Testimonials

Gordo goes back to the dining room and picks a table facing away from the frog and the fat chef statues. He has so much to bitch about right off the bat that he hardly takes a breath during his opening rant. It's like Buckingham Palace in here paper doilies? god that bread basket is huge and only has one sad roll it smells like dying in here frog fat chef canned crab strawberries and shrimp don't go together French people EVERYTHING'S CRAAAAAAP! When he's done, Sarah stubbornly replies "I think everything's good." He stabs her with a fork and tells her to get out of his face.

Back in the kitchen, Michel is starting the day with a positive attitude. Wouldn't want to give people the wrong impression of France! He sends out the salad and says he hopes Ramsay likes it. After all, the customer is almost always right. Hating Michel, but those are words to live by. Restaurant customers are generally horrible people, and I include myself in that stereotype.

Get this Grand Slam off my table! It's bullshit! The service here sucks! Learn some English! When are you losers getting a goddamn bar???!?!?!?!?

After begging God to protect him from food poisoning and reciting his Hail Mary's, Gordo takes a bite of the salad. Then his body starts to jerk like a victim in Alien and everything that comes out of his mouth is bleeped. Sarah, ignoring the convulsions and loud cursing, comes by to ask how everything's going. LOL, Sarah. This is by far my favorite smart aleck-y waitress I've seen on this show. Not only is she not afraid of Gordo, she could break him in two. She's practically rolling on the floor laughing in the kitchen as she watches him almost choke on his steak. Michel not so much.

The steak was rubber, the carrots were raw, the fried onions were a ball of grease and the overall impression is lazy, boring, and disgusting. Sara takes notes so she can deliver the bad news to Michel word for word, which she does with pure joy, like she's reading everyone a Mad Lib. Gordo, refusing to eat anything else, says that this place is like his grannie's house. "Thank God she's dead." HAHAAA. This guy is such a bastard. Love it.

Teehee! He said the c word! He really hates your ass!

He goes back to the kitchen and asks Michel if he's proud of himself. Of course! Gordon says not to take this personally, but his food is crap. Now, why would any chef take that personally? Especially when you said not to? That always makes it better. Don't take this personally, but you're too old for blonde highlights. Just saying. Glad that's out of the way and we can be friends. Gordo goes on to use the words tasteless, bizarre, long winded, and boring. It's like a review of Lions for Lambs.

The kitchen is stunned silent. Sarah pipes up, claiming that the customers have never complained. Gordo tells her to stop blowing smoke up Michel's ass while he's chewing it out. Her breath smells like Malomars. Michel stays calm while Gordo rants and raves, which our hero hates. He keeps poking and poking, calling him a loser and a fattie and an uggo and all that and then says he just wants to get inside Michel's brain to find out just how stupid one man can be. Michel argues confidently that he's not just a hack French moron with the brain the size of a pea, which really sets Gordo off. He storms out and slams the door behind him. Michel calls after him "Thanks for the critick!"

Mini-me likez my kooky-ng and dat iz all dat iz importantd!

And now for the inspection of the nasty walk in! Another Chef who didn't think to clean before a camera crew descended on his restaurant. WTF? Glad to see those high French standards in action. This is one of the grosser kitchens we've seen. There's mold growing everywhere, sludge in jars, and maggots in the potatoes. And now, without further adieu, please welcome the vomitous kitchen montage!

As you watch this, imagine Josh Groban's "I'll Be Home for Christmas" playing in the backround.

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Posted in Kitchen Nightmares by Flipit at 4:33 AM | Permalink | Comments (11)
Last Comment: pinkberries on Nov 15, 2008 09:52 PM.