can get her off council are her own district members. So as long as she's keeping team Green happy she's all set, right? Right? More on that later.
When the Council tells the Pioneers about the changes, it doesn't go over all that well. Immediately Greg starts blocking Blaine as if to suggest, "you can't take him from me." Hmmm. Is Dr. McSteeny detecting a bit of an attachment disorder Greggie? Call my receptionist and schedule an appointment, perhaps we can discuss this before we delve into that schizophrenia of yours.
First Guylan announces that Nathan will be joining the red team. Nathan is unhappy because "blue is his favorite color, not red." Oh, that's so sad. Know what my favorite color is Nathan? GrabARedFuckingBandanaAndSitDown. It's the new black.
Next Emilie gets moved to blue. That Emilie is going through a bad phase. Something's not right. She hasn't been the same since Greg chopped her best chicken friend's head off and Sophia made soup out of him. Don't worry honey. Before you know it, this will all be over and you'll go back to the good old days when you and your goats got into your jammies on the weekend and played Little Mermaid.
It's just not the same here. This dinglehopper is for shit
Next Zack has to pull out the Jaws of Life and drag Blaine away from Greg. Blaine actually handles the whole thing pretty well. He tells us Greg is his best friend, but he knows he has to do the right thing, and in a way it's good because he can finally get out of Greg's shadow. Better than that Blainie, it will stop Greg from trying to spoon with you in your sleeping bag too.
Blaine gets up to grab his yellow bandana and Greg yells, "They'll always be blue in your blood!" And not in a loyal companion BFF sort of way. In an angry, remember-that-time-I-cut-my-finger-and-then-made-you-cut-your-finger-and-we-rubbed-our-bloody-fingers-together-and-I-told-you-we-were-blood-brothers-for-life?-Yeah-I-was-serious-about-that, sort of way. I'm sure living in Florida's been fun and all Blaine, but like it not not, you're moving to Nevada with Greg. Hope you like the desert. And I hope you like wearing "I went to Bonanza City and all I got was this fucking gay boyfriend" t-shits too.
Back at the Club Red Hotel Resort and Spa (Trannies Welcome) Guylan is getting a lot of crap about his-her decision to take Nathan onto Red. Nathan's not happy because the red bunks are dusty, and he's "allegeric to dust mites." And by "allergic to dustmites" he means that shemales make his eyes water.
« Friday Night Lights: Show Us Your Lady Udders! | | Prison Break: Episode 8! Er, I Mean, "Fall Finale!" »
Comments (21)
Great recap, had me giggling a few times there!! I just had to say that you missed a couple of apologies there (I've never seen so many kids apologizing for things that they do). Sophia did apologize to Guyland for whatever it was that she had said and Mike apologized to Nathan for the way he treated him when he came over to the red team. Mike actually used the words "in hindsight", what kid talks that way? I was glad that Blaine is finally out of Greg's shadow. I never had even heard him speak or get credit for anything when he was with Greg. Oh, and I hope that Michael takes over Laurel's spot on the council. I was surprised when they asked if the council was doing a great job and a few of them called out that Laurel was selfish because she didn't break up her district. Jared and Nathan are getting more coo-coo as time goes on. They are both strange kids at times.
1 of 21 | Posted by featherhead | Posted on November 16, 2007 4:30 AM
The way that Michael speaks aggravates me greatly.
2 of 21 | Posted by Merick | Posted on November 16, 2007 5:46 AM
Wow, what a fabulous recap!! And i was totally right there with you...I was like...isn't she 12? But maybe Greg has little sister's or something?
I thought it was very unfair of Laurel to not trade and the Manipulation Handbook should have said it was a requirement. That was very selfish and very un-Laurel of her. I was shocked. I think Michael deserves some time in the spotlight...I think the whole council is about to get thrown over!
God I love this show...I started thinking, omg only 12 days left...its over soon....and my next thought was...hope they have a reunion show..real world style...
3 of 21 | Posted by Shelley | Posted on November 16, 2007 5:59 AM
Wow, what a fabulous recap!! And i was totally right there with you...I was like...isn't she 12? But maybe Greg has little sister's or something?
