Gordo sits down to order, and the first thing he notices is that nothing on the menu is spelled right. He asks Tabitha what "shivas" means and she looks at him like "it's ok, you're a foreigner" and answers "chives." Duh. He orders a small bowl of tomato basil soup to start, followed by the skrimp nachos...sorry. No skrimp. Want chikin instead? How bout skrimp cocktail? Nope. No skrimp. How bout skrimp pizza? Nope. Skrimp salad? NO. Skrimp kabob? DAMMIT FIVE YEAR OLD, NO SKRIMP!
Fine! He'll follow the soup with sammin. No sammin. Toona? Nope. Lam chops. Ding ding ding! We have a winner! Tabitha goes back to the kitchen and yells at Ricky about not keeping the kitchen stocked. He stays quiet, sends her out with the tomato soup and then tells the cameras, as he chews on a toothpick, "I'm not nervous I whattdyou gotta be nervous for? You know? He's a man just like me." Well, he has a penis and a white jacket, but I think the similarities end there, Ricky. Good luck to ya.
Gordo takes one sip of the soup and calls Tabitha back over to the table, telling her it tastes canned. She nods. He says he thought this was fine dining, and she laughs and says convincingly that she did too. Then she asks him how they spell shivas in England.
Another waitress brings out his fine dining nachos (which are nothing like tacky normal nachos) and he asks who's shouting. Hullo it's called rap. Don't they even have rap in England?? The waitress says it's the executive chef and Gordo's surprised to hear that they have one. He asks her why frozen processed food is brought in if there's an executive chef in the house. She shrugs and walks off, leaving him alone to take in the hit coming out of the kitchen. I'm not sure, but I think it might be called "Diamonds on My Fish." As he cooks, Ricky fingers an air record player and spits:
"Diamonds on my fish, yo,
Diamonds on my fish! Diamonds..."
(searches brain for rhymes with diamonds)
"Diamonds on my..."
(searches brain for rhymes with fish)
Fish, yo!"
Man, if Missy Elliot still had that American Idol rip off on the CW network, Ricky would never have to cook again. Gordo calls Tabitha over to his table and asks if the nachos are fresh or brought in and she assures him that they are freshly fried every morning. He shakes his head, not buyin it, and she takes them back to the kitchen, to ask when they were made. Yesterday! Scream scream yell yell. Ricky shrugs and checks for texts. Why would someone order nachos in a fine dining restaurant and not expect them to suck? "That's why they're called nachos." I'm not sure, but I think that might have been a racist slur.
And now for my (possibly) favorite dish ever. As the clown music plays, Ricky puts the final touches on his lamb chops... Hershey's chocolate sauce. Bwahahahaaaaa. He tells us that it's his masterpiece and he's got real creative with it. Say what you want about Ricky, but no one has the nerve to diss Hershey's. Not even Gordon Ramsay. If he doesn't like this dish, we will know for sure that this show is just plain rigged.
If your mouth isn't having an orgasm right now, you're not paying attention.
Gordo prays for his life before he takes a bite and then asks Tabitha where the meat is. She shakes her head and he holds the chop up to his knife, which dwarfs it. She laughs and laughs. He asks her to go back to the kitchen and ask the chef if the lamb is frozen. No need. It is. Is everything? She nods like she'd never considered that it shouldn't be. He refuses to eat it and asks her if there's anything on the dessert menu that's made in house. She raises her left hand and then switches with her right, promising him a delicious brownie a la mode.
When she gets to the walk in, though, there are no brownies left. She screams her head off for Buzzard, who's eating a full meal behind the line, and he says "I didn't do it! Don't axed Buzzard. I don't know!" I don't know about you, but I totally believe him.
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Comments (9)
at the end of the show where they said that lela's shut down cuz she went broke, i didnt know whether to laugh my ass off at the abruptness of the announcement right after the happy turn-around or cry because it was depressing....
....i decided to laugh.
that line right there made the whole so-so episode a delight!
1 of 9 | Posted by aman | Posted on November 27, 2007 6:41 AM
For most of the episode that Lela person didn't do a damn thing. No instruction to her staff, no supervision, no leadership. Then Golden Gordon sent her off for a makeover and she developed the guts to sack a thief.
Wow.
Another crappy American remake of a decent British show. Grrrrrrrrrrrr.
2 of 9 | Posted by Donna Martin Graduates! | Posted on November 27, 2007 1:58 PM
What are you talking about? the fact that idiot Americans are in this, make it sweeter than the British version. And the final voiceover of "by the way Lela's closed." is classic.
Good recap, dude. And there is no shame in feeding yourself from the resteraunt freezer. It is how I got through college. In fact, i don't think I ever ate so well. Me and Buzz are goign to be having a hobo potluck feel free to come on by.
3 of 9 | Posted by mattypopo | Posted on November 27, 2007 4:38 PM
You know I bet the English version of this show is better. It's always way more entertaining watching people with no teeth try to talk! I'm kidding, sort of.
Great recap flipit.
4 of 9 | Posted by CheriesTake | Posted on November 27, 2007 5:30 PM
The episode was funny and the recap even more so. Tabitha reminds me of the waitresses at Waffle House, which is probably where she should be working not at an alleged fine dining establishment. And why, oh why did Lela sink her retirement savings, not to mention her sister's $60K into a restaurant? Restaurants are iffy investments anyway, and given how Flipit describes Pomona in the recap, it doesn't sound like a fine dining place had a shot in hell at success in that area. I hope Lela's sister has so more money to lend her so that she doesn't spend her golden years homeless.
5 of 9 | Posted by greeneyes | Posted on November 27, 2007 10:09 PM
hahaha! Oh, man. I just went back and re-read this a second time, and I think I laughed louder. Well done, flipit! Diamonds on my Fish is the next big thing! I can see it now... the picture on the CD is a cartoon salmon making the west-side signal and showing off his bling. Diamonds, indeed.
I love this show. I was very sad when Lela's closed down... I was in the middle of tearing up at Ramsey's speech to Ricky... and then they went and did THAT BAWWWW.
6 of 9 | Posted by trey | Posted on November 28, 2007 2:03 AM
Lela had NO business opening a restaurant. In addition to not having a clue about what would work in that dumpy neighborhood (I have read comments that the camera crew must have taped reels of footage to get those nice shots), she let her employees treat her like a door mat.
7 of 9 | Posted by ubiquitous | Posted on January 4, 2008 2:01 AM
Lela had NO business opening a restaurant. In addition to not having a clue about what would work in that dumpy neighborhood (I have read comments that the camera crew must have taped reels of footage to get those nice shots), she let her employees treat her like a door mat.
8 of 9 | Posted by ubiquitous | Posted on January 4, 2008 2:02 AM
Lela had NO business opening a restaurant. In addition to not having a clue about what would work in that dumpy neighborhood (I have read comments that the camera crew must have taped reels of footage to get those nice shots), she let her employees treat her like a door mat.
9 of 9 | Posted by ubiquitous | Posted on January 4, 2008 2:04 AM