Testimonials

The "Spring Roll" comes out and Gordo stares in WTF shock for a minute, because it looks like a salami wrapped in filo dough and deep fried. Ah, turns out it's corned beef and cabbage. Yikes. He dares to take a couple of bites and asks Melissa why she acted like he was being named America's Most Smartest Model for ordering this dish. She maintains that it's a customer favorite, and he says they're lucky to have a bunch of drunks as customers. Hey! Don't be bigoted against drunks, man! That's a low blow.

Bad Son is absolutely stunned when Melissa tells him Gordo hated his first meal. He paces back and forth, trying to figure out where he went wrong. Ball scratch nervous giggle wide eyed lost in the desert look. Maybe Chef'll like the salmon! He doesn't. What's that brown crap all over it? Melissa says that Bad Son insists on using balsamic vinegar drizzle on everything, and Gordo says that's the sign of a hack and makes her promise not to let Bad Son put balsamic vinegar on his shepherd's pie. You sure about that, buddy? You'll need all the distraction you can get.

When did I have peas?

When Melissa delivers the request, Bad Son shakes his head incredulously and says "Oooh! Do I dare?" Oh, man. This kid is gonna get his ass kicked. He sends out the final dish and before Melissa even drops it at the table, Buddy knows they're screwed. "He doesn't even like the watuh!" HAHA, Buddy.

Gordo pokes at the shepherd pie and it oozes grease. He takes a couple of bites and then asks where the toilet is. Buddy tells him and watches him run off. Did he not like the pie? Did he just have to pee? Sounds of Gordo puking up his guts reverberate through the restaurant. "Is he throwing up?" Sounds of Gordo giving violent birth through his mouth reverberate through the restaurant. "Maybe he's just freshening up." Sounds of Gordo's insides turning themselves inside out reverberate through the restaurant. Melissa says she thinks something made Ramsay sick. Ya think? Sounds of cows being slaughtered reve....you get the idea.

When we come back from commercial, the sound effects of Gordo hurling are still on a loop. He goes into the kitchen to school Bad Son. The Shepard's pie was a disgrace and tasted like cough syrup. Bad Son's like whatever, I learned that from a guy who learned it from a guy who went to Ireland. Umkay, the salmon was so overcooked it could have been a can of tuna and the Spring Roll could be taken as a racist slur on Asian people everywhere. WHATEVER. Bad Son's a badass and Gordon doesn't know what he's talking about. Come on, Bad Son. Don't make FOX play the barfing sound effect again.

Gordo wants to find out what McCool's rep is in the town, so he goes straight to the "fingers on the pulse of the community". These guys:

Firemen: The movers and shakers of Westhampton.

He asks the firemen what they think of McCool's and they look scared. Buddy was in the force, and those guys stick together. No one likes a rat! Finally, one of them bravely mumbles "a lot of fried stuff?" Ok, so they hate it. Gordo invites them all to come give it another try tonight on him. Sound of bread rising. He adds that they will receive a gift certificate to the Home Depot and they'll be on TV. Sound of mist forming. Geez, McCool's really sucks it.

Gordo gets back to restaurant for a kitchen inspection and finds out just how bad it is. I am sure it gets old hearing nasty food being described week after week, so instead of trying to think of ten different ways I can say something looks like poop or dead people, I have put together a montage for you. Imagine "Pink Cadillac" playing in the background and come up with your own ways to compare these dishes to poop or dead people. Leave your answers in the comments section. Winner gets an all expense paid trip to Europe (or a Milky Way and a bag of Cheetos, depending on what's lying around the office).

What's for dinner?

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Posted in Kitchen Nightmares by Flipit at 9:40 PM | Permalink | Comments (14)
Last Comment: dingfriesaredone on Nov 22, 2007 10:32 PM.