I thought it was very unfair of Laurel to not trade and the Manipulation Handbook should have said it was a requirement. That was very selfish and very un-Laurel of her. I was shocked. I think Michael deserves some time in the spotlight...I think the whole council is about to get thrown over!
God I love this show...I started thinking, omg only 12 days left...its over soon....and my next thought was...hope they have a reunion show..real world style...
4 of 21 | Posted by Shelley | Posted on November 16, 2007 6:06 AM
Yippee! Dr. McSteeny, that recap was truly one of your finest! I just about choked on your comments regarding Dexter and his list. So funny!
When Greg did that whole carry Randi (tee-hee, Randi!) to bed thingy...legs wrapped around him, I was creeped out. I turned to my kids (ages 12 and 14) and said "Ew! That is weird!!!" Something about him is very strange...and yes, I too, giggled at Greg not wanting to lose his Blainey-Bear.
So many pricless moments...Jared IS getting stranger and stranger....the dildo comment was hilarious.
Please, please, please, when this show is over, find another show I watch to recap!! You are too good to not read weekly!
5 of 21 | Posted by KikiC | Posted on November 16, 2007 6:36 AM
i think the new council will be as follows laurel,greg blaine and dk also i have to agree it is a little weird with greg and randi
6 of 21 | Posted by warof7 | Posted on November 16, 2007 7:36 AM
i think the new council will be as follows laurel,greg blaine and dk also i have to agree it is a little weird with greg and randi
7 of 21 | Posted by warof7 | Posted on November 16, 2007 7:41 AM
And I hope you like wearing "I went to Bonanza City and all I got was this fucking gay boyfriend" t-shits too.
Best. Typo. Ever.
I want one of those t-shits, for sure!
Dr. McSteeny, I love your recaps!
8 of 21 | Posted by LonnaSaur | Posted on November 16, 2007 7:53 AM
OMG, that was a great recap! completely irreverent and I love it.
It was a bit strange for Greg to put Randi to bed, but I don't think he meant anything sexual in it.
Your friend Dex is a total perv! LOL.
My absolute favorite part of the show last night was Greg dragging his sleeping bag into the yellow bunkhouse. Whatever will he do 12 days from now when he has to go home?
9 of 21 | Posted by splotchie | Posted on November 16, 2007 8:54 AM
Of course Greg doesn't have a thing for Randi. He was just being a big brother type. Anyway, he's only got eyes for Blaine.
10 of 21 | Posted by saabotage | Posted on November 16, 2007 12:43 PM
I kind of relate to Greg in a way.
I loved picking on and beating up my younger brother but Lord help anyone else that tried!!
So yes, anger issues, but I believe his heart is in the right place...just lacks some discipline.
And I didn't pick up any sexual vibes at all with the Randi-Carry.
Does Sophia remind anyone else of a young Christy McNicol (think Little Darlings). I've started to refer to her as "Angel. Don't let the name fool you." (oh man, I'm gonna feel old if nobody knows what I'm talking about).
11 of 21 | Posted by sweetblondie | Posted on November 16, 2007 1:30 PM
I thought it was funny that Nathan was cleaning the jars in the Saloon and I forgot who it was, but they said 'didn't you clean those jars already?' I don't know what Nathan said. But I thought it was funny. And I was thinking....he really does have OCD, doesn't he?
Does anyone remember what Nathan said? Maybe I'll have to watch it again online.
12 of 21 | Posted by jozeyg | Posted on November 16, 2007 1:30 PM
We have another winner (recap)!
I was expecting a full pick new teams thing. Not just a single trade.
Thought the cup 'n carry was inappropriate, but don't assume Greg meant it that way.
I have been chided as a sexist for saying I would never let any teenage boy babysit my kids, but I stand by it. That does not mean I think every boy would do something wrong.
Dex sounds - wrong. Please don't let him babysit (or walk your dog).
Maybe Michael wants Laurel off the council so she can get a gold star?
Sweetblondie - I agree saw that too, but didn't realize I saw it until I read what you wrote.
13 of 21 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on November 16, 2007 2:22 PM
I love how every single person running for town council already has a gold star...
Laurel should get her ass demoted so she could win one!
Heh heh heh... t-shit.
