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She seems confused by Gordo's sweetness. He asks her how she hasn't become the next Sandra Bullock yet, where she found lipstick that bright, and if the calamari the busboy just brought is fresh. She is giggling so much at the first two questions that she forgets to lie.

"Frozen! I was so up for Premonition but they told me I was too real!"

Now Ramsay knows Sebastian is officially full of shit. Does the guy think the camera crew's not gonna walk into the FREEZER?? When Sonja comes to check on Gordo, he asks for a sick bag. She's all like um okaaaay and goes back to the kitchen to gleefully relay the diss to Sebastian, who tells her just to say yes sir and walk away. She replies uuuum like I guess okaaaaay. Then she tells the cameras Gordo wanted a puke bag and she couldn't think of anything to say so she was all like umm okaaaay. I see a long future in the Royal Shakespeare company for this girl.

Sebastian is riled. He knows Ramsay's a pro and everything, but saying he wanted to barf? Not cool. He looks for assurance from the teenager he has working as a chef, but the kid just shrugs, knowing that a wrong answer could be a rolling pin to the head. Sebastian decides to really focus and make sure the rest of the meal is pitch perfect. No, he doesn't. He runs to his office and calls his parents. His mom, who's still alive after all and talks like she's in the middle of lung bingeing a carton of Marlboro Reds, can't believe that Gordon doesn't like the food! Poor widdle baby! Cough hack cough. She passes the phone off to the dad, who gruffly suggests Sebastian kick Gordo out on his ass. Trees grow from seeds, people. Somehow, this horribly dysfunctional family time inspires Sebastian with a new tactic.

He comes back into the kitchen and instructs Sonja to take the strip steak to the table and enthusiastically proclaim, "as Sebastian's mother would say, MANGIA!" She has to repeat the word a couple times to get it right and works up the nerve to say an actual line on camera. She walks to the table, drops the plate, and throws her hands up in the air. "AS SEBASTIAN'S MOTHER WOULD SAY MANJUH". Then she runs away, giggling. A PA points her back to the table. Woops. Forgot silverware. She brings a roll over and giggles and uuummmms and apologizes and he tells her to relax. She got the part. Awkward Giggling Projecting Waitress, this is your now.

Gordo can barely eat the meat, which looks like a plate of sopping wet Gravy Train, and he doesn't even bother to taste the French fries doused in brown slime. I kind of feel bad for Ramsay, having to eat crap week after week, but I feel sorrier for Sebastian's baby. No child should have to grow up like this.

Can't breast feed forever.

Ramsay pulls Sebastian aside and gives him a supportive pep talk. He hopes the chef can act because his can't cook for shit. Sebastian goes into an almost catatonic state of shock. Gordo gives him a moment to take that in and then asks why he lied about the calamari. "Because I'm not a four star restaurant!" Umkay. How can you use frozen dough for your supposedly famous pizza? Sebastian corrects him. He's not famous for pizza, he's famous for his "concept", you know, the one that Ramsay's too dense to wrap his highlights around. After Gordo curses and yells, Sebastian informs him that the pizzas he's not known for are going to be in grocery stores everywhere and he is going to franchise his restaurant all over the world and call it, wait for it, Sebastian's All Over The World. Ramsay shouts DELUSIONAL FAT F**KER and leaves for a breath of fresh air.

Sebastian goes back to the kitchen and high fives everyone. "I won that one!" Gordo comes back just in time to hear that and tries to explain to him that he's won nothing and is pathetic and certifiable, and Sebastian uses my favorite argument. You are! Seeing that screaming and cursing aren't working, Ramsay starts talking very slowly and quietly, asking what about the empty restaurant signifies success to Sebastian. Well, his wife keeps giving him money so he must be doing something right. Ramsay shakes his hand and peaces out. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it swallow it's lithium. As Gordo leaves flabbergasted, Sebastian throws his arms up in victory. "I won that one!"

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Posted in Kitchen Nightmares by Flipit at 6:52 PM | Permalink | Comments (8)
Last Comment: Donna Martin Graduates! on Nov 13, 2007 03:51 PM.