14 of 21 | Posted by redhaiku | Posted on November 16, 2007 6:06 PM
Best Recap Eva!
I have to say, I read recaps for several programs on TVGasm. When I play catch up like I did tonight, and consecutively read several recaps written by several authors, it becomes even more apparent...Dr. McSteeny, YOU RULE. Hands down, the premier wit and a cut above the rest.
Sweetblondie....I can see where you are making the Kristy MacNichol comparison (and thus join you in potentially be labeled OLD). But Kristy gave off the gay vibe from a very early age, even when acting in a decidedly "straight" role, like in "Little Darlings". I don't get a gay vibe from Sophia. Maybe that's why I see less of a resemblence between them.
I sincerely hope they do a Reunion/Meet the Parents show. I am DYING TO SEE who beget the demon spawn know as Taylor!
15 of 21 | Posted by Farrell100 | Posted on November 16, 2007 6:56 PM
For the first time this season, Laurel really got on my nerves...and that evil glare she sent Michael's way when he said he wanted to run against her? AWESOME! I can't wait until next week!
Here's hoping for a complete turnover on the council!
16 of 21 | Posted by ThisShowRocks! | Posted on November 16, 2007 9:22 PM
Laurel WAS being really selfish and it surprised me. I have to say this, though. Even though most of the green team has won gold stars, didn't they just win upper class an episode ago. They SUCKED at challenges. Those first-graders over on the yellow team did better.
I wish people would get off of Anjay's back. The poor kid is really trying. I feel bad for the little poppet. And Olivia needs to quit. I remember when people were talking about how religious both Olivia and Mallory were. Olivia does not act very "Jesus" like. She needs to check her p*ssy and not be so mean. Either that or don't talk about what a good Christian you are. Can't have you cake and eat it, too, crotch.
17 of 21 | Posted by ReeseWitherspoon | Posted on November 16, 2007 10:31 PM
Sophia is WAY more Tatum O'Neal than Kristi McNichol.
Google the images from Little Darlings for proof.
18 of 21 | Posted by cattyfan | Posted on November 17, 2007 7:26 PM
Hi All-
Thanks so much for the positive feedback. I highly enjoyed this episode, glad you all did too.
Farrell100 a special thanks to you for your exceptionally kind words. While I find myself undeserving, I can assure you I will take them!
T-shits typo: Didn't even didn't notice it until LonnaSaur pointed it out. :) Hysterical!
As always, so grateful to my readers...
-McSteeny
PS- Although odd, I don't really think Greg meant anything bad by the Randi carry, but there was no way I couldn't take that and run with it!
19 of 21 | Posted by McSteeny | Posted on November 19, 2007 10:11 AM
Great job, again, McSteeny!!! I love to read your updates, they make me laugh my a$$ off!
How can it be that you've failed to mention poor Emilie's dreadlocks? I thought it was weirder when Greg laid on top of Sophia than when he carried Randi to bed, but that was still weird, too. They must have started giving the kids Abreva a couple weeks ago, cuz they all seem herpe-free these days. Looking forward to your next update!
20 of 21 | Posted by Happy Hippie | Posted on November 23, 2007 6:52 AM
McSteeny is da shiet! Definitely the best recapper here!! Ok, now several points to make:
Greg-Randi thing definitely weird. Not so much the carrying her as the 1 cm away from the face thing. I think he likes the idea of being the older, supposed heart throb of Bonanza City (although me thinks his braceface is detestable) and wants the younguns to swoon.
Greg-Blaine gay duo = hilarity that lasts a lifetime! I definitely think Greg has attachment issues.. he totally only ran for council once he saw Blaine was. He will make any attempt to get in close contact since Anjay cast his love away from his bedside.
And for my last comment on Greg, since I loathe him so much yet can't stop commenting b/c he brings drama to Bonanza city, is to get over the Asshole/Apologize syndrome. Be an asshole, apologize, be an asshole, apologize. My bf and I have come to the conclusion that he gets this from his daddy: beat wife, apologize, drunken stupor, apologize. Too harsh? ok I'll stop.
p.s. laurel is making her way to the dark side..
21 of 21 | Posted by steez | Posted on November 26, 2007 3:00 PM